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Mark Trail, 6/19/15

It looks like this Mark Trail plot is finally swinging into gear, and our guest stars will be a couple of mismatched lovers! Ken and Kelly both get great satisfaction out of spending time with animals. Kelly likes finding adorable, helpless orphaned squirrels and raising them until they’re strong and healthy enough to survive on their own; Ken loves to go find sharks out in the water and kill them in the frenzy of blood-lust than can only come by doing battle with nature’s most perfect predator. The emotions they get out of these experiences are mostly the same.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/19/15

Kelly may be concerned that she’ll get in trouble for letting Sarah see nudity, based on the Morgans’ well-known anti-sex attitudes, but she needn’t worry: Rex and June are letting their daughter work in a museum that’s lousy with nakedness, proving that there’s a nude statue loophole in place here.

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Apartment 3-G, 6/18/15

“There’s more, Tommie.” “OH?!” The Tommie-bot was beginning to disassemble herself for easier storage when it became clear that Lu Ann wished to prolong the interaction, so she hastily reattached her head.

Blondie, 6/18/15

“Actually, this has been a bit slower for us than normal. That’s why we’re hosting and catering an orgy!”

Dennis the Menace, 6/18/15

Little-known fact: when a comic strip’s main character says the name of the strip in the strip, the strip’s universe disappears in a puff of smoke. That’s why Dennis’s parents are so excited. At last, they think, we’re almost free.

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Mary Worth, 6/17/15

Hey, fellas, just so you know, when you suddenly and abruptly move into your ex’s apartment building and announce that the two of you are getting back together, and she flees in terror shouting “I can’t do this!”, it’s not that she doesn’t love you or that she’s afraid of you or anything. It’s just that she loves you so much that she couldn’t handle it if you ever broke up again. So keep wooing her! Persistence is key! Make sure she knows that the two of you will be together always, until one of you is dead!

Beetle Bailey, 6/17/15

“Why would we ever attempt to lab-grow fleshy, disease-prone bio-bodies for our sexual needs,” thinks Spc. Gizmo wearily to himself, “when we could be fucking clean, efficient robots?”

Marvin, 6/17/15

I find panel three here, in which Marvin stares directly into the reader’s eyes, extremely chilling. “Go ahead, comics blogger, make fun of the endless poop jokes,” he seems to be saying. “But poop jokes are what people want. Poop jokes, for lack of a better word, are good.”