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Dennis the Menace, 5/26/22

The only thing menacing here is that Dennis is six years old and should only have the vaguest idea of what “radio” is, and he certainly shouldn’t know that it had a pre-TV heyday. What is Mr. Wilson filling his head with on those constant next-door visits? Is he getting the poor boy hooked on nostalgia, the deadliest drug of all?

Hi and Lois, 5/26/22

Hi and Lois may have moved their family to the most white-bread suburb there is, but clearly they’ve been letting the kids get on the computer or something, and they’ve learned “ethnic” words and are now experimenting with “big city” foods. Is it time to go full Keane Kompound?

Mary Worth, 5/26/22

“So I can smother you with it while you sleep, Jesus Christ”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/25/22

Exciting developments in Rex Morgan, M.D., everyone! It turns out that vigilantism is not only bad for your rotator cuff, but it’s also illegal, whoops. I’m honestly intrigued by our hero’s insistence not only that being a vigilante is good, but that these guys are his prisoners and his responsibility. Like, a typical superhero’s M.O. is to leave the bad guys he catches tied up for the cops to find, perhaps with a demeaning note taped to their chest. But what does the Street Sweeper have planned for these thugs, if not that? Remember, by day he’s a janitor with a real crappy apartment, so I’m concerned that he doesn’t have the proper facilities to detain these gentlemen, let alone conduct a proper trial. I’m beginning to wonder if he injured his rotator cuff from the summary executions he’s been doing nonstop over the past few months.

Mary Worth, 5/25/22

Uh oh, bad news! Jared will not be able to rely on physical proximity to maintain his hold over Dawn this summer. What if the nerds down at the computer lab turn out to be hotter than hospital-nerds like Jared? We all know Dawn’s object permanence is weak, so what weird and unpleasant passive-aggressive behavior will Jared have to resort to in order to keep her heart?

Hi and Lois, 5/25/22

I am drawing great strength from the facial expressions of both Hi and the ice cream guy in panel two. They are both, each in their own way, extremely over these kids’ shit.

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Dick Tracy, 5/24/22

Aww, it looks like this rat dinner is actually just a li’l treat for an adorable li’l owl sidekick to this owlish (?) dude, who I’m pretty sure is the same guy who we saw last week hypnotizing people at ATMs into giving him their money, just like an owl would (????). I’m thinking of completely changing careers and setting up a computer repair shop, but telling everyone that all service has to take place on my front porch because “computer components aren’t owl friendly” and offering no follow-up or further explanation.

Mary Worth, 5/24/22

Aw, crap, it looks like against my advice this summer romance storyline is going to be about Dawn and Jared after all! And instead of “romance” it’s actually going to be about how Jared still doesn’t feel like he isn’t “good enough” to meet Dawn’s standards (?????????) and has to keep puffing himself up in her eyes, with hilarious results. “Dawn, I’m not some idiot clown who’s always screeching and throwing poop, like a baboon! In some circles, I’m actually considered quite intelligent, like a baboon.”

Marvin, 5/24/22

Say what you will about the comic strip Marvin, but it really hammers home what it’s like to be a parent to an infant (what it’s like is that there’s piss and shit everywhere that you have to deal with). It also takes occasional breaks from that material in order to let you know what it’s like dealing with an older gentleman (what it’s like is there’s also a bunch of piss stuff and it takes about 33% more time for them to get to the point about it than it should).

Beetle Bailey, 5/24/22

Sad news, everyone: the closed, secret trial of General Halftrack is about to start! He’s going to be the first person sent to Gitmo for incompetence.