Heathcliff, 1/12/13
Heathcliff enjoys eating actual putrefying garbage, much to the disgust of humans.
Lockhorns, 1/12/13
As Leroy is all too well aware, the Lockhorns’ friends are prepared to unleash a hail of bullets on both of them with very little provocation.
Pluggers, 1/12/13
WHAAAT A PLUGGER DRIVING A FOREIGN CAR BUILT BY ACTUAL COMMUNISTS HERESY UNCLEAN
Marvin, 12/19/12
All week, Marvin has been expressing his thoughts via standard word balloons rather than thought bubbles, which might mean something momentous except I assumed that it was just more Marvin splapdashery, where small details change constantly because who cares. BUT today Marvin seems to have suddenly made the leap from rudimentary verbalization to full-on literacy! Naturally this is just another opportunity for him to express his insatiable greed. I might also note that, much as I celebrate and indeed depend economically on the written word, I still think that the appropriate order for gaining life skills is (1) learn to go to the bathroom in a toilet, then (2) learn to read and write.
Archie, 12/19/12
The Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 doesn’t exactly know what noises biological lifeforms make when ingesting other biomatter for nutrition and energizing purposes, but it’s pretty sure that they’re repulsive.
Pluggers, 12/19/12
A plugger walk down memory lane is literally a walk to the grave! THIS IS THE #8 PLUGGERS OF 2012, TUNE IN OVER THE NEXT TWO WEEKS FOR OUR COUNTDOWN TO ULTIMATE HORROR
Momma, 12/14/12
I was trying to figure out a “Francis is secretly blowing people for money down at the bus station” joke here, but then decided that wouldn’t be true to his character. Not because he’s unshakably heterosexual or anything, but because he’s notoriously lazy. Francis doesn’t do anything with the word the “job” in it, and fellatio takes a dedication to craft and an interest in other people that he’s simply never demonstrated.
Pluggers, 12/14/12
The first rule of senior plugger fight club is: you do not talk about senior plugger fight club, because the details are all hazy, because of the encroaching senility.
Judge Parker, 12/14/12
“When I married your father, and you were 12 and I was 15, I thought, ‘I can’t wait to see that young man walk down the aisle.’ That isn’t creepy at all!”