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Beetle Bailey, 9/30/20

You’d think that General Halftrack, who has an extremely cushy job and despite his high military rank seems neither to have never been to war himself nor to have ever been burdened with the responsibility of sending others to fight, would sleep easily at night, or, for that matter, in the afternoon. Turns out nope! Turns out his mind is haunted by unimaginable horrors. That’s why he drinks so much, probably!

Slylock Fox, 9/30/20

For too long, the cartoon community has stigmatized people who live on tiny tropical islands as haggard castaways who yearn only to return to civilization — or, worse, are driven insane by their isolation. What about those who like the islet lifestyle, who have perfectly seaworthy rowboats at their disposal and yet still choose to embrace their exile from humanity and enjoy the benefits for an occasional cetacean shower? Finally, they have their own media representation!

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Dick Tracy, 9/17/20

Hmm, I foolishly assumed that the professor that Annie and Honeymoon where going to talk to for their legitimate newspaper article about vampires would be in, like, the Comp Lit department, with a research speciality in Balkan folklore. But no, I guess he’s a biologist, and I sort of feel like someone should point out to him that his vampire apparatus, while innovative, seems more like a mechanical engineering project. He might give you a long transhumanist speech about how man and machine are becoming more and more aligned all the time, or he might just say “Look, if you have a better way to get a lot of blood out of a young woman very quickly — for, uh, research purposes — I’d like to hear about it.”

Slylock Fox, 9/17/20

In the first panel, the castaway is planning to eat the bird. In the second, he’s planning on making love to it.

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“Hello kids, and welcome back to World of Animals — I’m your beloved host, Carl. Lotta changes in my neck of the woods, but some things never change — like entertaining Nature Facts from the wonderful World of Animals!”

Mark Trail, 9/13/20

“Rusty, can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to be ambushed by a fucking plant? Or do I have to make you sit through Day of the Triffids again?”

Prince Valiant, 9/13/20

“‘Slept’, yeah, you bet — like these mammals don’t mate through the year and around the clock! But check out that vignette of Sea Beast there — one of the OG reptile heroes, cruelly tricked into a watery grave. Live on in our hearts, Sea Beast!”

Sherman’s Lagoon, 9/13/20

“Here’s a fashion tip, Megan: just slip into a tasteful shell and you’ll always be both totalement à la mode and protected from hail.”

Slylock Fox (panel), 9/13/20

“Animal-on-animal injustice is the worst. Sure, Harry’s made some mistakes, but can’t you see he’s gone straight — even bought himself a sweet hybrid car that he drives in electric mode whenever he can. Save a little gas, try to do right by Mother Earth, and get pulled over by some vulpine fascist for driving while hairy. ‘What does the fox say,’ you say? He say, ‘Pull over, I’m — THE MAN!'”

— Turtle Carl, for Uncle Lumpy, who say “Thanks for a fun time, everybody — Josh will be back tomorrow!”