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Hello, faithful readers! I am back in the saddle and better than ever. I had a wonderful if extremely exhausting time on my book tour. Attendance really blew right past my expectations, and I might try to do some west coast dates later this year, so watch this space. I got to meet many of you, including a young man in Buffalo who asked me to autograph a printed out joke from my blog where I made fun of Archie! I was very, very thrilled to do this.

Anyway! Huge thanks to everyone who contributed during the fundraiser — you’ll be getting personalized thank yous soon, along with queries for info on where to send your tote bag, if you want one. And huge thanks to the unflappable Uncle Lumpy, who got to experience the most shocking moment in recent Mary Worth history, and who was hilarious all week. As Uncle Lumpy noted, though, Mary Worth’s new artistic regime is only working on Sunday strips for now, so in today’s strip, the world is back in the configuration that we all know and understand.

Mary Worth, 5/9/16

I love how Cathy has managed to get all the way up to touching distance in the middle of this vast expanse of concrete and Dawn is only now noticing her. Presumably her mind is far, far away, thinking about Harlan bending over in his short yoga shorts and how she is definitely 100% only friends with him, the sort of friendship that’s so all-consuming that you don’t have time for non-Harlan friends, because what use are non-Harlan friends, really?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/9/16

In other soap strip personnel news, as promised Rex Morgan, M.D., artist Terry Beatty is now Rex Morgan, M.D., artist and writer Terry Beatty. And the first thing happening under the new regime is that Rex and June are definitely not buying this fusty old money pit, which is great news for lovelorn pinheads. I love Rex’s genuinely thoughtful face in panel three. “No three-prong plugs? But … how will I power the laptop I use to ignore you?”

Crankshaft, 5/9/16

Haha, looks like Rose, the character introduced to make sure that Ed Crankshaft wasn’t the least likable person in the comic strip named after him, is about to die! It’s zany punchlines like this one that really make Crankshaft the “fun” Funkyverse strip.

Pluggers, 5/9/16

You know, I’m pretty mean to the pluggers in Pluggers, but if you’re not overwhelmed by terrible empathy looking at this man-dog’s sad facial expression as he contemplates the amount of water he needs to choke down all the pills keeping him alive, you’re some kind of monster.

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Mary Worth, 5/8/16

You know that movie moment when the hero/heroine makes some everyday gesture like taking off his/her glasses and the heroine/hero sees for the first time how attractive he/she really is? And thereafter their romantic entanglement is just a matter of time, typically seconds? Well that just happened for Harlan and Dawn in Mary Worth, and suddenly their whole world looks different and exciting! But don’t worry, you crazy lovestruck kids – gossip will still be gossip even after you systematically validate every accusation those haters make. So that George Harrison quote up there will still apply. Priorities!

New Wilbur waits for his entrance just offstage — four hairs askew; eyes locked on that beautiful, impossible sandwich; standing in a puddle of his own drool.

Mark Trail, 5/8/16

Of course for compelling Sunday comics art, one seldom needs to look further than Mark Trail. But the strip takes a chilling turn when it promotes giving a “colony” of timber rattlesnakes (Crotalus horridus, for Pete’s sake) their own private Eden smack in the middle of densely populated Massachusetts.

“What’sssss the problem?”, whispers a tiny voice. “Those deathsssss were never documented, and everyone knows the peninsssssula … I mean the isssssland … is strictly ‘off-limitsssss.’ I mean we can read sssssigns, even if we can’t ssssswim.”

Mark, the serpent is a liar. Maybe you read that in a book once, long ago?

Judge Parker, 5/8/16 (panels)

Oh look, it’s Rocky, strolling in all relaxed and blissfully unaware of the histrionic and utterly pointless “where’s Rocky” subplot that’s been going on since last August. Hi, Rocky!

Haha once again, Josh has handed me the keys to the Comics Curmudgeon for a few days only to see something amazing happen in Mary Worth on my watch. It’s like my superpower, or maybe his. Back in 2010 it was a shootout at the Santa RoyMart warehouse; this time, it’s a major change in the Sunday strip’s artistic direction.

The new artists are the husband-and-wife team of June Brigman and Roy Richardson. Comic book fans will know Brigman’s work on Supergirl and as a founder of Marvel’s Power Pack; Richardson’s inking for Captain America, Iron Man, and The Flash; and their collaboration on the Star Wars: River of Chaos series of graphic novels. But I got to know their work from Brenda Starr, for which I was an unabashed fanboy. I am going to like the hell out of this, and I hope you do, too.

Outgoing (but not retiring – he’ll still do the dailies) artist Joe Giella, like Brigman and Richardson, is a comic-book veteran – check out his Wikipedia page for the portrait of a proud old-school Industrial Artist whose contributions helped define every comic-book “age” from Golden to right now. This interview is worth a read, too. He also has a great sense of humor, as revealed by this 2008 drawing that our usually lowercase Josh rightly called THE GREATEST MARY WORTH-RELATED THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.

And with that, faithful readers, I’m off the clock. Thank you for a great week, and for being so generous during the fundraiser. Josh returns Monday morning, with steaming hot cauldrons of that Joshy goodness we all know and love. Until next time!

– Uncle Lumpy

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Crankshaft, 5/7/16

Dr. Crouse: “Mr. Murdoch, I think I can save us both a lot of time: engage sincerely with the people and events in your life and don’t reduce them all to setups for stupid jokes.”

Jeff: “Is there an app for that?”

Dr. Crouse: “That will be one hundred seventy-five dollars. See you again never.”

Funky Winkerbean, 5/7/16

Team Funky: “Oops, I guess ‘Explosions cause lovemaking because lovemaking causes explosions’ is more of a non sequitur than a joke. Maybe if we put in a lot of extra words nobody will notice.”

What’s wrong with the time-honored “Nothing like this has ever happened to me before”?

Sally Forth, 5/7/16

Faye struggles to keep Hilary from turning into Ted without turning herself into Sally. Not going well.

I had hoped that Nona, Hilary, and Faye were going to step into the roles of Tommie, Lu Ann, and Margo in an Apartment 3-G reboot. But now it looks likelier that Tommie, Lu Ann, and Margo will leave Manhattan to duke it out back home with their respective dysfunctional families. Could still be good!

– Uncle Lumpy