Comment of the Week

Is Dr. Jeff's 'again’ meant to indicate that he's already (willfully?) forgotten what Mary's told him, or does it display his belief that Wilbur's life is a karmic circle of disasters that are superficially varied but basically the same thing happening to him over and over?

Pozzo

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Mark Trail, 3/6/09

I’ve been trying, and failing, to come up with a funny about what appears to be the terrible, terrible ending to this Mark Trail storyline, in which we get to see Patty, after months of living in obvious and sustained terror of her slap-happy, quick-trigger husband, groveling for his forgiveness. It’s OK, you see, because he took his medicine (in the form of some antlers to the solar plexus), and he only did it because he loved her too damn much! Ha ha ha! We should have all known that Ken would turn out to be a good guy because, hey, the man can trim off his facial hair like a pro. And now they’ll live happily ever after, until the murder-suicide.

Mary Worth, 3/6/09

Now, passive-aggressive psychological manipulation in relationships — that’s all good fun. “It also makes people check their common sense at the door! Emotions sometime override intelligent thought! Why, you can find yourself trapped with someone who isn’t as they seem, whose sweetness and light in public disguise their need to control and …” “Jeff, I’ve said repeatedly that Adrian will be fine — why are you still talking? Do you want to be banished back to first base for the rest of the month? Do you?

Gil Thorp, 3/6/09

Good lord, look at the pupils on New Wave Hairstyle Girl Whose Name I Don’t Know in panel one. By “Ashley,” she clearly means “that enormous bag of Ecstasy I bought yesterday.”

Funky Winkerbean, 3/6/09

Teen Lesbian Locker Room Hookers — coming up next, on the Spice Channel.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/5/09

Our soldiers are refusing to take performance-enhancing drugs, like steroids, because they prefer non-performance-enhancing drugs, like heroin.

Blondie, 3/5/09

Dagwood’s transformation into a Howard Hughes-style, urine-jar-storing shut-in begins today.

Dennis the Menace, 3/5/09

“Plus you keep downloading viruses from all those porn sites.”

(Possibly more menacing alternative: “Plus I keep downloading viruses from all those porn sites.”)

Family Circus, 3/5/09

Jeffy finds himself encrusted with filth with such depressing regularity that he has established some sort of rating system for it.

Hi and Lois, 3/5/09

Hi and Lois is attempting to match Ziggy’s patented brand of second-rate empty-background existentialist absurdism — and, sadly, coming up fairly short.

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Mark Trail, 3/4/09

With a mighty KEN!, Patty single-handedly redefines ludicrous dialogue boldface in Mark Trail; and with a weepy “It’s all my fault!” over the supine form of her beloved abusive husband, she single-handedly sets attitudes about domestic violence back decades. I look forward to seeing just how hilariously offensive the conclusion to this story is: presumably Patty will apologize for forcing Ken to slap her, Ken will allow the deer that caused him massive internal injuries to live in their house, the magazine article Mark will write about the whole affair will arouse such sympathy in the timber-purchasing community that Ken’s business will pick up again, and our happy couple will finally have that baby, which will quickly die of Lyme disease.

Gil Thorp, 3/4/09

CRUTCHES? CRUTCHES? NOOOOOO! I CLENCH MY FIST IN RAGE! See, what the doctor doesn’t realize is that Milford student-athletes are only valued for their physical prowess; like racehorses, once they’re injured, they’re put down so that they don’t take up valuable classroom space that could be used by a point guard who can walk unaided. Ashley knows that Coach Kaz will be waiting at her house with a shotgun if she fails to leave the hospital under her own power.

Alternately, Ashely might be enraged because she realizes that the “doctor” is actually Marty Moon, who has wandered into the hospital hoping to find some unguarded morphine.

Pluggers, 3/4/09

This may be the first time that Pluggers has inspired pity in me rather than rage or contempt. So, you thought the basic literacy and arithmetic skills taught in public schools would help you climb the economic ladder despite your lack of elite connections, eh, pluggers? You poor anthropomorphic saps.