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Hagar the Horrible, 2/27/18

The central conceit of Hagar the Horrible is that it takes the classic American sitcom husband-wife dynamic and transposes it onto a family living in Viking-age Norway. So the conflicts between Hagar and Helga all revolve around the sort of things that would be at home in America in 1975: he spends too much time at the bar, he doesn’t like her mother, he’s a slob, etc. But tellingly, what they don’t fight about is his role as the leader of a band of opportunistic raiders and thieves, who leave a trail of corpses across Europe in their quest for plunder. Look at her little smile as he heads to the door to cleave the salesman’s skull with a single blow of his axe, then put him out of his misery by stabbing him in the throat. She doesn’t like it when he leaves chicken bones on the floor, but she’s never minded all the killing.

Gil Thorp, 2/27/18

So Marty Moon has reacted to his admonishment at the hands of teens by choosing to … hyper-pronounce Jorge Padilla’s name, as in this classic SNL sketch, and take advantage of getting to actually say a Latino’s name on the air by slipping in sponsored content for a local Mexican restaurant. I’m not sure what’s funnier: that he’s doing this to antagonize his young woke adversaries, or because he thinks he’s being respectful.

Mark Trail, 2/27/18

“Anybody break a neck or get permanently paralyzed? Any compound fractures, with femurs protruding horrifically from flesh? Tissues sliced so deep that the scarring will be permanent? Massive blood loss? Traumatic brain injury? C’mon, throw us a bone here, sheriff.”

Pluggers, 2/27/18

You can tell this is a “classic” Pluggers because the kid still knows what a radio is.

Six Chix, 2/27/18

What if an old person … had a mom??? You crazy for this one, Six Chix!

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/24/18

Man, I sometimes I feel like either Funky Winkerbean doesn’t understand the motivations and behavior of actual human beings, or I don’t? Why does Pete need Darin and his family to be his traveling companions? Pete and Darin live in California, so they probably aren’t driving all the way back to Ohio, and it’s not like Darin’s going to spring for Pete’s plane ticket. Pete went to high school in Westview and last we heard had a romantic interest in nearby Centerville, so it’s not even like it would be weird for him to travel there himself! All I can think of is that Pete is so cheap that he wants to split an Uber from the airport, which is weird but at least offers some vague explanation for the “joke” in the final panel.

Family Circus, 2/24/18

I gotta admit, the idea of someone literate just stone cold making up rules that aren’t actually in her culture’s preferred holy book and imposing them on someone illiterate is pretty funny! After further reflection, I also have to admit that this was probably pretty common behavior for, say, most of human history.

Mark Trail, 2/24/18

Ah ha, now we see where this Mark Trail plot is going! “Oh, you whiny libs don’t like the way the circus treats the animals, huh? Well, what if the circus just let the animals roam free in your neighborhood??? I bet you’d be in favor of a little animal cruelty then!!!!” I’m honestly excited to learn how Wilhelm the clown fits into this. “Oh, you whiny libs think clowns are scary and disturbing, huh? Well, in this case you’re right, this dude is a straight-up nightmare given flesh.”

Pluggers, 2/24/18

The pluggers were warned that the death panels were coming, so we had to make them extra subtle.

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Mark Trail, 2/20/18

Oh, man, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Mark Trail, but the short version of the story is that, after showering his giraffe-seeing son and monkey-riding-ostrich-seeing father-in-law with amused contempt and probably not even hearing about the nice campers who got attacked by a rhino, Mark finally saw a tiger with his own eyes and now all of the sudden the situation is very serious indeed and he needs to take charge of it! Based on Mark’s grim facial expression and his determination to stockpile on ammo, look for the tone of the strip to rapidly shift from “zany farce with wacky circus animals” to “gritty Assault on Precinct 13-style seige drama, with wacky circus animals.”

Mary Worth, 2/20/18

This Mary Worth plot about Ted Miller, sex creep, is doing a good job of simulating having professional dealings with an actual sex creep, in the sense that you have to sit through a lot of boring professional talk on edge wondering when the next hug that lingers right up to the edge of plausible deniability is going to abruptly arrive. Until then, though, I guess we should go back to the extremely improbable story of Mary as a muffin maven, a story that starts with her selling a plate of five muffins at Aileen’s Grocery and ends with everyone involved a millionaire! This story obviously requires Ted to wedge himself onto the loveseat with Mary to tell it, so she can feel the power of his narrative.

Pluggers, 2/20/18

A PLUGGER ONLY HUGS SOMETHING

AFTER HE KILLS IT

AND CHOPS IT UP WITH AN AXE