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Six Chix, 11/12/16

FUN FACT: did you know that the Andrew Lloyd Weber Phantom of the Opera has made more money over the years than any other work of entertainment in the history of the human race? I learned this on the musical’s Wikipedia page, where I also learned that the 30th anniversary of its premiere performance in London wasn’t today but actually about five weeks ago, which is suspiciously close to the lead time for getting a newspaper comic published. The lesson is that you’ll never go broke overestimating humanity’s appetite for schmaltz (as someone who had to play multiple Andrew Lloyd Weber medleys in high school band, I feel I earned the right to make this artistic assessment), and that if you really care about memorializing something, maybe plan it in advance?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/12/16

Look, I get it, BG&SS creative team, making a joke about Miss Prunelly and Uriah fucking is just too tempting. And it’s also obviously tempting to run it more than once, since what’s the point of having years of archives and an audience that reads three days a week on average and retains very little if not to cut corners once in a while? But it does seem weird to use the same joke twice in two years but redraw the art. Like, the art is the hard part? At least now Uriah has given up his sex-shame and wears his lover’s Goth Kiss with a smile.

Mary Worth, 11/12/16

Oh, also, Wilbur’s basically spent this entire week getting dumped? I always thought I’d feel something in this situation. A little more joy, I dunno. What’s wrong with me that I can’t take delight in Wilbur’s pain?

Mark Trail, 11/12/16

NNNggghgh, maybe it’s because my system’s too oversaturated with all the literal fiery death in Mark Trail! The chopper explosions might be over, but at least we have chunks of volcanic debris falling from the sky. Just hook it up to my veins!!!!!

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Without any ado at all: here’s your comment of the week!

“‘The Falcon & Guzzwanker’ are a ‘Morning Zoo’-style radio team. What ‘Morning Zoo’ means in the Shoeverse is anybody’s guess.” –Horn O’Plenty, on Twitter

And here are your runners up! Very funny.

“Precinct is a funny word. Try it. Precinct. Precinct, precinct, precinct. See? I daresay it’s the funniest part of this strip.” –Proteus454

“A 3 month time jump and two people directly involved in an event that would certainly involve multiple criminal cases and civil lawsuits are living in Alaska, presumably far, far from the scene. Sam must be a much better lawyer than we thought.” –UncleJeff

“Finally, Ces’s master plan is revealed: He’s going to turn Judge Parker into a grittier, more realistic remake of Moose and Molly. It has always bugged the hell out of him that Moose Miller is not an actual moose.” –Peanut Gallery

“Looks like someone’s getting his penis hot-glued to his thigh while he sleeps!” –Steve S

“Uh, Vic, when you make copies of money you should get color copies.” –Liam

“And with control of the newspaper comes control of the NATION! Stop laughing, guys, I’m serious.” –Chyron HR

“The fire ants have not only developed trebuchets, but they understand the danger enemy air supremacy poses.” –Voshkod

“Interesting choice for Wilbur to channel Darth Vader. ‘If you came with me, we could explore the world together as blogger and mom.’” –Mr. Bunn

“I like how Wilbur is pitching this as a fun voyage of exploration instead of what it actually is: a miserable global search for survivors of tragedy. C’mon, Iris, don’t you want to be able to learn the phrase for ‘Sorry for your loss but can you please speak into the mic’ in a dozen different languages?” –pugfuggly

“I’ve never realized this before, but Charterstone is apparently a gated community. I’m certainly glad that its fixed-income retirees, food-service workers, and mid-level university and newspaper employees are safe from having their belongings stolen by the criminal underworld that surely infests this idyllic beach town. (Oh, but P.S.: The drug addicts are on the inside!)” –BigTed

“I never thought it’d be Mark Trail that’d fill the Mythbusters-shaped hole in my life, but I’m not going to look a gift horse shown exploding from multiple angles in the mouth.” –Truckosaurus

“OK, so in this bird-society that practices the death penalty, what exactly is this ‘electric chair’? A Kenny Rogers Roaster?” –Dood

“I know I could have just said I put a camera here, but I’m the insufferable type. So really, it’s a delayed-action camera. I use a Leica M-series rangefinder, and recently I upgraded to a Leica Monochrom M because I like the shutter speed. I like a good lens and something to indicate depth of field — hey, wait, where are you guys going??” –Chareth Cutestory

“Hoping that boat explodes too. In fact, hoping Mark Trail becomes a never-ending roll of amusing onomatopoeic transport-splosions. ‘Hey, Abbey’s hovercraft!’ BLOOOSH ‘Hey, Abbey’s zeppelin!’ WHAAANG ‘Hey, Abbey’s ekranoplan!’ KLAAAAM” –Schroduck

“It comforts me slightly to know that Crankshaft will be made wretched by the inexorable march of progress until the day death takes him.” –TheDiva

“He may have ripped out the back or his coat, but I’m glad he can still wear his belt of big toes. Wear it with pride, Snuffy.” –greenantler

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to the site’s BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Shoe, 11/11/16

Happy November 11th, everyone! Do you remember that this is the anniversary of the day the guns of the Great War went silent, and there was a brief, idealistic window of hope that the slaughter had been so terrible that humanity would never fight a war again? And November 11th was supposed to be remembered forever as Armistice Day, the day the killing stopped? Ringing a bell? For anyone? The dashed optimism? No?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/11/16

After it became clear that we were going to keep fighting wars and making more veterans, November 11th got rebranded as Veterans Day, and so it’s often an opportunity for comic strips to make you uncomfortable by reminding you that their protagonists fought in World War II, which ended more than 70 years ago. Please enjoy this depiction of Snuffy Smith bursting out of his threadbare uniform, and when you’re done with that, please enjoy Snuffy Smith in Hillbilly Blitzkrieg, now available in its entirety on YouTube. The movie is so unwatchably bad I was wasn’t able to get through more than a few minutes of it, but I checked the Wikipedia summary and I need to steel you for disappointment: despite the promise of the title, Snuffy does not actually fight for Nazi Germany in the film.

Crankshaft, 11/11/16

Ed Crankshaft is also a World War II vet, but on this day he’s chosen not to dwell on the past. Instead, he’s thinking about the future, the future where cold, soulless machines will displace human warmth, and it fills him with despair.

Mark Trail, 11/11/16

Well, we all knew the chopperslosions couldn’t go on forever, so I’m glad Mark Trail is allowing us to taper off by at least showing us some hot (literally) smoldering wreckage action. It’s extremely funny to me how quickly Cal’s mind turns from “rescuing Mark and Abbey” to “fleeing in this boat, Mark and Abbey will be fine, probably.”