Post Content

I’m thrilled Josh asked me to serve as Curmudgeon-in-Residence while he and the lovely Amber take yet another well-deserved break – full details on the previous post. Of course, there’s no replacing Josh, and I won’t even try. But as gracious reader and fellow Uncle Remus suggested, perhaps I can aspire to be the Scaduto to Josh’s Hatlo, or the Jeffy to his Bil:

Then again, perhaps not.

Anyway, I’ll try to make myself useful around the Cathedral while Josh is in Arizona – file the encyclicals, dust the cobwebs out of the collection box, take down the Christmas lights, that sort of thing. Oh, and MonkeyHawk, could you come get the Pacer? It’s blocking the driveway for the hearses – I’ve given up on Walt and Grampa Foob, but Rachel and Cancer Gal have been looking pretty pale.

If you’re new here, be sure to check out the comments threads – that’s where the best fun is. And everybody – when I screw up, your comments get stuck in the spam filter, or you need to contact me for any other reason, you can reach me at uncle.lumpy@yahoo.com – suggestions are particularly welcome!

Post Content

So, yeah, I’m leaving on vacation today; I’ll be back next Sunday. I know a lot of people think I take a lot of vacations. I don’t think that’s quite fair; I get to take exactly as much vacation as my wife, and, since I’m a freelancer, I’m not paid for mine, if that makes you feel any better.

But I realize that you all probably only care about my vacation schedule in the sense that it affects you, and the only way it really affects you (unless you’ve agreed to feed our cat when we’re away — hi Kerry and Mark!) is in the number of posts on this site. That’s why, for the first time ever, this vacation will feature … a guest blogger.

That’s right: between now and next Sunday, comics and what have you will be analyzed and mocked here by none other than our very own Uncle Lumpy! For those of you who don’t read the comments on this site, Uncle Lumpy (not his real name) is one of the funniest of a very funny bunch of commentors. Known for his ability to lampoon any versification, from Christmas classics to 17th century English poetry, Uncle Lumpy will be amusing and delighting you for the next week. He should be posting his own little introductory metapost around here soon (he’s on the West Coast, so expect a different schedule out of him). So enjoy! Be nice! See you in a week!

Post Content

Hi kids! For reasons that will become clear very shortly, I am posting the comments of the week early this week. Fortunately, even in a shorter week there were plenty of larfs to go around. This week’s winner:

“So Rachel is dying. From the look of these people, I bet she has cancer of the hair.” –Charly Hoarse

And, of course, the runners up:

“There haven’t been that many white people in Vietnam since the Tet Offensive.” –yellojkt

“Greta has on a lovely dropped-waist dress from the 1920s today, and apparently an undershirt instead of a bra. She makes Mary look like Carmen Electra.” –Squid Countess

“In the hands of lesser artists, a Viking Warrior would be a totally different character than a cubicle dweller, but Walker and Browne are able to uncover the deeper truth that unites all men: We are all, regardless of race or creed, overweight and inattentive towards our wives.” –Christopher

“In that panel, Mary’s the yellowest person in Vietnam.” –The Mighty Sam

“”Onion” is always written with double quotation marks; it adds to his street credibility.” –Rusty

“Children: They’re just like monkeys, only they know how to lie.” –Rhekarid

“I don’t think we can rule out the possibility that there was a second thrower in the Family Circus case. I know the evidence seems stacked against Jeffy, but we don’t actually see the projectile being thrown. We all know Billy and Dolly’s murderous feelings toward their overbearing, vile mother, as well as their effeminate, worthless father. This could just be the first step in their master plan of framing Jeffy for their mother’s brain damage and then waiting for their father’s inevitable death by autoerotic asphyxiation. Naturally, PJ will be sold on the black market. But I’m just thinking out loud really.” –Scottius

“Funky Winkerbean: Why not just draw one long panel, write ‘MOROSE’ in big, bold letters, and reprint it every day forever.” –Mibbitmaker

“Man, I’ve got to get out of this office job. The most sexually suggestive thing I saw all day was from Judge Parker.” –Joeypants

“I hope Spider-man starts juggling those two guys. Except that’d be interesting, so he won’t.” –Black Card

“Mary Worth and Dick Tracy are locked in a dead heat for Most Panels Consumed Without Significant Plot Advancement — but extra points to Dick Tracy for Most Innovative Use of Ellipses.” –Coffeeclash

“In the mall parking lot the other day, I noticed some parking spots reserved for expectant mothers, next to the handicapped spots. I asked my wife, ‘What if you’re handicapped AND pregnant?’ Then the answer came to me: you’re a character in Funky Winkerbean.” –Pozzo

“Well, the cancer helps explain why Aunt Rachel looks so terrible, I guess. I had assumed that the artist had serious hatred for old women, most of whom do not look like decaying potatoes with hair.” –Poteet

“Dear God, if Dr. Cory is drowning in hot Vietnamese nurses and that’s why nobody wants Mary in there, I’ll start believing in you again. I’ll go to church and everything.” –Citric

“What’s disturbing about 9 Chickweed Lane is that back when it was in my paper Amos was this geeky kid with a crush on the girl. Now he’s a geeky man who has, at least according to Wikipedia, two women and one man with the hots for him. To understand how disturbing that is, imagine if Brad not only had Toni Daytona dump Dirk for him, but then T.J. made a pass at him the day after he had a threesome with Toni and her hot, Brazilian best friend that I just made up since there are no other adult women in this strip other than the mom and that old woman they bought the house from. Come to think of it, could we make that happen?” — reader-who-posts