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Mary Worth, 1/14/13

Could Dr. Jeff’s instincts about Mary’s platonic male cake-making partner have been right? If John’s really just a widowed amateur cakemaker, looking to win a contest and break into this high-pressure, rewarding world, then why is he rubbing his hands together and sneering like a supervillain in panel two? “I want to show you my design, Mary … it’s a giant laser, made entirely out of cake, and capable of destroying a city with a push of a button! Who’s just some retired innkeeper with a dumb William Powell mustache now, eh? Eh? MOO HA HA HA HA!”

Family Circus, 1/14/13

Good lord, this is one of the saddest Family Circuses I’ve ever seen. Dolly and Jeffy’s purposeful stride, Dolly’s narrowed eyes, and Grandma’s stricken expression pretty much make it clear that the Keane Kids simply walked out on their grandmother in mid-anecdote. “We get, it, Grandma, things were different when you were our age. How about telling us what things were like when you were old enough to be interesting but not old enough to be boring? What were the cool drugs? What famous dudes did you mess around with? Did you ever stab a man in self-defense, or for fun? We’ll be in the other room, watching TV and picking our noses, any time you want to come and get real with the reminiscing.”

Shoe, 1/14/13

Notice the contrast between Shoe and the Perfesser’s reactions in panel two. Shoe displays this strip’s Trademark Goggle Eyes Of Horror at hearing that Roz holds no strong opinion about a feature in his newspaper. He’s genuinely shocked that a citizen isn’t interested in the opportunity to make her opinions known to the world. The Perfesser, meanwhile, maintains his soul-numbed, heavy-lidded expression. He knows he works for a second-rate publication that’s part of a dying industry. He knows nobody cares about what he does and that once he dies his life’s body of work will be instantly forgotten. This is what the world has to offer. It is what he has come to expect.

Dick Tracy, 1/14/13

A metaphor for our fallen nation: now that “Lake Freedom” has been drained, we need some kind of elitist college professor just explain to us how to open a metal box. CAN YOU HEAR THE EAGLES WEEPING?

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/13/13

I do really wonder at the plot development process that brought us a Rex Morgan, M.D., storyline that includes a sensitive treatment of breast cancer and its medical, economic, and psychological effects on people without health insurance, but also features sexy strippers getting into a cat fight over Rex. Was it conceived of as a single, organic whole, appearing as a creative vision in the writer’s mind? Is it the result of some synthesis, the product of a debate external (e.g., desperate stakeholders with conflicting visions arguing in a boardroom) or internal (e.g., a devil on the writer’s shoulder shouting “STRIPPERS!” and an angel shouting “CANCER!”)? Whatever got us here, it’s pretty great.

Two things in particular I’m fascinated by today are the waistline of BW’s pants, which seems to improbably dip down in the front to better showcase her washboard abs, and her nickname. I guess it’s pronounced “Bee Doubleyou,” but that doesn’t have any fewer syllables and is more awkward to pronounce than “Brenda Woods.” Plus the lack of periods when it’s written out seems a little odd. Is she maybe saying “Bwuh”?

Spider-Man, 1/13/13

“So it’s much more dramatically interesting this way than if he were, say, defeated by a super-hero, right? Everybody likes it better this way, right? So, um, that was my plan all along?”

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Heathcliff, 1/12/13

Heathcliff enjoys eating actual putrefying garbage, much to the disgust of humans.

Lockhorns, 1/12/13

As Leroy is all too well aware, the Lockhorns’ friends are prepared to unleash a hail of bullets on both of them with very little provocation.

Pluggers, 1/12/13

WHAAAT A PLUGGER DRIVING A FOREIGN CAR BUILT BY ACTUAL COMMUNISTS HERESY UNCLEAN