Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 10/28/22

Sorry, I refuse to get emotionally involved in this sudden revelation, which I’m reasonably sure is some kind of fakeout, mostly because Funky is a diva who would’ve been griping and moaning for years about the bad economy or how people don’t just respect overpriced shitty pizza like they should before finally closing the restaurant. I’m assuming this is just some kind Three’s Company-style misunderstanding. “No, I meant close our doors for the night! I just said it in a way nobody actually would, for no good reason.”

Beetle Bailey, 10/28/22

This isn’t what “margin of error” means, either in normal use or, I feel confident in saying, in a military context, but I feel like there’s still a truth at the heart of this strip, which is that Beetle would not actually be an asset in an armed conflict. He’s very lazy, and doesn’t seem very well trained! He could probably get a lot of his fellow soldiers killed and it’s frankly good he’s never been deployed into combat.

Post Content

Shoe, 10/27/22

I’m trying to figure out what the funniest message the Joint Chiefs of Staff could send to a small-town newspaper on an 8 x 11 sheet of paper in tiny font that would raise this level of shock from the Perfesser. I’m thinking “America’s civilian leadership has failed! The military must take control and begin the process of national regeneration. Do you happen to know the President’s phone number?”

Mary Worth, 10/27/22

With Zak’s life hanging in the balance (literally) and Iris unable or unwilling to hulk out, there’s only one thing left that can save our star- and age-crossed lovers: the power of prayer! Remember, when Wilbur was forced by circumstances into the ultimate indignity (climbing a tree) in order to hold starvation at bay, he beseeched the Almighty for help and was immediately transported to a party island, so I certainly hope God intervenes here as well and Zak falls harmlessly onto a cool trampoline while a bunch of positive-vibes bro onlookers cheer.

Pluggers, 10/27/22

EXTREMELY DEPRESSING PLUGGERS SCENARIO, 2006: I’m so desperate for cash I need to pawn my television, depriving me of some of the few joys I have left, for just a few meager dollars!

EXTREMELY DEPRESSING PLUGGERS SCENARIO, 2022: The computer watch tells me I can sleep now. Sleep. Sleep. You can tell from my facial expression that the only time I feel any pleasure is in that brief moment after I’ve been given permission to slip into blessed unconsciousness but before sleep takes me and I stop feeling anything at all.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/26/22

I’ll admit it: I do a lot of bitching and moaning about all the “roots country” bullshit in Rex Morgan, M.D., and I appreciate the fact that the RMMD brain trust has clearly been working feverishly to come up with an angle that will turn my attitude about it around. Like, how about if the new roots country guy, Mud Mountain Murphy, is a cheerful giant of a man who looms over Buck in a vaguely menacing fashion and yells all the time? All I can say is: great job, guys, you nailed it, I am 100% on board with Mr. Murphy. You know I love a good upnose shot in this strip and now there’s a good excuse for one!

Dustin, 10/26/22

Most comics characters have fairly generic white collar jobs, and I always think specific things are funnier than generic things, so I appreciate it when a character gets a specific job instead, even if it isn’t central to the strip most of the time. Like, Curtis’s dad in Curtis works at the DMV, and even though you never see him at the office, his occasional gripes about work are always DMV-specific, which adds a fun texture to the strip. Dustin’s mom is a radio DJ, which is also promisingly specific, except it’s not at all clear what kind of station she works for or what her show is about, since all that ever seems to happen on it is people calling in with extremely half-baked setups to jokes that sometimes, as is the case today, don’t even merit punchlines. I said Sunday that Dustin is now 25% griping about petty annoyances by volume; it’s also at least 10% this, which is somehow even worse.