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Slylock Fox (panel), 4/26/15

Slylock ditches his jet in an African zoo and is completely baffled. Max has more immediate concerns.

Gasoline Alley (panel), 4/26/15

Walt is now at least 115 years old. Statistically, the number of people who die at that age is vanishingly small — and actually declines with further increases in age! So whether he’s ready or not, we’re likely to have Walt around for a long, long, time.

Mark Trail (panel), 4/26/15

Again with the bugs! If these plagues keep up, we’ll be lucky to make it until Josh gets back on Wednesday.

Say, I’m no etymologist, but wouldn’t you have to release one hell of a lot of sterile males to compete with the wild ones? I thought there also had to be some selection bias toward the sterile males, like unusually firm probosci, or they secrete Hai Karate or something. Unless somebody can look up the answer by Wednesday, we’ll never know.

Rex Morgan, M.D. (panel), 4/26/15

Yeah, Sarah, this is the part about you being a kid that nobody else likes, either.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Slylock Fox, 4/13/15

Once again, Slylock has used simple and fairly obvious animal science facts to catch a criminal! Frogs have no hair, you see, so any frog in a hair salon must by definition be a criminal on the lam! Frogs also must keep their skin moist in order to breathe through it, so any frog willing to sit under a hair dryer must be suicidal. The shoplifting, the bad behavior — they’re just a cry for help.

Mark Trail, 4/13/15

It’s a good thing your tree-bug problem happened to come to light in April, Wally, because the other 11 months a year the Department of Agriculture wouldn’t have done shit for you! It’s also a good thing that the purveyors of specialized pornography who previously owned the hungrypests.com site let their domain registration lapse so this excellent URL could be used for socially constructive purposes.

Family Circus, 4/13/15

The sad facial expressions of the Keane parents are always my favorite things about the Family Circus. “Welp,” Big Daddy Keane thinks mournfully today, “looks like I raised a Communist.”

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Mary Worth, 4/6/15

Protective services, it turns out, involves protecting important officials like Congressman M^cDugal, Adam’s favorite Congressman. Adam’s dedication to M^cDugal’s political career was so intense that he had both break up with Terry and get shot in the leg. Was someone trying to assassinate Congressman M^cDugal? No, of course not. Taking a bullet for the Congressman was just something Adam was compelled to do … something he believed in. So did he have to rig up an elaborate mechanism that would fire a gun at the Congressman’s office door while he was standing in front of it? Yes. He was compelled to do it. It was an integral part of his political ideals, of his vision for America.

Mark Trail, 4/6/15

Man, Wally sure is taking us on an emotional roller coaster ride here, isn’t he? “Ha ha, Mark, you and Cherry are going to leave, but then come back! That’s super and terrific! Now, we’ve had some laughs, but in all seriousness, these trees are everything to me, and if I go down, I’m not going down alone.”

Slylock Fox, 4/6/15

“Yeah, look, Sly, Max, I … uh …. I gotta be somewhere,” said Chief Mutt, sweating profusely. “Can you, uh, can you feed the prisoners? Food’s already here. Shouldn’t be a problem.” He was gone before Slylock could even answer him. Not really my department, Slylock grumbled to himself as he pushed the cart down to the holding cells. As the metal door clanged shut behind him, he looked it up horror. Four hardened criminals were in a cell whose bars were so far apart they could easily just walk through them. They all smiled at Slylock with murder in their eyes.