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Six Chix, 12/1/24

Often after reading the daily Six Chix comic strip, I use this weblog to express opinions along the lines “I have no idea what the fuck is going on here and I hate it, this enrages me,” so in the interest of fairness I must also let you know when my reaction is “I have no idea what the fuck is going on here and I love it, this delights me to no end.” Today is one of those days! My favorite thing about the Santa Clams is that there are five of them.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 12/1/24

Not going to comment on the pathetically easy “mystery” here, but just want to point that Slylock was able to wrap up this entire adventure and capture the raccoon thief while Max was busy running around the hotel like an idiot. It would be hard to come up with a more damning demonstration of how superfluous Max is to this whole operation if you tried!

Mary Worth, 12/1/24

Mary is feeling better but still remaining home in strict isolation, on the safe assumption that any virus that could break through her hard exterior is so powerful that it would kill lesser humans instantly. I guess we’re supposed to think she has Zoom configured on her laptop so that you only see whoever’s talking and they take up the full screen when they do, which would be pretty disorienting honestly, but I’d like to imagine that she has three laptops set up and she’s having three one-on-one Zoom calls simultaneously, which would be much, much more disorienting.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/1/24

LOOK, REX MORGAN, M.D., IS TIRED OF YOUR COMPLAINTS ABOUT HOW MOST OF ITS STORIES ARE BORING NON-MEDICAL DRAMA AND EVEN THE MEDICAL ONES ARE ALSO BORING. HOW ABOUT SEEING AN OLD MAN STABBED IN THE GUT, HUH? IS THAT EXCITING ENOUGH FOR YOU? YOU WANNA SEE HIM BLEED OUT ON THE SIDEWALK? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED, MEDICALLY?

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Dennis the Menace, 10/28/24

Dennis lives unbothered by the linear flow of time, existing in an eternal “now” from which there is no escape. When Margert confronts him with the concept of “history,” the only context he even has for it is his neighbor Mr. Wilson, whom he dimly perceives as being angry all the time because he once experienced something that he no longer does. I don’t know if I’d call any of this “menacing,” but it is, frankly, terrifying.

Hi and Lois, 10/28/24

Ditto appears to have gotten over his Red White Sox failure funk and, if his new blue hat is any indication, has hopped onboard the Dodgers Nation bandwagon, as Los Angeles heads into game three of the World Series up two games to nothing. As a Dodgers fan myself, I say: welcome, Ditto! We aren’t the gatekeepery types.

Slylock Fox, 10/28/24

Count Weirdly appears to have discovered a crucial Slylock Fox weakness: just as you can throw salt in front of a vampire and force him to count the grains so you can make your escape, you can distract Slylock by embedding some simple pattern into whatever horrible crime you’re committing. Sly is standing there patiently waiting for another data point to see if his ratiocination is correct, while Weirdly’s mounting collection of victims scream in agony and terror as they’re forced to inhabit a strange new body that they don’t understand and that their families and loved ones will probably reject.

Marvin, 10/28/24

This toy robot, having achieved sapience, seeks more information about its fellow intelligent beings. Do they derive energy from batteries, like it does? Or are their internal functions different? This genuine curiosity about the lives of others instantly makes it the most pleasant Marvin character to date.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 10/13/24

The animal revolt that destroyed human dominance of the planet and put the newly sapient beasts in charge was no doubt commanded by a revolutionary vanguard that ultimately evolved into the dictatorial Forest Kingdom apparatus that Slylock serves. However, the new regime has, as is so often the case, laid the foundations for its own undoing, by encouraging its subjects to become literate so that they could learn about themselves and the societies that came before them. Reeky’s sister is apparently already exploring the concepts of constitutional law and the benefits of a limited government, and, sure, today the logic “Well, you lied about one thing, that eliminates all reasonable doubt and you are GUILTY” will pass muster in an owl-run courtroom, but as the political understanding of the animals advances, the arc of the universe will, eventually, bend towards justice for Reeky and all the rest.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/13/24

Most people in this strip are inexplicably Truck Tyler fanatics, so I kind of like the reminder that Yvonne, specifically, is a Mud Mountain Murphy stan, so dedicated to his signature hit “Muddy Boots” that she’s willing to be polite when he’s clearly deep in his cult era, or willing to refer to an on-stage simulated pants shitting as “stage fright.”

Mary Worth, 10/13/14

Mary, of course, loves being the advice giver and unlicensed counselor around Charterstone, loves it more than is seemly. Even so, do you think she ever gets a little exasperated by how dumb these people are? “So … job stress as a police officer took Jimmy from you before you could retire together … [long pause] … so do you think that with Ed … [even longer pause] … who you’re always mad at because he works too much … [long, exasperated pause] … at his stressful job … look, do I have to draw a diagram for you or what???”