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No fuss, no muss, just the first COTW of September:

“If he won’t get down on his knee for the proposal, he won’t be getting down there for the honeymoon either, Eve.” –Old School Allie Cat

And your runners up! Very funny!

“This is incredible. They found a way to make a strip about golf even more boring than just having the characters play golf: Having them sit and talk about when they played golf!” –Amelie Wikström

“No wonder nobody talks to Thirsty about his drinking problem. He’s absolutely insufferable sober.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Look at Max Mouse, he’s eating a stolen cookie and nobody says a thing. Don’t tell me he had any money in his goofy little mouse-pants. HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE POCKETS!” –astroboy

“Of course Silas Stork still has Warren Weasel’s scent — that’s who carried baby Warren to his family on the day of his ‘birth.’ I mean, ‘the stork brought him’ is as believable as anything else in this strip, and is certainly less frightening than the concept of animal-human hybrids being conceived the normal way.” –BigTed

“Garbage wars usually start small. Right now, they’re probably just talking trash.” –Pozzo

“A Cancer, if you will. You know, a crabby personality, hates small talk, really drags a locker room down. Honestly, I wanted to trade him for a Virgo, but the boss was being a total Taurus about it.” –Philip

“I’m not gonna say that Blondie and Dagwood are definitely in trouble, but if my spouse became obsessed with a show that was all about divorce, I’d have more follow-up questions than Blondie seems to have here.” –T Campbell

“[barges into son’s room while he’s playing] [calls him a friendless loser] [refuses to elaborate] [leaves]” –ectojazzmage

“‘Joke’ aside, I’m fascinated by that tiny book that Cookie is holding, which not only presupposes a canine publishing industry, but also a wide variety of publishing formats specifically tailored to different breeds.” –pugfuggly

“Doug runs a motel that has branded itself as a holy site for roots country pilgrims, so it’s only natural that when a genre superstar offers to autograph an indefinite amount of memorabilia for him to sell or display that Doug responds with wariness and irritation. If it wasn’t clear, by the way, Doug is intended to be a sympathetic character.” –jroggs

“El Tigre here. Everything’s looking kosher for the kamikaze mission. If he didn’t get our RSVP, we’ll have schadenfreude. Capisce?” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Alice, you might want to back off a little? You are … way too close to your guest and her inadequate cup of coffee. If you’re trying to block her view of the matted-and-framed Oreo cookie you’ve got on the wall — I mean, I get it, that’s a pretty weird piece of art, but refusing to make eye contact with this woman while simultaneously getting close enough to her to let her motorboat you is an unorthodox way to hold a kaffeeklatsch, I’m just saying.” –els

“Well, if it were me I’d choose some enormous, delicious fish I’d never gotten the chance to eat in my entire short life up to then. Just really go out on an unbelievable high note. But we don’t sell miracle meals for trout here. I bet you’re real glad you asked.” –made of wince

“Four hours and one sledgehammering later, Coach Luke is being hauled off by the real cops. ‘They left me no choice! They labelled the Giganotosaurus carolinii as Tyrannosaurus rex despite the obvious differences in skull morphology! Paleontology is my true passion! Paleontology and coaching! My two true passions! Paleontology and coaching and raging! My three true passions! Paleontology and coaching and rage and unjustified revenge!’” –Voshkod

“I don’t normally want hear any of Dustin’s dad’s opinions, but I admit I do want to hear why he thinks you sit side-on to your computer facing it at a 90 degree angle.” –Schroduck

“‘That’s very interesting, sir. By the way, I got crop-dusted in Menards last night.’ ‘Uh, really?’ ‘Oh, sorry! I thought we were doing Elaborate Set-ups for Stories that Go Nowhere!’” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

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Marvin, 9/1/23

I usually wouldn’t describe the syndicated newspaper comic strip Marvin as “realistic,” but I gotta say, Jenny in panels one and two really vividly captures the expression of “oh my god my husband left our literal baby out in the hot sun by himself all afternoon and is gloating about it, I need to make a plan to get the both of us away from here safely without him knowing.”

Dustin, 9/1/23

If you, like me, hate Dustin’s dad with a burning passion, you probably read Dustin and think, “Obviously Dustin’s dad’s whole family hates him as much as I do, but is he blissfully unaware, or does he know, and it haunts him?” Well, today’s strip has some good news for all of us!

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Gil Thorp, 8/31/23

So before we get football season underway, Milford’s students are doing some kind of Night At The Museum sleepover thing, only without the part where the exhibits come to life, probably. Anyway, I’m not sure what possibility is funnier: if Luke Hernandez’s pay at his new Milford coaching job is so low that he has to moonlight as a museum security guard, or if he’s just doing this as part of his job as a Milford faculty member and went out and bought a vaguely law-enforcement-y uniform to help him establish his authority as a chaperone. (The other possibility — that, as this summer’s Prison Bowl demonstrated, Milford-area athletics is becoming full integrated into the carceral state — isn’t really funny at all.)

The Lockhorns, 8/31/23

I really like the expression this bait shop guy is giving Leroy here. “Hey man, that’s … that’s not really how you’re supposed to think about it. I mean, yeah, sometimes the fish die at the end of the process, but not always, and the point is to relax in the boat and have a beer or three, not to come up with a vivid scenario where you’re some kind of fish executioner. Is everything OK at home?”

Dennis the Menace, 8/31/23

Oh, so you don’t like it when tells your guests the mean things you say about them behind their backs, but you also don’t like it when he just quietly goes up to his room and lets the adults socialize? I’m beginning to think that Dennis isn’t the only one engaging in some menacing here.