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Slylock Fox, 5/26/15

You know, for too long I’ve thought about the transition from human to animal rule in Slylock Fox in terms of revolutionary violence. But perhaps I’m mistaken. Look at the episode in today’s Six Differences: maybe the revolt began not with acts of carnage, but acts of love, as newly sapient animals freed their dear ones from enslavement. Like all oppressors, of course, the gentleman holding the leash doesn’t see it this way; he’s furious because he can only understand that his own previously unquestioned authority is now under threat. The Great Change did entail violence, of course, but maybe the animals didn’t initiate it.

Apartment 3-G, 5/26/15

Oh hey, remember Margo’s ex-boyfriend Greg, who plays James Bond? Well, here he is, the guy playing one of the most high-profile characters in the movies, just wandering around the streets of New York sans entourage, ready to bump into Margo and make small talk with her about her agency, which … you know, I sort of thought that Greg had been Margo’s client? Of course, she’s a terrible publicist and all, but probably even she’d be smart enough to advise him not to ruin his Bondian cred by appearing in public wearing a green jacket. Anyway, on the surface, this may look like the same kind of disconnected dreamscape conversation Apartment 3-G’s been mired in for months, but replying to your ex-lover’s “Have you missed me?” with “It’s lovely to see you” is from my point of view a delightfully sick burn.

Heathcliff, 5/26/15

Dear Heathcliff and Creators Syndicate: you can’t just make a character cool by having him stand next to another character widely considered cool and then have a third party say “That’s a whole lotta cool.” That’s not how being cool works!

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Mark Trail, 5/25/15

Oh whoops, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on all the Mark Trail action, but trust me when I tell you that after this terrifying helicopter crash everything went fine and the fire was put out by helpful forest rangers and nobody died, boooooring. Anyway, today I certainly hope we’re being introduced to a new recurring character or maybe even the star of his own spin-off strip: Cheerful Suspenders-Wearing Forest Firefighter Guy! Audiences love it when he flashes a crooked grin, tips his helmet, and delivers his beloved catchphrase: “The crew has the fire under control! HA-cha-cha!”

Judge Parker, 5/25/15

Speaking of people tipping their helmet in a courtly fashion, looks like there’s a new hunky he-hunk in town to vie for Neddy’s affection! Sure, she has a sort-of boyfriend who’s in Hong Kong and who’s supposed to be coming back to Spencer-Driverburg … tomorrow? Tomorrow in strip time? Tomorrow’s a long way off in Judge Parker chronology (about eight to fourteen weeks, by my estimate), so Neddy will have lots of time to contemplate Hank’s muscled forearms and cleft chin and the fact that he works for her so she is allowed to choose him for sexual services, in accordance with Spencer law. Also, isn’t Neddy Neddy’s designer? Like, the whole point of this operation is to manufacture the clothes she … designs, right? Never mind, though, look at that boyishly tousled hair, this guy can design whatever he wants, knowwhatimean??? (I mean sex, he can design sex, with Neddy.)

Crankshaft, 5/25/15

And speaking of crooked grins, I know that lopsided sarcasm-smirks are the Funkyverse’s dominant facial expression, but maybe don’t put one on someone who you’re drawing in semi-realistic closeup? Because otherwise it just kinda looks like they’ve had a terrible facial injury that’s mostly sealed up their mouth with scar tissue, dear God.

Mary Worth, 5/25/15

“Three things! I did three things for you! I took you to a restaurant. A restaurant! Now just tell me, if I were a truck, would you report me for veering wildly across multiple lanes of traffic, or would you have sex with me? I need to know!”

Hagar the Horrible, 5/25/15

Hagar definitely stabbed that guy with his sword between panels two and three, right? Stabbed him to death? Stabbed him to death and took his pizza?

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Panels from Beetle Bailey, 5/24/15

Usually the best thing you can say about the art in Beetle Bailey is that it’s serviceably cartoonish, but I think something subtle and interesting is going on here today’s strip, which invades the dreams of a number of Camp Swampy denizens. General Halftrack imagines receiving an award from some generic civilian dignitary; though the achievement is obviously above his real-world capabilities, his dream-self remains identical to what we know of reality. In Lt. Fuzz’s dream, though, he’s being given an award from — who? We all know that Halftrack is the lucky focus of his monomaniacal sycophancy, so we have to assume that this figure represents the General. But his mustache is less fluffy, his face more dignified. Does Fuzz dream not just of recognition from his boss, but recognition from a better version of his boss? Is his world so sad that he can’t conceive of a Halftrack-less life, and at best can imagine only incremental improvements?

Marvin, 5/24/15

If some member of the Miller clan were to be the ultimate cause of humanity’s fiery atomic extinction, I would’ve assumed that it’d be Marvin. But as long as the hated hell-infant is vaporized by dozens of converging Russian ICBMs, I’m not really going to quibble about the process.