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Kudos to Lou for being thematically consistent by mounting the TV where it can be seen by him alone, and not the customers at the counter. He doesn't respect his clientele's taste buds or gastrointestinal needs, so why should he care if they're entertained? Let them watch him watching TV while his terrible food burns!

—Chance
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On The Extremely Depressing Road

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/26/18

Welp, I apologize: it turns out that even though last week I dismissed the possibility that Darin and Jessica were driving from Los Angeles to northeast Ohio rather than flying for some reason, and that Mopey Pete would prefer to tag along rather than flying himself for some reason, that is in fact what’s happening! I … have no idea why? I guess flying with a baby is a pain, but probably not so much of a pain as making a multiday drive with a baby? That kind of drive is a big undertaking and generally you only do it if you have a specific reason, like you’re moving with all your stuff or you want to see the country or something, and yet these guys are just acting like it’s a normal, everyday occurrence, which makes me think that I’ve missed some pivotal Funkyverse event, like all air travel being banned due to a sudden outbreak of Atmosphere Cancer.

Mark Trail, 2/26/18

“The death toll was awful … there were dozens of them packed into a single boxcar, with no safety measures of any kind. One of the few survivors said that any real clown would rather die true to their values than travel in a vehicle with a reasonable number of people in it.”

Spider-Man, 2/26/18

We established last week that JJJ’s sojourn to South Florida had nothing to do with Spidey’s adventures there, but it’s nice to know that he just rants to casual acquaintances about what a menace the wall-crawler is, presumably without context or provocation.

Slylock Fox, 2/26/18

It’s good to see that Slylock has so thoroughly eradicated crime that he can spend his time advising school administrators how not to embarrass themselves, I guess! But I think he’s wrong here: no teen is going to sharpen these pencils, because a pencil that says “TOO COOL TO CHEAT” is so hilariously dorky and pure that they’ll be keeping them in pristine condition for years.

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Remember the MRSA teens? This could be even BETTER

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/25/18

As faithful readers of this blog know, Rex Morgan, M.D., has been a little light on the medical drama, unless you count sleep apnea and dehydration and people dying of cancer off-panel and then leaving their children with randos they knew in 1st grade as medical drama, which, I think it goes without saying, I don’t. Anyway, that’s why I’m excited that Justin, after having a negative reaction to his ham and cheese sandwich, apparently yacked it up onto the floor of the cafeteria, and now is just going to wander off while his friends stand around nervously wondering who’s going to clean up the puddle of barf, because I’m hoping said puddle of barf is swarming with whatever exotic and deadly virus he’s come down with and soon the whole school will be in a state of lockdown. If it just turns into a thing like the story in Stand By Me where one incident of vomiting sparks a chain reaction and everyone in the cafeteria ends up involuntarily puking on one another, that will also be acceptable.

Mary Worth, 2/25/18

Here, everybody, please enjoy the total humiliation of sex creep and “character” Ted Miller, who gets slapped, shoved, and ends up groveling on the floor, wearing one of Mary’s delicious and potentially lucrative muffins as a hat!

Crankshaft, 2/25/18

I’m pretty sure that the unspeakable Something from the basement that devoured Crankshaft and assumed his form is going to turn out to be much less of an asshole.

Beetle Bailey, 2/25/18

“This has to be dealt with,” said Rocky, after General Halftrack overthrew the U.S. government and began abrogating civil liberties. “The General thinks he can get away with anything!” Unfortunately, it turned out he could.

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God Hates Feelings

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/24/18

Man, I sometimes I feel like either Funky Winkerbean doesn’t understand the motivations and behavior of actual human beings, or I don’t? Why does Pete need Darin and his family to be his traveling companions? Pete and Darin live in California, so they probably aren’t driving all the way back to Ohio, and it’s not like Darin’s going to spring for Pete’s plane ticket. Pete went to high school in Westview and last we heard had a romantic interest in nearby Centerville, so it’s not even like it would be weird for him to travel there himself! All I can think of is that Pete is so cheap that he wants to split an Uber from the airport, which is weird but at least offers some vague explanation for the “joke” in the final panel.

Family Circus, 2/24/18

I gotta admit, the idea of someone literate just stone cold making up rules that aren’t actually in her culture’s preferred holy book and imposing them on someone illiterate is pretty funny! After further reflection, I also have to admit that this was probably pretty common behavior for, say, most of human history.

Mark Trail, 2/24/18

Ah ha, now we see where this Mark Trail plot is going! “Oh, you whiny libs don’t like the way the circus treats the animals, huh? Well, what if the circus just let the animals roam free in your neighborhood??? I bet you’d be in favor of a little animal cruelty then!!!!” I’m honestly excited to learn how Wilhelm the clown fits into this. “Oh, you whiny libs think clowns are scary and disturbing, huh? Well, in this case you’re right, this dude is a straight-up nightmare given flesh.”

Pluggers, 2/24/18

The pluggers were warned that the death panels were coming, so we had to make them extra subtle.