Comment of the Week

After all the other 'Ed doing things nobody visiting NYC would' entries, I have to acknowledge today's strip for verisimilitude: Only a tourist would go to Washington Square Park to buy pot.

ValdVin

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Hagar the Horrible, 7/1/14

Here’s a problem I sometimes have with my critical approach to Hagar the Horrible: my instinct in making jokes about it is to contrast the low-stakes domestic humor that drives most of the strip’s gags with the actual nightmarish bloodbath that was Viking society — and yet that contrast also sometimes seems to be the intended reading of the strip, and I feel that’s happening more and more often. Take Lucky Eddie, for instance: one of the core things that’s “funny” about him is that he’s a little too gentle to be a Viking warrior. So today, Hagar is having him kill an adorable rabbit that’s begging for its life, in hope of snuffing out that spark of human kindness within him and making him more effective at the murder and slaving that makes up the core of his job. This is one of the most traumatizing Hagar the Horribles I’ve read in years, is what I’m saying.

Wizard of Id, 7/1/14

Hey, remember when 300 was a popular movie, seven years ago? And there were lots of ripped mostly naked dudes in it? And remember when the 300 sequel came out, four months ago, and it was significantly less popular? Anyway, this is what the Wizard of Id creative team thinks an attractive muscular torso looks like, I guess.

Dennis the Menace, 7/1/14

Dennis is passive-aggressively slut-shaming Joey’s dog! I dub this … pretty menacing.

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Nine years and fifty weeks ago, a young man living in Baltimore, Maryland, spent too much of every morning annoying his then-fiancée with jokes about the soap opera comic strips that he read in the physical newspaper like some sort of primitive cave-man. After following up a Mary Worth-themed breakfast bon mot with an idle boast to start a comics-related blog one too many times, that young man was told by his fiancée that he had to put up or shut up about it. And so he started “I Read The Comics So You Don’t Have To,” grabbing the URL joshreads.blogspot.com only because other variations on the title were already taken. That young man, as you might have guessed, was me. The first post went up on July 11, 2004; in October I moved the site to my own WordPress URL, and in January 2005 I change the name to the Comics Curmudgeon, and since then it’s been smooth sailing.

Ten years is a long time, especially on the Internet! It’s long enough for blogging to go from being a new, weird, mysterious thing to being something that now seems hopelessly quaint and outdated, for instance. It’s a good time to take stock and contemplate one’s life and career. For instance, here’s a couple big pieces of Josh-themed news:

  • Remember that book I Kickstarted, two years ago, which is now many months overdue? The writing part is a-l-m-o-s-t done. I have a hard self-imposed deadline to get it into the hands of my copy editor by the end of July, which should mean physical books can get into the hands of readers by the end of the year. That deadline is hard because…
  • …Amber and I will be moving to Los Angeles in September, with the goal of me Making It in Comedy Entertainment in some fashion. So if you live in LA and work in Real Professional Comedy in some capacity — TV, movies, standup, whatever — and you enjoy my blog and always thought “Gee, it’s too bad that guy lives in Baltimore,” well, now’s your chance to hit me up! Even if you don’t have the standard rich and famous contract for me to sign, I’d love to buy you lunch and pick your brain. Also, we’ll be there in early August to find an apartment, so if you know of a two-bedroom for rent in Silver Lake or its various adjacent neighborhoods, let me know! Haven’t you always wanted to have the Comics Curmudgeon living in your pool-house, Kato Kaelin style? Email me at bio at jfruh dot com if you want to discuss matters Los Angeles!

All that having been said, blogging can happen from anywhere, and the soap opera strips are available on the Internet, and so I will continue to make jokes about Mary Worth until the sun expands into a red giant and/or our consciousnesses are uploaded to computers with no need for “humor.” But still, ten years is a good time for some self-indulgent self-reflection, right? So for the next two weeks, I’ll be counting down my favorite soap opera plots from each of the last ten years, because the soaps are my lodestar, the reason I got into the comics-mocking game in the first place. Those of you who’ve been around for the whole run can join me in some nostalgia. More recent converts: you are in for the RIDE OF YOUR LIFE.

***

The span from July 2004 through July 2005 was a magical year for the soaps, really, and it’s easy to see why I was convinced that this was a gimmick I could ride to Internet laffs glory forever. It was the year, for instance, that Margo in Apartment 3-G got kidnapped and forced to work in a garment sweatshop in New Jersey, and was subjected to this famous command:

It was also the year we learned that, no matter how square he may seem, Mark Trail knows what cocaine tastes like. (Later he was thrown to the sharks.)

But the soap-wise, the first year of this blog belonged to one man: Tommy the Tweaker.

Tommy was an extremely emo ex-con with big, big ideas of becoming a suburban meth dealer, years before Breaking Bad made meth all trendy. He had cool hair and great salesmanship, and when you took his meth, you got super high right away, or maybe almost died, which can be sort of the same thing?

Like all prophets, Tommy was unappreciated in his own time, by which I mean he was immediately arrested. He returned this year, and while that storyline was definitely a blast, it’s hard to overstate how much the fall of 2004 got me to fall in love with the soap opera comics as a medium, and to realize that curating Mary Worth was probably my destiny.

TOMORROW: 2005-06! It was a year of dognappers, sad bears, homeless basketball players, outsourced homework, sexy feederism, and golf-flirting, but: there can be only one winner!

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Mark Trail, 6/30/14

Whoops, looks like I misinterpreted the relationship between Lori and Chris earlier — they aren’t a mismatched good gal/bad guy couple, but rather a good gal/bad guy safari buddy pair, in which the bad guy wants more, probably because he’s bad. Tonight Lori is letting Chris down extremely not-easy: she’d be perfectly willing to look past his ruined finances and his life-destroying gambling problem if only she felt even the slightest bit of romantic attraction for him, which, she can’t emphasize enough, she does not. Ha ha, Chris, feel free to think that Lori has “fallen” for asexual weirdo Mark Trail over the past six hours that she’s known him and that’s why she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend! But that’s not it at all. It’s you! It’s just that you’re terrible and nobody could possibly love you!

Shoe, 6/30/14

While traditionally birds and reptiles have been seen as different classes within the animal kingdom, over the past few decades biologists have redefined their taxonomies based on evolutionary descent rather than physical characteristics. Since birds are descended from dinosaurs, the distinction between birds and reptiles is thus false. Crocodiles and alligators, for instance, are more closely related to birds than they are to lizards or turtles. What I’m trying to say here, lady, is that you’re a bird and your feet are scaly and clawed and maybe you shouldn’t be so self-loathing about it.

B.C., 6/30/14

He’d never been fishing before, so he didn’t really know what to expect. Certainly he wasn’t anticipating that he’d get to sweet-talk and then make love to a fish. Not that he was complaining, mind you.

Heathcliff, 6/30/14

The cat wig business is great ha ha ha I have literally no idea what’s happening here or what it could possibly mean