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Dennis the Menace, 11/27/16

OK, yes, fine, we all know that the real menace here is comparing your restricted grown-up life to your carefree youth and blaming your partner rather than the realities and responsibilities of adulthood. But mostly I enjoy the depiction of Teen Henry Mitchell in panel three. He looks exactly like Adult Henry Mitchell, only wearing a hat.

Mary Worth, 11/27/16

OH MY GOD

THIS MARY WORTH STORYLINE IS REALLY GOING FOR IT

YOU KNOW, SEXUALLY

“IF YOU DON’T FLIRT, YOU’RE PROBABLY DEAD INSIDE” SAYS EPIGRAPH TO BORING OLD SOAP OPERA STRIP

“ABSOLUTELY CAST A WIDE NET AND EAGERLY SEEK OUT NEW SEXUAL PARTNERS” URGES MARY WORTH

THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING

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Hi and Lois, 11/26/16

I just spent a lot more time and effort than I’m comfortable admitting trying and failing to remember what the name of Chip’s garage band used to be; all I could come up with is that the first word was “NOYZ” (was it “Noyz II Men”? Dare we dream we live in such a perfect world?). Anyway, I think we can all agree that whatever it was, it was a better name than “Big Bad Wolf,” which maybe is just the name they use when they get paying gigs where they have to play classic rock for Boomers, to subsidize their more cutting-edge punk stuff.

Dick Tracy, 11/26/16

Vic was so obnoxiously holier-than-thou in his first appearance in this plot that I’ve really been enjoying the fact that ever since he’s demonstrated one ethical foible after another, from easy bribeability to compulsive gambling to today’s cartoonish on-the-job drunkenness. It’s sad that supposed hood Selfy is the only one around here still sticking to the sacred Zookeeper’s Code, which states in no uncertain terms that when the guys down at the big cat exhibit call for help, you get over there as soon as possible. Anyway, Selfy’s going to get eaten by a tiger, probably!

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Mary Worth, 11/25/16

Wow, too bad Mary Worth chose the Friday after Thanksgiving, traditionally a day of extremely low readership, for this extremely sexy strip where we finally have confirmed that Zak is standard-college-student age and also on the prowl for fortysomething babes. Look at that line he just laid down here! Like, just moments ago he had to have it explained to him what an iris was and already he’s busting out “oh, late blooming flowers are definitely the ones I want to fuck the most.” I’m kidding, of course, what he actually said was “Late blooming flowers are just as beautiful… if not more so!”, which, just as beautiful as what, Zak? You might think your sentence is more “respectful” than mine, but mine at least respects the rules of English syntax.

Six Chix, 11/25/16

Yeah, man, I don’t even know what to say about this one. Like, is this supposed to be the thing from old Warner Brothers cartoons where a very hungry person hallucinates that his friend’s head has become a rotisserie chicken or whatever? So the cow on the left is very hungry? And also a cannibal? I guess?

Dennis the Menace, 11/25/16

By emphasizing his parents’ marital relationship to one another, Dennis is trying to be a menace by derailing the three-way they have planned with this woman. But the joke’s on him! She’s a highly sought after call girl who knows exactly what she’s getting into. The prim-and-proper outfit, along with a certain amount of feigned reluctance, is just part of the specific fantasy scenario the Mitchells submitted via her web site.

Family Circus, 11/25/16

“There’s never any daytime left over after dinner! Instead the flow of time abruptly stops and the universe outside is replaced by an infinite, featureless blackness. It stinks!”