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Blondie, 9/13/26

This is, truly, one of the saddest Blondies I’ve ever seen. Of course, we all know that Dagwood’s every waking moment is dominated by his insatiable appetite. Today, we see that this drive has led him to hyperfixate on one specific food: some delicious eclairs that his wife made the previous day. He’s compelled to search for them in a series of increasingly implausible places, convinced that they’re hiding somewhere — convinced, perhaps, that they’ve been hidden from him somewhere, by his beloved wife, to thwart what he wants the most. But in the end, he learns that he has already consumed them, that the desire that has dominated his day was already fulfilled, but it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough to produce a moment of pleasure or even satiety that lasts enough to be remembered. There’s only the wanting. The wanting is all he knows how to experience.

Dick Tracy, 9/13/26

The villainous Widescreen, after incinerating his criminal associate, has decided for reasons not entirely clear to me to simply give up and commit suicide by cop. Anyway, I like how we go from the Crimestoppers Textbook entry about dealing with home improvement scams immediately to a panel of what I guess is a Sten gun glowing with divine light. Sure, you could consider gently but firmly closing the door on these potential scammers if you can’t determine that they’re legitimate, but have you considered simply spraying your neighborhood with submachine gun fire? Only way to be safe, probably!

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Mary Worth, 9/8/26

Wow, I’m glad to see that there are still sensible people living in Charterstone! “So what?” is exactly the appropriate response to someone telling you that two people who you vaguely know were sitting in a parked car. I don’t know how to tell you this, Nelly, but this is America, and as a person who gets around on foot and by bike more than the average American, I can tell you that this country is just littered with people sitting in parked cars. What are they doing in there? Listening to podcasts? Crying? Dicking around on their phones? Cheating on their spouses? Getting ready to pull out into traffic or open their door with no warning just as I’m trying to get past them? I don’t know and (except in that last scenario) it’s none of my business. Nelly was a safe distance away when she spotted the specific instance of car-sitting under discussion, so this is definitely a “So what?” situation if I’ve ever seen one.

Gil Thorp, 9/8/26

The Milford tryout numbers are strong this year, but Gil wants to establish that the Mudlarks will lead the Valley Conference in quality as well as quantity. You will not be able to overtake them in terms of players with names that make them sound like characters in vaudeville bits. Does Goshen have a Borys Orlov? Well, Milford has an Adrian Blatz. Of the Métis Winnipeg Blatzes. You might have heard of them.

Blondie, 9/8/26

Oh, no, Blondie! You were so close to correctly incorporating young people’s love of short-form video content into your model of how the world works! But you made the crucial mistake of using the term “vlogging,” which I’m not sure the kids say anymore, and anyway it led you down the path to today, doing a strip where Cookie is blogging, something I’m definitely sure the kids today are not saying or doing anymore. Blogging is an old man’s game now, trust me on this.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/8/26

“Oh, Josh, I think you were overstating things about that guy’s head-lump yesterday, I’m sure if we saw it from a different angle we’d–” You fool. You idiot. You ABSOLUTE SIMPLETON

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Shoe, 8/7/26

I guess Skyler passive-aggressively hinted that it would be nice if he and his uncle/guardian ate together once in a while, so the Perfesser has decided to passive-aggressively book dinner for the two of them at a restaurant where they won’t be allowed to talk to each other.

Blondie, 8/7/26

“I’m so glad I grew up in the offline generation … and also don’t know any kids and haven’t given really any thought at all about the practicalities of what going to school in the modern age might be like.”

Mary Worth, 8/7/26

Damn, can you imagine what a bummer it would be if you had the chance to enjoy the amazing high that only methamphetamines can deliver, but you somehow end up in this scenario instead?