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Do you hate Mondays like Garfield hates Mondays, or like you hate Garfield? There’s no need for hatin’ now that Monday COTW day!

“Say what you will about Blaze, but it’s January 9th, so he must throw one hell of a New Years Eve party.” –man behind the curtain

And with each COTW, you get an array of several runners up!

“I was originally under the impression that ‘plugger’ was a sort of term of endearment and the point of the strip was for aging working-class folk to commune about their common ailments and idiosyncrasies, but I think the author has become jaded and now loathes these ‘pluggers’ — perhaps his income from his syndicated strip has allowed him to move up the socio-economic ladder to the point where he has forgotten his roots. Or maybe the pressure to meet the constant deadlines of a comic that runs daily has crushed his soul to the point where he must lash out at those who he now sees as the source of his constant torment. In any case, I expect we’ll start seeing future installments where the pluggers start to have targets and gun sight markers drawn over them as they are subject to increasingly bizarre Dante-esque horrors.” –Bobdog

“But besides that, it appears the main reason Mr. Lodge is so mad is because Archie is interrupting his get-high-and-play-bad-versions-of-Pink-Floyd-on-the-flat-guitar-while-wearing-a-gorilla-hair-sweater time.” –The Uncola

“Mr. Lodge’s sweater looks more like AstroTurf than anything else, but since he’s supposed to be rich I guess it would be something rarer — like the AstroTurf featured on the hit television series The Brady Bunch.” –Kelsey

“I’m starting to get a mental image of the women who patronize Ruby’s chain of hair salons, unable to hold their heads upright under the weight of all the bows.” –Darkefang

“Pibgorn: Why do I keep going to take a look when someone mentions this strip? It’s incomprehensible and I haven’t seen fairy boobies yet.” –UncleJeff

“I think Andrew’s ex has actually been brutally dismembered, then reassembled with an elaborate ball joint system so her friend (read: jealous murderer) can pose her like some ‘My First BFF’ doll. This not only explains the incredibly awkward sitting position, but also why her hand can only grip items like an action figure grips an accessory.” –Craig

“Uhm, I feel there should be a discussion of the bows in Ruby’s hair. Although I think all that really needs to be said is ‘ew.'” –ArbuckleLovesLyman

“I’m more and more concerned with the fact that every A3G comic strip features two people revolving around each other like they’re trapped in some sort of crazy video game boss fight level. I always picture them going into some sort of modern dance routine while making their comments, sliding limbs over furniture and playing around with the negative space. ‘No amount of the flooring will ever be trod on for too long!'” –Hasty Penguin

“New Year’s Eve occurs a little late in Apartment 3-G because the cartoonist needs to be certain that the idea of New Year’s Eve is fresh in the minds of the readers. If it actually fell on December 31, it would have been a whole year since the readers had last encountered the concept. Now it’s only a couple weeks ago, and some of them will remember it.” –Mr. Nice Guy

“Say what you will about Sunday’s [Hi and Lois], but realize this: the exact same plot would have served as the basis of at least two months of Mary Worth.” –Hank

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Beetle Bailey, 1/14/08

I actually kind of admire the spare joke at the core of this Beetle Bailey: Beetle doesn’t want to climb the steep hill, despite the fact that the hill’s steepness is exactly the point, because he is lazy and thus resistant to most of the activities the Army has planned to improve his readiness for combat. This being Beetle Bailey, the effect is ruined to a certain extent by the slapdash visuals. The presence of the plunger in panel two is puzzling enough (does Beetle plan to use it as a makeshift bludgeon in a last-ditch effort to avoid enforced PT?); it’s made even more baffling by its total absence in panel one, implying that Pvt. Bailey received and confirmed his orders, went inside to get a plunger, and then came back, coming up with this devastating zinger on the way.

Another problem: the “hill” is clearly a pile of salt or gravel about five feet on the other side of that chain-link fence.

Blondie, 1/14/08

When Blondie says “Well, that’s a real surprise,” she doesn’t mean Dagwood and Mr. Dithers’s shared enthusiasm for a fascinating period in American history; she’s referring to mere fact of Dagwood’s own Civil War buffery, which has managed to go unremarked and unnoticed in 75 years of this strip’s existence. Still, I’m looking forward to future strips where Dagwood affixes outrageous 19th-century-style whiskers to his face with spirit gum and goes trooping off into the woods with his fellow re-enactors. Look for history to change when the defense of Little Round Top is fatally undermined by one soldier’s forty-minute pause to prepare and eat an enormous sandwich.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/14/08

Haw haw! Oh, have you ever noticed that the men, they cannot cook? Becky probably has some difficulty in the kitchen, trying to manipulate everything with only one arm, but when it comes to cooking, a missing arm isn’t anywhere near as difficult a handicap to overcome as a penis!

Mary Worth, 1/14/08

OK, I admit it: I was holding out hope that the love triangle between Mary, Chester/Ralphie, and Ralphie’s Real Owner wasn’t over and that there were new shocking developments in store. But since we appear to be moving on, I now must acknowledge that this is indeed one of the lamest Mary Worth storylines in recent memory, which is, you know, really saying something. Still, I’m glad to see the perpetually self-pitying Dr. Corey the Younger lumbering back into view. In the wake of the dog of a storyline (ha ha, get it?) just concluded, we need his patented brand of ego-driven romantic disaster to cheer us up. Perhaps we’ll see him try various supposedly mood-lifting activities in an attempt to alleviate the psychic pain from his cruel dumping. (“Where’s this ‘methamphetamine high’ I’m supposed to be feeling?”)

We also might get to see him put his medical skills to use. In panel one, Mary is clearly rearing back in terror as that squirrel prepares to launch itself at her face. Tomorrow, Drew will have to do some emergency stitch-up work as Toby desperately tries to subdue the enraged beast.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/14/08

Now here’s an exciting story development I can get behind! Does Dr. Rex Morgan, outdoorsman extraordinaire, believe that he can use the possibly decades old and almost certainly highly explosive hooch left in this still to create a gentle, controlled fire that he and Niki can use to dry off and keep warm? Or does he intend to use the moonshining apparatus as some kind of improvised incendiary projectile to fend off their pursuers? Either way, excitement is in the cards! And by “excitement” I mean “massive second- and third-degree burns.”

They’ll Do It Every Time, 1/14/08

Tucson’s “K.L.” is in fact none other than faithful reader The Divine O’F! I’m sure she’s thrilled to have been Scadutoized, even though she looks suspiciously like Ronald McDonald in the second panel.

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Hi and Lois, 1/13/08

I’m not the kind of guy who’d fly into a pointless rage and rip into Hi and Lois … oh, no, wait, I double-checked and it turns out that’s exactly the kind of guy I am. Anyway, today’s Hi and Lois is even more pointless than usual. It is in fact the worst kind of Sunday strip: the kind that could have easily been a daily strip with three panels (specifically, the last three panels) or even one panel (specifically, the last one). Even without the two throwaway panels at the beginning, this pretty much has the vibe of a long boring story that Lois is telling that turns out not to have a point; add in panel one (red-hot UPC scanning action!) and two (Lois realizes she doesn’t have her eco-friendly reusable bags — what, does she usually carry them all in her purse?) and it becomes practically unbearable. For some reason, though, it’s panel five that really pushes me over the edge, and I want to isolate it to make my point:

See, if this were part of some meandering, slice-of-life graphic novel by Harvey Pekar or Daniel Clowes that ran to thirty or forty pages, it might be acceptable. But this is a Sunday Hi and Lois. It’s got six or seven panels to make its point, one of which taken up by the title. None of those panels should consist of a character making a statement of fact and another responding with a punctuation-less “OK”. C’mon, Hi and Lois, you’ve got places to be.

Apartment 3-G, 1/13/08

Speaking of long, boring stories that go nowhere, having subjected you to several utterly uneventful days of Apartment 3-G this week, I feel obligated to show one in which something actually happens — namely, the totally unforeseeable betrayal of Lu Ann. I’m sure Alan has a reasonable explanation for his behavior, like “I know she has heroin hidden in her teeth! I know it and I’m going to get it!” This is definitely going to be the most awkward art opening ever.

Pearls Before Swine, 1/13/08

I don’t have much to say about this one other than to add to the chorus of approbation, but I thought those of you who don’t see the Sunday PBS would want to have a look. The answer to the six differences is particularly hilarious.