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Funky Winkerbean, 9/20/15

Yeah, so, I never did keep you updated on the extremely disappointing follow-up to this strip, which was that obviously Summer isn’t throwing her mother’s precious tapes in the trash, but rather is just getting them converted to digital, and, more to the point, letting local weirdo Crazy Harry do it instead of trusting an actual professional for some reason. Anyway, local weirdo Crazy Harry watched the tapes, which I’m reasonably sure isn’t necessary for the conversion process, and so we’ve learned that Dead Lisa considered whoever was going to be married to Les 15 years after her death to be “the other woman.” Now Cayla’s going to have to watch this, probably with Les hovering behind her. This is gonna be great. This is gonna be fantastic.

Momma, 9/20/15

Considering it’s broad daylight outside, I’m assuming the bassist MaryLou just fell in love with was working at this cafe, probably on the lunch shift? It’s not even clear that he’s in the band that will be performing rock music tonight! Anyway, what I’m saying is, at least she can tell Momma that this guy has a job.

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Curtis, 9/19/15

OK, I’m going to be nice for a minute: I genuinely like Barry’s expression in panel one. I totally missed it the first time I read through the strip, but once I got to his line in the last panel, I went back to check and, sure enough, there he is, trying to wordlessly warn Curtis of impending doom. It’s a funny call-ahead that I’ll bet most people miss and it’s also a cute facial expression in its own right. Panel three, though? Where Barry’s tiny hand can’t cover his vast and suddenly featureless expanse of face? That one’s a little more off-putting.

Beetle Bailey, 9/19/15

Speaking of evocative facial expressions, Beetle Bailey’s art is probably most kindly described as “simplistic,” but there is genuinely a lot of emotion packed into that bartender’s face in panel two. “Ha ha, this is … just a little game we play! I’m definitely not enabling his terrible alcohol problem and participating in the decades-deep web of passive-aggressive moves and countermoves within his marriage. Right? Being a bartender is OK morally, right? I really need this job!”

Herb and Jamaal, 9/19/15

I love that Rev. Croom has saved his little quip in the last panel for a thought balloon. It’s like, this could’ve been a great natural conversational opportunity for him to minister to Herb and maybe expand his parishioner’s understanding of religion, but, fuck it, he’s on his lunch break, you know?

Pluggers, 9/19/15

WELP HERE YOU GO PLUGGERS HATE CHURCH AND THEY HATE JESUS HERE’S ALL THE PROOF YOU NEED

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Why hello! It’s Friday afternoon, so you must be awaiting your comment of the week! Here it is!

“‘I guess she’s really gone; there’s only one thing to do. Beard, your name is Toby now.’ (lovingly strokes beard) ‘You’ll never leave me, Toby. We’ll always be together.'” –Dan

And here are some hilarious runners-up!

“In this high-stakes game of international business intrigue, Heather strikes first by changing company passwords! I really hope next Sunday’s strip is an extended scene of Hugh pacing around his own library trying to remember what Heather’s mother’s maiden name is.” –pugfuggly

Spider-Man: “I will make you my queen. You will lay your ova on the muddy ocean floor. I will spill my seed to fertilize them. It is, ahem, quite sensuous.” –Joe Momma

“You see, Rusty, why would you ever want to play Pokemon, when you could be observing two live animals fighting to the death? No, no … don’t look away. Stare at the blood, son. Stare at the blood until all those feelings numb. Then you’ll be ready for a career in nature journalism and awkwardly interacting with the humans of this world.” –Comrade Dread

“By ‘take care of it’ I assume Mark’s going to stow away the innocent garter snake beneath Cherry’s mattress in her separate bed, so that when she wakes up nestling it out of some repressed desire for real human interaction, she’ll realize that people aren’t born being afraid of snakes, and Mark’ll walk in smiling his dead-eyed smile, with a plate full of snake-shaped pancakes or something. Or maybe she’ll come home one day and the house’ll be knee-high with snakes, like a ball pit. God, that must be a fun marriage.” –Jack loves comics

“Are we supposed to like this blond in Rex Morgan? Because I have a new theory about this strip and Judge Parker. I think they’re written by Soviet sleeper agents sent to the U.S. in the ’80s to turn America against capitalists. ‘Look,’ the writers say, ‘see how the capitalist class gets everything just handed to them without effort. See how they manipulate the proletariat! In Soviet Union, Judge Parkerchov features noble judge sentencing fascists and wreckers to Gulag. In Soviet Union, Rex Morganachov heals the sick regardless of income and even romances lovely wife.’ Hell, if they throw in a Soviet Mary Worth in which Mary gets sent to the Gulag as a rumor-monger, I’m ready to change sides.” –Voshkod

“Man, it looks like Crankshaft’s fucking that kangaroo in the first panel. Angrily, of course.” –Pozzo

“‘I’ll solve the immigration problem by filling the potholes! Then I’ll lower taxes by fighting the terrorists, and stop global warming by reducing gun violence without infringing on the Second Amendment! I know those fat cats don’t want me to say this, but God bless America!’ Shit, Ralph might actually win this thing.” –Doctor Handsome

“So … Margo no longer has amnesia? Did she ever? How do you forget where you live but remember someone as boring as Lu Ann?” –TheDiva

“‘It’s okay Margo, you’ll be just fine,’ said a cross-eyed and visibly drunk Lu Ann.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“The funniest part of today’s Momma is the look of genuine surprise on Momma’s face in panel one as she exclaims ‘Really?’ upon hearing that Francis wants to become ‘a model son’ to her. You can tell that this idea challenges everything she thought she knew about her own children. ‘So … you haven’t devoted yourself fully to the goal of making my autumn years miserable? You exist for some other reason than to torment me as I totter towards the grave? Hmmm. This requires further thought on my part.’ Luckily, she recovers quickly enough to wish death upon her son in panel three.” –Joe Blevins

“‘I spent a whole night thinking about’ somebody is an extremely weak euphemism for … um, staying up late watching Meg Ryan movies and crying? Yes. Let’s go with that.” –pastordan

Mary Worth: “Somehow despite his anguish, Ian has found the strength to put the flowers in a nice vase and cook himself a THREE-COLORED MEAL — an unprecedented level of nutritional diversity at Charterstone. Meanwhile Toby is unable to move and can only stare at her luggage in horror. She may have overplayed her hand here.” –Adam Menendez

“Let’s see how long the interested parties in Bangalore stay interested when they find out the CEO’s trophy wife can hack the entire system whenever she has a free Saturday afternoon.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Y’know, if you have no background in running a company or manufacturing lenses, maybe selling the company to the highest bidder is the best idea both for your own finances and for the future of the company? Or, we could let the nanny run it, that might work.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Oh my god, a phone exactly the same colour as your beard so it blends into your beard when you talk on it. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT” –Adam

“Why does Mark have an app to measure Ken’s level of arousal?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I’m digging Mississippi Ken’s realistic foam fan finger. You, sir, are No. 1.” –Dood

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