Blondie, 3/11/13
Easiest way to distract Dagwood from all the terrible news you’re about to give him about his financial condition: Metaphors! Lots of colorful, confusing metaphors!
Herb and Jamaal, 3/11/13
Ha ha, it’s funny because Jamaal used to have sex with lots of different women, but now he has trouble pooping.
Hi and Lois, 3/11/13
I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve ever seen Chip’s eyes? They’re terrifying.
Family Circus, 3/10/13
Good morning, America! Are you feeling a little … discombobulated? Like you didn’t get enough sleep? That’s because you’re under the boot heel of the United Nations and their one-world “Daylight Savings Time” plot. Most Americans are like the kids at the top of this panel, trudging off to another grey day in the grip of New World Order chrono-tyranny. Only those citizens in the few remaining freedom-loving states and insular areas are like the kids at the bottom, skipping and dancing in the bright light of liberty.
Funky Winkerbean, 3/10/13
I know it’s hard to tell, but Les seems even smugger than usual about whatever bit of judicial activism has Crazy Harry so worked up. “Roberts and his cronies just said that, under the Constitution’s right to privacy, a man remains married to his sainted dead wife’s ghost even when he marries another living woman! It’s not natural, I tell ya!”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/10/13
Soooo … Snuffy is going to die from taking too many or not enough pills, I guess?
Mark Trail, 3/9/13
OK, fine, I’ve been ignoring it all week, but yes, Rusty was snooping around Rod Bassy’s van and saw the cheating-at-fishing equipment and got caught and now has been tied up, and, I mean, it’s hilarious and all but it’s not exactly a surprise, is it? The best part here is that Rod Bassy is reacting to the fact that his friend/accomplice Catfish has, you know, forcibly kidnapped a child with irritation that this will complicate his plan to rig the outcome of yet another bass fishing tournament, rather than with mounting panic and despair a là William H. Macy in Fargo. I mean, really, the tied-up little boy is in a van with Rod’s name painted in enormous letters on the side! You know, there’s a reason child kidnappers usually use vehicles without distinguishing marks.
Mary Worth, 3/9/13
Carlos Alora is the Charterstone groundskeeper and he hasn’t been seen in years, like, not since I started reading this strip in 2002 or thereabouts. Now they’re misspelling his name, which is more insulting than just dropping him down the memory hole. JUSTICE FOR CARLOS! WE CAN HEAR THE DOUBLE L WHEN YOU PRONOUNCE IT, MARY!
Shoe, 3/9/13
Man, can you believe it’s been four years since the rebooted Star Trek movie came out? Which means it’s probably been about three and a half years that Shoe’s been sitting on this joke, but now at last it’s relevant! Wasn’t it worth the wait? (No, no it wasn’t.)
Six Chix, 3/9/13
“Good lord, that was a filthy fuckfest, in every sense of the word! I had sex with a lot of men that weekend, but your father was the only one whose name I learned. Of course, that was only after we had done it five or six times. Hey, where are you going?”