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Beetle Bailey, 2/8/08

I’m a man of great complexity and great misanthropy; thus, while I always complain when boring legacy comics like Beetle Bailey are stupid and painfully obvious, I also reserve the right to complain when they’re stupid and completely opaque. Is this supposed to be some kind of cutting commentary on “modern art”? Is the wall-squiggle supposed to be what the already stylized medium of graffiti art would look like rendered in the stylized, cartoonish world of Beetle Bailey? Is there in fact something wrong with the mouth? I’m confused. Confused and angry.

Gil Thorp, 2/8/08

Gil Thorp, meanwhile, remains a pure, soothing delight. I hope that the whole town of Milford bands together to help track Andrew’s every movement out of a sort of exasperated affection for his obviously unhinged stalkee. The A-Train will eventually be driven to madness and suicide by the constant feeling of being watched by everyone he encounters. Remember, it takes a village to stalk a child!

One Big Happy, 2/8/08

I can’t believe it’s been more than a year and a half since the last appearance of Earl the Weird Vacuum Cleaner Lovin’ Kid, possibly the greatest One Big Happy incidental character in history. Today’s strip mainly seems dedicated to using the word “suck” in a way will shock the bluehairs but technically won’t be the least bit dirty, but I’m much more unsettled by just how amorous Earl’s getting with the vacuum in the final panel.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/8/08

It’s OK for me to enjoy Rex’s usual look of smug dickishness being replaced in the final panel here with one of pure sliding-down-the-mountain terror because I know he’s going to come out of it more or less unharmed. I mean, his name is on the strip, right? It’s not like they’d rename it Rex Morgan, Mud-Caked Mouldering Corpse, would they?

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Hi kids! This is Josh, back behind the wheel of the blog. Just wanted to thank Uncle Lumpy for his inimitable filling in (and, to reply to a few questions in the comments, I try to pay him, but he won’t let me!). Friday comics coming Friday, but a few random comics-related items of interest have come in that should be brought to your attention now!

We begin with our very first photo of Jungle Patrol-themed merchandise! Faithful reader Michele is proud to proclaim that lady cops and waitresses are in fact tougher than pirates, and indeed to prove it in this photo. Look at how cowed and nonthreatening that pirate looks at the mere sight of that fine t-shirt!

Also! The always awesome This Week In Milford blog alerts us to an exciting development! Comic artist Steve Bryant has a blog named Atomic Tiki Studio, on which he says that he recently tried out as the new artist for Gil Thorp. He didn’t get the gig, but this does reveal to the world that the syndicate is in the market for a new Gil Thorp artist — so, aspiring comic drawing-types, start your submissions! Bryant also posts some of his tryout strips, which are drawn based on scripts from the current A-Train story arc. Interesting to see the gang with an entirely different look, though Gil himself looks a little too meaty for my taste. Damn it, the man’s supposed to be defined by a series of impossible straight lines!

Also! A faithful reader deep within the Sanford Herald of North Carolina points me to a blog post from his boss about the trials and tribulations of attempting to add new comics to a newspaper. It’s pretty revelatory as to why exactly there’s so much legacy cruft out there.

Also! And finally! Another faithful reader sent me a link his own Apartment 3-G fan art. Yes, it’s safe for work, you sickos. Enjoy!

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Don’t you hate it when people shout out warnings to fictional characters about to do something dumb? Well then, you definitely don’t want to go to the movies with me! Here’s how I cheesed off the neighbors this morning:

Funky Winkerbean, 2/7/08

“Aw, Funky — don’t you understand? They love Montoni’s just the way it is!” Just like somebody must love this plot, since it shows up in every sitcom ever written. Honestly, you’d think there were no professional writers around to help with this stuff. . . . And didn’t Brad and TJ do the “funny fixup” routine just a couple months ago? If Funky Winkerbean takes plot cues from Luann, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/7/08

“You’re low on blood, low on meds, and have one working arm. It’s raining and freezing out there, Rex has your pistol, and cellphones do not work that way! And you think Faith is the idiot?”

Mark Trail, 2/7/08

In three parts: 1. “Oh no, you are not going to walk away from a perfectly good airplane!” 2. “Well, get down, then!” 3. “Run, Andy, run! Run like the wind, far from the clutches of Mark and the community, and never look back! — Good dog!”

Slylock Fox, 2/7/08

And this news item: fresh from his My Cage and Pearls before Swine triumphs, Bob Weber, Jr. adds another to his string of edgy crossovers.

— Uncle Lumpy