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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/7/24

Oh my goodness, Rene’s reign of grifting terror is finally at an end, stopped once and for all by the deliberate and heroic efforts of our protagonists some random guy hitting him with a car. Remember, in the Morganverse, a pedestrian getting run over results not in death but in selective amnesia, so I look forward to seeing how his personality gets rebuilt better than before, possibly with the help of the Lyle Ollman’s patented Mirakle Method™.

Curtis, 1/7/24

A longtime and beloved Curtis bit is that Curtis enjoys cracking wise about the elaborate hats worn by the ladies in his congregation. Part of the bit is that Barry, despite enjoying the quips, always begs him to stop, and today we finally learn why: having angered the Church leadership with their antics, the brothers have now been excommunicated, expelled from the community and forever cut off from God’s grace. Look for a future strip where Derek and “Onion” ask Curtis “Hey, ‘Wimp-kins,’ why the long face?” and he replies “Think’st thou that I, who saw the face of God and tasted the eternal joys of heaven, am not tormented with ten thousand hells in being deprived of everlasting bliss?”

Daddy Daze, 1/7/24

We’re all on the same page about the Daddy Daze baby’s “ba”s actually just being nonsense babble and the Daddy Daze daddy is working out his own interior emotional turmoil when he projects meaning on to them, right? I think today’s strip neatly illustrates the process: something deep the Daddy Daze daddy’s half-awake mind has conjured up a truly nightmarish body horror scenario, which he puts into the mouth of his son, and then his higher consciousness works to transmute this grotesque image into something much more pedestrian: an anxious metaphor about the imposter syndrome that he assumes all adults share. The way he has to speak all this aloud really drives home the fact that he’s got the worst recorded case of bicameral mind since the Bronze Age.

Dick Tracy, 1/7/24

Look, I get that Dick Tracy is at least 15 to 20 percent old timey pop culture references by volume, but I feel like naming two characters after the actors who played the Second and Third Doctors on Doctor Who but you add a letter to one of the names and also don’t make the characters look anything like them is less of an “old timey pop culture reference” and more “ah shit ah shit I need to come up with a couple names for people for this storyline, uh uh uh uh uh”.

Dennis the Menace, 1/7/24

Pretty sure that “a little dehydrated” is the euphemism publicists use describe their celebrity clients who are obviously drunk or high in public, so Dennis’s little game here is the least of the menace on display.

Family Circus, 1/7/24

Don’t be sad, Mr. Snowman! That hot chocolate would hollow you out from the inside within seconds, leaving you to die screaming on the kitchen floor! You’re better off alone outside!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/6/24

Personally, if I had fled in the middle of the night from the people I had defrauded in order to avoid a lawsuit, and also was presumably on probation for attempted murder chargers, I would not hang around in a room full of the people I had wronged just to confirm that Rex Morgan was the ultimate architect of my current setback, no matter how good my fake beard skills were. In fact, I would simply leave Glenwood altogether if it seemed that all of my evil schemes were being foiled by Glenwood’s most prominent doctor! That’s just me, though. I’m not telling Rene how to do his job. But, honestly, he seems pretty bad it, so maybe he could use the advice.

The Lockhorns, 1/6/24

“I know this, of course, because of our varied, intense, and enthusiastically consensual BDSM-centered sex life. ‘Wallet area’ is what I call his ass when I’m mixing things up with a little financial humiliation play.”

Daddy Daze, 1/6/24

We all know about the Daddy Daze daddy, who speaks in normal human language, and about the Daddy Daze baby, who speaks in a series of “ba”s that the Daddy Daze daddy purports to understand and translates for the benefit of us, the readers. Well, today we learn about the Daddy Daze grandaddy, who speaks in series of asterisks that the Daddy Daze daddy purports to understand and translates for the benefit of us, the readers. Pretty crazy, huh? That’s 2024, baby. Who knows what surprises await!

Family Circus, 1/6/24

RED ALERT RED ALERT DOLLY HAS BECOME AWARE OF FEMINISM, REPEAT, DOLLY HAS BECOME AWARE OF FEMINISM

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Start 2024 off with a bang and with your first (but by no means last!) comment of the week!

“Today’s Rex Morgan is far more interesting if you read ‘CLAP!’ as not spontaneous applause, but each victim of the Mirakle Method clapping in unison. ‘CLAP!’ and the room reverberates, and then long seconds of silence, and then ‘CLAP!’ like nearing thunder, and long seconds of silence, then ‘CLAP!’ like the doors of Heaven slamming, and June and Rex sit in rising panic as ‘CLAP!’ and the crowd stands as one and begins to turn toward them, the unbelievers, the heretics, the ones who need to see a Mirakle.” –Voshkod

And your runners up? Also very funny!

“One stern look and it’s floppy fries and farewell forever? Guess Brad should’ve been eating at ALL CHICKEN.” –Skedastic

“Passion for good earthy food, secret bastard daughter, making Greenpeace activists disappear … for being a Marine, Keith is really French!” –Ettorre

“When Kwamay explains his third wish, the fish starts to tear up. ‘Dude, can’t you see what’s right in front of your eyes? After all I’ve done for you… It’s because I’m a fish, isn’t it? We can make it work!’” –Peanut Gallery

“A new year, a new sound for sleeping. We should all strive to include hyphens in our snoring.” –KMD

“What’s especially funny about this scene is that, judging by the black dress and haunted look, Grandma just got back from a funeral. She was probably telling them a story about a beloved friend or relative, and these two melonheads just rolled their eyes and asked if any of this happened since 2018.” –pugfuggly

“Also in attendance tonight, we’ve got the Glenwood Terra Cotta Army of Middle-Aged Americans! Give ’em a hand, folks, but please, no touching or flash photography!” –jroggs

“Henry is embarrassed. He is the one that is supposed to be belittled in this scenario, not the blue-collar Brawny man representing the masculine virtues he as an office-dweller can never hope to achieve.” –Philip

“And don’t forget, friends, this Man-Sawed-In-Half/Exploding-Eyeball trick is brought to you by FM radio. FM: don’t miss our ‘commercial free hour’ at 9 every night!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Dick Tracy is establishing that this woman is a crook like all stage ‘magicians,’ who aren’t magicians at all but con artists who trick people into thinking they’re seeing magic but instead it’s all an elaborate ruse. One day these charlatans will get what’s coming to them from the fists of justice! Look at the audience in panel two who have been fooled into getting PTSD from thinking they just witnessed a gruesome murder! Curse you, Criss Angel, Mind Freak! Learn to spell ‘Chris’, damn it! Curse you, David Copperfield! We know you’re not really a Dickensian character still looking so young and handsome despite being close to two centuries old! Curse you all and your lies!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Chip is just making clear that when he takes his date back to his place for strip poker or whatever horny teens play today (strip Fortnite?), he will definitely win.” –Schroduck

“It’s not quite as subtle a warning as, say, playing football with the head of Oliver Cromwell and then displaying it on a pike, but the local bass get the message just fine.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

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