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The Lockhorns, 6/4/21

Having done this blog for many years, I can tell you that there is definitely a weekly rhythm to many of the comics. Hopefully if you’re a reader of this blog, you are aware of enough comics “inside baseball” knowledge that you know that individual comics aren’t each written the day before they’re published or anything like that. They’re submitted weeks in advance, in Monday-through-Saturday chunks (Sunday strips are submitted separately and have to be sent in even earlier). And while I’m sure most cartoonists don’t sit down and power through six comics in one sitting, as you get towards the end of the week you definitely start to get some “I’m almost done with this, fuck it” vibes. I feel strongly that today’s Lockhorns, where Leroy assures Loretta that alcoholism is fine, actually, and he’s not sure why it gets such a bad rap, fits that bill, and yet (because I contain multitudes) I also think it’s pretty great, because sometimes you want that energy on a Friday, you know?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/4/21

You know what absolutely has not been phoned in, though? Today’s Rex Morgan, M.D. Just a symphony of incredible facial expressions from two guys who know they’re not supposed to find their kids incredibly irritating and so they won’t say that they’re incredibly irritating but they absolutely find all their little antics insufferable and can’t wait until they’re off at college or whatever. “He can’t see the face I’m making, so he probably assumes I actually love my kid, even though every moment I spend with them is a chore,” both men are thinking.

Mary Worth, 6/4/21

You know what would really help out Rex and Buck? If there were like a pane of thick, soundproof glass between them and their kids, and there was a phone that ostensibly let you talk to the person on the other side, but the phone wasn’t attached to anything, so it didn’t work. Ideally it would be the kid on the jail side of the glass, of course.

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Crankshaft, 5/31/21

So Crankshaft has spent the last month dwelling on the Valentine Theater and how the COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t done it any favors, financially, and because this is the Funkyverse, where not just people die but dreams as well, there’s not going to be some magical It’s A Wonderful Life ending where everyone chips in and the theater is saved. Nope, it’s going out of business! And apparently Max and Mindy live there too, oops, maybe in like an apartment upstairs but also maybe they and their baby just sleep in the seats at night and eat popcorn for dinner. A thing that occurs to me about this is that when there was the big Funkyverse LA-burns-to-the-ground crossover event in Funky Winkerbean last summer, one of the threads was that Max’s dad Jeff, ten years older than he is in Crankshaft, was obsessed with finding shooting locations from his favorite silent movie The Phantom Empire, aka Radio Ranch, and you’d think at some point during that whole drama he’d have had time to reflect about how his son’s movie theater had gone out of business a decade earlier, possibly because it apparently showed nothing but that movie all the time, who can say. Anyway, I appreciate that Max’s final act as owner of the movie theater aims to directly spite the neighborhood that quite frankly did not support his business enough for it to survive.

Beetle Bailey, 5/31/21

Speaking of our honored dead, it’s Memorial Day, when America mourns those who died while serving in the military. Today’s Beetle Bailey is here to remind you that this holiday does not just recognize those who were killed in combat. It also honors those who gave their lives to help along their commanding officers’ golf game. Maybe somebody should’ve thought this through? Maybe?

Blondie, 5/31/21

OK, look, I’ve come to accept that Dagwood has a real twisted thing with his boss where they obviously hate each other but also have a parasocial relationship and sometimes hang out outside of work, and in the course of that sometimes their long suffering wives are dragged along to make a double date out of it. But I refuse go along with the idea that somehow this makes Cora Dithers and Blondie friends! Refuse, do you hear me? There’s absolutely nothing about this joke that wouldn’t have worked with Tootsie! This was unnecessary and inappropriate and I resist it!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/31/21

“Also, I mean, have you talked to her? It’s probably pretty boring.”

Six Chix, 5/31/21

Ahh, wouldn’t it be cute to imagine that various dried pasta types are like a family, and they grew up together back at the factory, and they’re having a big reunion on your kitchen counter, right … before you …

oh no

oh no

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/26/21

So Sarah’s been writing this very long fan letter to Kitty Cop scribe and noted local writer’s block sufferer Kyle Vidpa for a while now, and Rex has done nothing but make fun of her for it. I had naturally assumed this was primarily because Rex likes making people in general and his children in particular feel bad for experiencing enthusiasm, but let’s not forget that Rex may be projecting a bit because he also sincerely dislikes being on the receiving end of enthusiasm, even from people who owe their lives to his doctoring skills. As far as Rex is concerned, the only way to demonstrate your positive feelings for someone is to send them a tiny envelope that is exactly large enough to include a check and nothing else. Please do not write “thanks!” on the memo line.

Mary Worth, 5/26/21

A key thing to remember about this storyline is that that Ashlee chose Drew as her photographer because of his Instagram account, which in turn earned a decent following not because he actually takes portraits of people, but because he takes nature pics. But gosh darn if the good Dr. Corey the Younger isn’t going to throw his all into this assignment, by dressing Ashlee in an extremely cringeworthy fringed two-piece and yelling things at her that he’s probably half-remembering from the sequences in Austin Powers where Austin is going undercover as a fashion photographer.

Pardon My Planet, 5/26/21

“Aw man, I guess if this joke is going to be contemporary, it should reference Netflix, not normal television. Netflix has season lineups, right?”