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No time to waste! Here’s this week’s top comment!

“I don’t get Gil Thorp in my daily paper (I don’t get it in a broader sense either), but I love the idea of this deranged coot with his clothes on inside out and backwards popping out of nowhere to offer vaguely obscene batting advice.” –Motorposus

It was awful tricky to pick just one comment this week: as you can see, I had an embarrassment of riches to work with:

“Just out of curiosity, how many weeks has it been since Deanna has actually had a line? Mr. Buns is a more well-rounded character with a much larger impact on the storyline than St. Mike’s baby-machine. There are guys in the Taliban with more demonstrative wives.” –Mr. Coffee Nerves

“Nothing, oh nothing makes Margo happy, does it? She’s running on cocaine, caffeine, and pure unadulterated paranoia and jealousy.” –calico

“Rex has to ‘stall Hugh.’ I’m sure he’ll find a way. Maybe involving an actual stall. (It’s clear that was a ‘butt sex in a men’s bathroom’ joke, right? Right? Okay.)” –Laura

“To be fair to Mark, in his everyday experience he probably recognizes and distinguishes animals of the same species by subtle but distinct markings that are generally fixed. A coloration pattern on a deer probably will not change completely in a short period of time. Indeed, in his experience most people don’t even change their clothing. I’m just surprised he’s not conducting his observations from some sort of mobile duck blind.” –Harold

“I am on the edge of my seat!!! Will Abbey and Neddy escape their assailants?! Who is the mystery man approaching??? Oh, wow, I guess I could sit back a little. Yeah, that’s more comfortable.” –Maughta

“Maybe I should start reading Gil Thorp so I can know what everyone is talking about. Of course, it used to be, ‘Maybe I should start reading Mark Trail so I can know what everyone is talking about.’ And before that, Mary Worth. It’s a slippery slope.” –Lizardmess

“I look forward to hearing more home-spun, medication-induced, clambaked wisdom from this confused, elfin stereotype.” –PeteMoss

“Yep, now we’ve progressed from incest to murder. I think I’ll refrain from asking ‘What’s next?’, seeing that this is where we ended up after the rounds of plaintive querying following Band Leader 2: The Deafening, or Chemo 9: This Used to be My Playground, or … you get the picture.” –SecretMargo

“(DT)GT will now gives us all a history lesson steeped in lessons Jackie Robinson taught us. Well, in the first panel anyway. The second will have some boygirl swinging at a pitch and the final panel will have Coach Thorp talking about the golf team.” –Jim Thorp(e)

“Sam’s reaction makes perfect sense assuming he’s learned anything at all about Margo in his time on the job. Margo MARRIED? Margo IN LOVE? Margo SMILING CUTELY? Margo WITHOUT CAKED BLOOD UNDER ANY FINGERNAILS? It boggles the throwaway assistant’s mind!” –T Campbell

“So Michael will be able to spend his nights in the same bed in which many years ago he was created. Therapy begins in 3..2..1…” –man behind the curtain

“I’m afraid that Margo has been reading The Secret. By emoting positive thoughts regarding marriage, she believes that Eric will propose. Margo, Margo, Margo. You’ll be lucky if his check covering the party doesn’t bounce.” –Dingo

“Looking at the shape of Margo’s hand in panel 3 and the bobble lines surrounding it, I have come to the conclusion that she is threatening her assistant by a pantomime of waving a gun at him. ‘That’s right, married! Question me again and I will end you!'” –Spoony Bard

“Do you think that Margo’s pique over being mistaken for the help has anything to do with her refusal to address her assistant unless she is dismissively talking to him over her shoulder as she moves on to something worthy of her time?” –ugarte

“You know, we haven’t known Sam long but I’m pulling for him and Margo to hook up. Yep, I’m a Sargo Shipper. The look of terror and confusion is really just longing and sadness over the fact that as much as he loves her she doesn’t seem to notice him. He wants to express his love for her but he can’t find the words. But every time he shakes for no reason he means ‘I love you.’ It’s a crazy world but I think these two kids have a chance. Besides, I long to see what great event planning skills they’d bring to their wedding. Pinecone centerpieces? A large banner reading ‘Margo Loves Married?'” –Missy

“Dan’s major mistake? It’s foolishly adding more hair to hide himself from Mark. Anyone who knows Mark Trail knows that facial hair will bring his suspicion and punches faster than a beaver out of a trap. Dan would have been better off shaving himself from head to toe.” –evie oh oh

“Like all Canadians, Cedric isn’t nervous when he shoots someone. He’s just frightfully polite and self-effacingly apologetic about it.” –Trilobite

“I’m also pretty sure [Toni]’s screwing with him in a major way; if so, Toni has suddenly become the most awesomest character in the strip. From Toni Daytona: Unobtainable Fantasy Cipher to Toni Daytona: Heinous Sadistic Bitch: She Will Cut You, Tiffany.” –Captain Thunder

“This entry confirms what I’ve long suspected: TDIET is Seinfeld for rageaholics.” –Hobbes Fan

“Here’s the thing that disturbs me: People [Lu Ann] lives with day in and day out have been ignoring her this whole time, or intending to drop in on her but change their mind at the last minute due to shiny objects or in Margo’s case, horniness.” –True Fable

“‘… my thoughts are so tangled … lights are flashing before my eyes … floor is moving beneath my feet.’ Lu Ann, dear, I do believe you’re having yourself an orgasm. Congratulations! Just don’t tell Margo. Naturally, she’s under the impression that she’s the only person on the planet that’s experienced this thing. And she wouldn’t understand that it doesn’t usually involve blood and other people’s tears.” –lesles

“Today’s FBOFW is stupid. Yes, it’s always stupid, but today’s is stupid without any stupidity that pokes its head up above the horizon to have its hat shot off. There’s no stupidity prominence; it’s stupid to the flat, vast horizon. Like an Oklahoma of stupid.” –Kate

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Mary Worth, 4/22/07

You know, I will defend at great length the entertainment value to be found in Mary Worth, but I have to admit that a significant amount of its content essentially consists of small-minded upper-middle-class suburban white people gossiping about each other. I’m somewhat horrified but not entirely surprised that Toby and Mary immediately go from “man trouble” to “married.” “Vera didn’t say she had been married,” Mary noted as she tapped her coffee cup against her teeth, “but I have to assume that she was, since her problems seem to involve a man and she never mentioned that she was a whore.”

Spider-Man, 4/22/07

It’s a well-known fact that the only bit of wit or verve you will encounter in the newspaper strip version of the Spider-Man franchise lies in the overwrought NEXT! boxes at the end of the Sunday strips. Based on today’s, I hope that an angry Kordok will ultimately throttle this flat-topped turncoat until his misshapen head bursts like an enormous zit.

Sally Forth, 4/22/07

The signs are all there, so we might as well just lay back and enjoy it: Sally Forth is slowly but surely turning into a non-stop fuckathon.

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Curtis, 4/21/07

Congrats to Curtis for making the unpopular assertion that looks and surface appearances do matter. Although this strip doesn’t really seem to have any context to speak of (it’s not like Curtis and his dad were talking about the way those “rap” “artists” dress or anything), it’s good to see someone bucking against the PC “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” orthodoxy.

By the way, I’m pretty sure the fact that the elder Wilkins is drinking out of that prissy little teacup means that he’s on the “down low.”

Update: I can’t believe I almost let slip this opportunity to link to faithful reader Maughta’s blog, Judge a Book by its Cover. Basically, what I do to comics, she does to the covers of paperback novels.

Blondie, 4/21/07

I’ve never given a lot of thought to where exactly it is that the Bumsteads live. I guess I’ve always had the idea that it was somewhere suburban and bucolic. But now that I know that nighttime in their neighborhood is ruled by roaming, unfenced packs of hungry, semi-feral dogs, I might have to rethink some of my assumptions.

Mark Trail, 4/21/07

Wait … Mark returned to the inside of his beehive (note the freaky honeycomb wall design) and just left Dan and Sally “in the hands of” the private employees of a private company, who lack the power to detain or arrest? Does he think they’re just going to patiently wait there for their fate after the horror of being found out by the great Mark Trail?

Actually, they probably will. When Mark Trail punches you, you stay punched.

Mary Worth, 4/21/07

A few people have complained that I didn’t mention Mary Worth this week; this is because I found her dinner with Vera to be crushingly boring (yes, I realize that this is how normal people react to any arbitrarily chosen five days of this strip, but still). This opinion was solidified by the fact that Vera revealed essentially nothing, not even in her thought balloons, so I have no idea what exactly Mary’s so excited about in panel three. The only thing the introverted Ms. Shields mentioned that caught Mary’s attention was that she had a nanny as a girl, so I’m assuming that Mary now thinks that she must be rich and plans on murdering her and stealing her hidden gold.

I’m pretty sure that the dude wandering by in the hallway is Wilbur Weston, desperate for strip time, wearing a baseball hat and a fake mustache.

Crankshaft, 4/21/07

I think I might actually like Crankshaft the strip (if not Crankshaft the person) better if he actually did start clubbing people to death. With an iron bludgeon shaped like a human hand. He’d start with with people who talk out of turn during Garden Club. So watch yourself, ladies.

Unrelated Pibgorn update: Brooke McEldowney has started a LiveJournal blog which will keep you posted on the strip’s new home, once it finds one. There’s an interesting discussion of the editorial back and forth with his previous syndicate, and, in executive summary, the new Pibgorn’s gonna be filthy.