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Panel from Mary Worth, 11/7/10

Few things brought more delight to me today than the opening panel of Mary Worth. “I had fun!” the fleeing K-car declares sunnily as it speeds away from the towering concrete monstrosity that is Charterstone. Never has this supposedly high-end condo complex looked more like a ramshackle series of cinderblock structures thrown up in short order after the whole area had been leveled in an Allied bombing raid, following a plan laid out by M.C. Escher. The faux-Spanish tiles slapped on the roofs cannot hide the buildings’ essential ghastliness. Hovering merrily over it all, of course, is an Oscar Wilde witticism about stabbing people.

Crankshaft, 11/7/10

As a rule, Crankshaft isn’t shy about its Northeast Ohio setting, or its characters’ love of the various hapless Cleveland-area teams, so I’m a bit confused as to why Crankshaft’s vitriolic screed today focuses only on “our football team,” Herb and Jamaal-style. Is the strip under pressure from the syndicate to somehow be more “universal” and “relatable”? Can’t readers across the country think of at least one angry, unpleasant old man that they hate, without needing to imagine that he’s raging about their football team in particular?

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Mark Trail, 11/6/10

Mark Trail generally doesn’t do cliffhangers per se, preferring to let its narrative unspool in a steady, undifferentiated flow of lunacy. But this Saturday strip is enough to get even those sad souls who don’t spend their weekends thinking about Mark Trail eager for Monday’s installment. Future Governor Frank’s 100 percent foolproof scheme to run Mark off the road to his death, an act which nobody could possibly trace back to him unless they thought about what’s happened in this plot so far for more than two or three seconds, seems to have hit a snag. But what could it be that’s elicited such a mega-bolded WHAT TH’– from our crafty politician? Could Mark’s car be sprouting a protective fist of justice, hurtling out of the front grill so powerfully that not even Frank’s half-ton truck will survive impact?

Dennis the Menace, 11/6/10

By promoting the so-called “Daylight Savings Time” that the secret One World Government has imposed upon us to crush free societies everywhere, Dennis has achieved his highest levels of menace yet.

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Mary Worth, 11/5/10

Oh, no, Mary’s made a terrible mistake! By encouraging Adrian to “think for herself” and “follow her heart” when it comes to dealing with some mean lady person, she’s given her the impression that these are things she should do in all situations — even when the person who’s telling her to do things she doesn’t want to do is her future husband! Obviously there should be no back-talk to Scott. “It doesn’t matter where you go! You’ll have each other! Just have dinner at the Bum Boat with two appetizers, then go to the La Quinta Inn out on State Route 29 for a night of romance and a delicious complimentary breakfast buffet the next morning! That totally counts as a honeymoon! Now put all these non-Scott-approved thoughts of ‘faraway, exotic places’ out of your mind.”

Gil Thorp, 11/5/10

You know, usually Gil Thorp spends weeks gleefully implying something scandalous is going on and when the “something” is finally revealed it turns out to be totally bonkers and unrealistic and hilarious. That’s why, though I’d be amused if any other soap strip featured rampant marijuana dealing down at the park, I actually feel a little betrayed here. That’s it? Earnest foster kid mixed up with guys selling America’s lowest-grade illegal drug? BO-RING! Get back to me when he whacks himself in the back of the head, OK?