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Dick Tracy, 11/3/16

For my money, the line “this is no place for you” is the funniest thing in the comics today. At first I thought it meant that Selfy was a big shot who shouldn’t be risking getting monkey poop on his shiny shoes or something. But then I realized that I had it backwards, which was even funnier: the zoo is too good for a scumbag like Selfy! This is a decent place, where we cage wild animals for bored schoolchildren to gawk at! It’s no place for political hacks who wear tuxedos in their daily life and other monsters. Ol’ Vic tried to keep Selfy on the straight and narrow, tried to teach him the way of the feces shovel and the tranq gun, but it was too late: he was well on his way along the all-too-common young-hood-to-congressional-staffer pipeline, and not all monkey chow in the world could save him.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/3/16

Hey, it looks like Chekhov’s packages of frozen cash finally went off, a year after they were placed on the mantlepiece in an extremely non-casual manner! Anyway, my top two choices for what happened to the money are (a) Heather used it to hire a hit man to kill Milton and make it look like Jordan did it, so he has no choice but to obey her whims, sexually, or (b) Milton used it to wire the house with explosives so that he can go out on his terms, which is to say with some of his faculties still intact and taking his wife and household staff with him. Either way, Jordan is right to “oh, boy!” dramatically!

Family Circus, 11/3/16

That’s actually not right either, Dolly. Mommy is letting the breeze ruffle her hair and is imagining what it might be like to be driving a convertible, by herself, in whatever direction she pleases. Mommy stopped looking for Jeffy a solid twenty minutes ago.

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Hello everyone who donated to my Fall pledge drive! You should by now have received an email from me thanking you and, if you donated enough, providing a link to the form you need to fill out to get your handsome tote bag. So far significantly fewer forms have been filled out than there are eligible donors, so if you didn’t receive the email with the link for some reason, send me an email at jfruh@jfruh.com and we’ll get this worked out.

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Mark Trail, 11/2/16

Mark Trail UPDATE: in addition to rickety log bridges and enraged wild boars and freakishly huge ant mounds, Mark and Abbey now also have to deal with an earthquake, or maybe a volcano, or maybe an earthquake caused by an erupting volcano, which is undeniably exciting! The tangle of flailing limbs in today’s final panel also reminds of an earlier vision of Mark tackling a person, which makes me wonder if Mark Trail isn’t secretly catering to someone’s very specific fetish.

Curtis, 11/2/16

Ha ha! It’s funny because Curtis is just old enough to know he needs to hid the bleak reality of adulthood from his younger brother, for just another few years!

Hi and Lois, 11/2/16

Ha ha! It’s funny because Trixie is a preverbal infant but she’s already being driven into a spiral of anxiety by the thought of her own inevitable death!

Mary Worth, 11/2/16

Yes, let’s spin the wheel of fate, shall we? Who will be lucky enough to be the next person who has to make polite talk with Wilbur about his travel plans? Will it be Dawn? Will it be Iris? Will it be some other person who has even less reason to care? Ian, maybe? Will Wilbur run into Ian in the hall and babble excitedly about his new adventure, with Ian’s contempt growing more and more visible all the while? That sounds great! I vote for Ian!