Archive: Spider-Man

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Spider-Man, 10/3/18

I know, I know, I make fun of ol’ Spider-Man a lot, but one way you know he really is a top-tier hero is that he has various powers, admittedly all based on a vaguely spider-centric theme. Like he shoots spiderwebs and he’s spider-strong and and he’s spider … sensible? You get it. Admittedly, none of his powers are helping him out in the very specific predicament he’s found himself in right now, but consider his would-be rescuer Iron Fist, whose sole power is punching. Punching with a fist … of iron, I guess. He’s gonna punch Spidey out of his problems, just you wait and see. (I haven’t watched the Iron Fist Netflix show or read any of his other comics, so if you feel like letting me know what the real scoop is, please let me implore you not to bother, I enjoy my studied ignorance, thanks.)

Hagar the Horrible, 10/3/18

I am charmed by how completely devastated Helga looks in the second panel here. We know that fancy sit-down restaurants exist in the Hagarverse, so I have to assume that the The Horribles attempted to go to one of those, but tragically miscalculated. Since Helga has always been depicted as the more civilized half of the pair, I assume she picked this place out, and is very sad to have to kill her own food, once again.

Pluggers, 10/3/18

My favorite kind of Pluggers submission comes from “Lots of pluggers everywhere” or, in this case, “Lots of pluggers coast to coast,” just in case you smug elitists thought the coasts were plugger-free. (Panama City, home of the official Pluggers P.O. Box, is located in the Florida Panhandle, which is strictly speaking on a coast, for instance.) Anyway, there are lots of pluggers who think it’s hilarious that you big-city liberals are going out and spending a whole $30 on a paper shredder when you could just spend way too much time tearing up paper by hand, letting little bits get all over the rug, and eventually lose interest and do a half-assed job and not actually make it difficult for identity thieves! Ha ha, I guess pluggers have shown all of us what’s what, again!

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Mary Worth, 9/28/18

One of my very favorite things that sometimes happens on this blog is when I make an outrageous prediction about the future course of some soap opera strip’s plot that then almost immediately comes true! So yes, Mr. Wynter really did spend more on his dog’s grave than on his wife’s. At least Bella’s monument is relatively tasteful, with Bella depicted as she was in life, wearing her adorable bow tie, and not as some kind of terrifying supernatural winged cat chimera like whoever’s buried in the plot just behind her. The second panel is great, because it shows what Bella would see if she were buried alive and had like a little hole in her casket attached to a periscope or something.

Six Chix, 9/28/18

Look, one of the advantages of having a multi-artist production like Six Chix is that you get a variety of perspectives and voices, so I’m as confused and disappointed by “big horny animal week” as everybody else.

Spider-Man, 9/28/18

“Say, Danny, have you ever considered using the incredible privilege and authority you wield in our society to better people’s lives, instead of putting on a mask and punching people unusually hard? Just spitballing here!”

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Spider-Man, 9/25/18

The thing about the super-hero genre is that it features lots of high-stakes combat but also (sorry, Mopey Pete) is mostly marketed to children, so there’s a bit of tension about exactly how far we should go in depicting the consequences of said high-stakes combat, and specifically the consequences on human bodies. Usually the way they get around this is by having a lot of the battling taking the form of just people punching each other, in a super fashion, and we can kind of gloss over that because punching someone out doesn’t really hurt them, shattered organs and traumatized brains aside. But Colleen Wing is wading into this mass of bad guys swinging around a god-damned sword, which by right ought to be leaving behind a trail of severed limbs and thugs writhing on the floor as they die from massive blood loss. Maybe she’s just … bad at swords? Despite swords being her whole thing? Truly, a worthy partner to Spider-Man!

Mark Trail, 9/25/18

Wow, I had assumed that this artifact-smuggling ring was full of dweebuses and losers like sleepy, drooly Jo(s)e and glasses-and-polo-shirt-tucked-into-jeans dude, who I guess is named “Pablo.” But now we finally get to meet the extremely cool member of their criminal gang: a bad-ass, motorcycle-riding, headband-and-skull-belt wearing dude who gets called in when the scheme finally gets to the point where they have to … murder some children? I just want to emphasize to everyone reading at home that murdering children isn’t cool. It’s just that, if your gang has to kill a couple of kids, that’s something you’re going to want your coolest member to do.

Shoe, 9/25/18

The only corrupt politician we’ve ever seen in Shoe is Senator Belfrey, who, despite what I assume have been the best efforts of the Treetop Tribune and its crusading staff of investigative reporters, has remained in office since the strip began running in 1977. No wonder Shoe always seems so uptight!

Beetle Bailey, 9/25/18

“I want this locker full of severed human feet by 0900 tomorrow! Get it together, soldier!”