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Pluggers, 6/10/22

I have been writing this blog for far too many years, and a trend that I have noticed over that entire period is that syndicated newspaper comics have always felt like they need to be doing something to keep up with “the modern world” in some way. It keeps not working, but also there have continued to be syndicated newspaper comics for that entire period as well, so maybe they don’t, in fact, have to do anything at all, but their attempts are inevitably pretty funny. For instance, way back in 2006, For Better Or For Worse (only real ones will remember the Foobs) started posting animated versions of the strips on its website, except these were the same strips that went to physical newspapers where animation wouldn’t work so the only animation was that the characters would blink, and fairly slowly, so you could miss it and then see it out of the corner of your eye and be like “What the fuck was that, am I going crazy, are these people moving????” It wasn’t great! It wasn’t great for a number of reasons, not least of which is that the idea was planted that maybe some other cartoonist would try this stunt, and that they might try it at any time: that some image you assumed was static would suddenly start moving. This would be unsettling at any time, of course, but with some strips it would be much, much more traumatizing than others.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/10/22

In order to experience the round of inflation that rest of us are all going through, Hootin’ Holler would have to be connected to global supply chains and the worldwide central banking systems, which we all know is absolutely not the case. I assume this is just a coincidence and what actually happened is that a plane crashed on the edge of town that had a cargo hold full of $100 bills, or possibly Chuck E. Cheese ski-ball tickets.

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Dick Tracy, 5/31/22

I apologize for my commentary yesterday in which I claimed that Dick Tracy would not want to get to the bottom of this whole non-violent bank robbery situation. In fact, there’s nothing Dick would like more than to put these smarty-pants computer-using cyber types in jail, and if they’ve been doing crimes with their IBM PCs, well, that’s just a bonus. I respect the understated way that the Cinnamon Knight, whose whole deal is that he dresses up like a knight from the late middle ages, explains that cyber crime is “not his speciality,” because you can’t stab it with a sword, I guess.

Pluggers, 5/31/22

Man, the combination of “Jingle Bells” being in a thought balloon, the slouch, and the plugger’s heavy-eyed expression sure adds up to a lowkey grim panel. “Jingle Bells,” thinks the plugger tunelessly, thinking about how these days Christmas is about the only thing he can get excited about, with the lights and church service and family all around, while the rest of the year just feels more and more difficult to take, and we’re about halfway between Christmases and it’s hard to imagine holding on for another year but I guess this utility bill isn’t going to mail itself, “jingle bells.”

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Slylock Fox, 5/16/22

My intense study of the post-animalpocalypse world of Slylock Fox has been ongoing for sixteen years now, but every day we are still learning new things about how this society works. For instance, as we humans understand law and justice, Slylock is surely an agent of the government: he works directly for high regime officials, and has the authority to both investigate and prosecute crimes. Yet here we see him in the process of investigating insurance fraud, something that in our own economic system would be considered a civil matter. This hints that their government and law enforcement have a broader reach than ours do: maybe the regime believes they have an obligation to protect corporate bodies against harm just as they protect animal citizens against violence, or perhaps the insurance industry is itself wholly state-run rather than in the hands of private entities. These are rich avenues for study and more than justify the renewal of my academic research grant, so hopefully that check will be coming my way soon.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/16/22

Sometimes, when you’re the producer of a media product that’s been running literally since the Wilson Administration and whose whole main shtick is a fairly problematic series of running jokes at the expense of some of America’s most economically desperate citizens, you need to spend a week or so getting new readers up to speed on your characters and letting them know why they should care about them. For instance, did you know that Snuffy Smith refuses to help around the house, and is also deeply in debt? Tune in this week for eight more endearing (?) facts about this dwarfish, potato-nosed rascal!

Pluggers, 5/16/22

Pluggers cannot bat away the constant, intrusive thoughts about death, because they’re aging and physically declining and will themselves be dead soon. That’s it! That’s the whole joke!