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Six Chix, 12/1/24

Often after reading the daily Six Chix comic strip, I use this weblog to express opinions along the lines “I have no idea what the fuck is going on here and I hate it, this enrages me,” so in the interest of fairness I must also let you know when my reaction is “I have no idea what the fuck is going on here and I love it, this delights me to no end.” Today is one of those days! My favorite thing about the Santa Clams is that there are five of them.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 12/1/24

Not going to comment on the pathetically easy “mystery” here, but just want to point that Slylock was able to wrap up this entire adventure and capture the raccoon thief while Max was busy running around the hotel like an idiot. It would be hard to come up with a more damning demonstration of how superfluous Max is to this whole operation if you tried!

Mary Worth, 12/1/24

Mary is feeling better but still remaining home in strict isolation, on the safe assumption that any virus that could break through her hard exterior is so powerful that it would kill lesser humans instantly. I guess we’re supposed to think she has Zoom configured on her laptop so that you only see whoever’s talking and they take up the full screen when they do, which would be pretty disorienting honestly, but I’d like to imagine that she has three laptops set up and she’s having three one-on-one Zoom calls simultaneously, which would be much, much more disorienting.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/1/24

LOOK, REX MORGAN, M.D., IS TIRED OF YOUR COMPLAINTS ABOUT HOW MOST OF ITS STORIES ARE BORING NON-MEDICAL DRAMA AND EVEN THE MEDICAL ONES ARE ALSO BORING. HOW ABOUT SEEING AN OLD MAN STABBED IN THE GUT, HUH? IS THAT EXCITING ENOUGH FOR YOU? YOU WANNA SEE HIM BLEED OUT ON THE SIDEWALK? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED, MEDICALLY?

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Rex Morgan, M.D, 11/29/24

Oh, hey, it turns out that Rex’s cranky old patient is Merle Lewton, who we met a few years ago after he got scammed by Miss Galexia, the Rene Beluso-backed new age healer. Merle’s current complaints are more down to Earth, mostly consisting of him being tired and in pain all the time, and Rex’s advice was “I dunno, try going for a walk instead of sitting on the couch and watching TV all day?” Merle tried to “beat the system” by getting a treadmill so he could go for a walk and watch TV all day, but that was nixed by his wife who claimed treadmills were “expensive” and “ugly”; she assigned him dog-walking duties instead. But now — whoops! — it turns out that taking your dog for a walk is just an open invitation to harassment by local punks, thugs, and ruffians. The lesson here: don’t listen to your killjoy wife and snooty doctor! Leaving the house is not worth the trouble!

Beetle Bailey, 11/29/24

What I love most about the Beetle Bailey strips that look at the Halftracks’ awful marriage are Mrs. Halftrack’s facial expressions. She always looks either furiously angry or crushingly depressed. They’re not doing a bit! Their married life really is a constant punishment, especially for her!

The Phantom, 11/29/24

Speaking of punishment, there’s a new Phantom plot getting started, and Diana, on a work trip in London, appears to have by chance met a guy who was once involved in some kind of BDSM relationship with her husband. We’re probably not supposed to imagine him talking like Austin Powers in that last word balloon, but I’m doing it anyway.

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Hi and Lois, 11/19/24

See, here’s an example of why Hi and Lois absolutely should stick to its post-punchline vibes: today’s strip does have a punchline, and it sucks. Oh, what’s that? You don’t watch a form of televised entertainment that’s become omnipresent because it’s cheap to produce and activates the same base pleasure centers in the human bran that react to cocaine? You’d rather contemplate the slow-moving majesty of nature instead? Thanks, smug baby, you’ve really given us all something to think about, via extremely mild wordplay.

Marvin, 11/19/24

Two of the worst things about Marvin are (a) it’s often about the title character peeing and pooing, and his adversarial relationship to toilets and being potty trained, and (b) it never really lands on whether the title character is a preverbal infant who communicates with thought balloons, in which case the peeing and pooing make sense, or a child old enough to go to school independently and talk out loud and such. Anyway, today’s strip hits both of these low notes, if you’re keeping track.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/19/24

Is Rex Morgan a fast-paced, gripping adventure strip that makes every visit to the comics page a thrill ride? No. But does it tackle real-world medical issues and educate the general public about their importance? Also no. But does it feature lots of drawings of hands in very specific positions and configurations? Yeah, that’s the one. It does that. We all know about “feet guys,” but if there’s such a thing as “hand guys,” as I assume there are, Rex Morgan, M.D., is their go-to, and I think that’s great.