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Funky Winkerbean, 10/17/22

Look, I’m kind of face blind in real life, with actual human faces, and so since I’m dealing with a cartoon face here it’s wholly possibly I’m about to give you a big infodump about the wrong person, but I think that’s supposed to be Susan Smith, who in the long-ago pre-time-jump era of Funky Winkerbean was one of Les’s students, who developed romantic feelings for him somehow and then attempted suicide when he didn’t return them, and then years later came back to Westview herself as a teacher, and was of course enraptured by his prose about his dead wife Lisa, then eventually proclaimed her renewed love for him and there was briefly a moment where it seemed like she might be a romantic rival for Cayla (remember, this was a woman who tried to kill herself because she was so in love with Les when he was her teacher and she was a teenager! gross!) and despite some Three’s Company-style misunderstandings Cayla eventually won (“won”) and so Susan slipped quietly out of town. You’ll note in that last linked strip she says she’ll be “first in line to see” the Lisa’s Story movie if anything ever came of it, so maybe she was maybe one of the few who actually saw Marianne’s improbable Oscar-winning performance. On the other hand, the first panel here says that we’re flashing back to “several years ago,” and it definitely seems like she’s about to jump into the river, so maybe she never got to see the movie, a truly devastating final Les Moore-related tragedy in a life that was full of them.

Rhymes With Orange, 10/17/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because St. Peter, who was granted the keys to heaven by Jesus himself, wants to condemn this dog to eternal torture, in hell! Anyway, if you were wondering if you were still going to have to/be able to urinate in the afterlife, Rhymes With Orange is here to tell you: yes.

Judge Parker, 10/17/22

Oh, sorry, Judge Parker readers, we know you were all alarmed that something interesting and exciting seemed to be happening in this strip, but don’t worry: this week we’re getting back to the wall of emotionally fraught post-divorce scold-text that we know is the real reason you tune in every day.

The Lockhorns, 10/17/22

I love this panel because it tells us that there was a brief moment where Leroy experienced a moment of pure, childlike happiness. It was of course immediately followed by pain and trauma. This is the nature of the Lockhorns’ reality. I like the black eye he has because it lets us know that whatever he hit, he hit it face first.

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Crock, 10/16/22

I’ve been reading Crock for … let’s just say “many” years now, so I am of course well familiar with all of its terrible running gags, one of which is that Crock’s mother (never actually seen in the strip) is in a nursing home somewhere and she’s very, very mean, even meaner than her cruel son. But in all that time, I always assumed (quite reasonably, I think) that the nursing home she was in was back in France. Algeria is a colony under military occupation, which is the very reason Crock and the Legion are there in the first place! It’s no place for old French civilian ladies! But no, it turns out that she’s been in the Maghreb all along, which really raises a lot of questions about (a) whether the creative minds behind Crock ever really had a handle on the geopolitics behind Beau Geste or if they just liked the aesthetic, and (b) why Crock never visits his mother if she’s actually so close.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/16/22

Ha ha, wow, looks like Hank Jr.’s impulsive marriage really was meant to be. They’re both fans of roots country legend Truck Taylor! Who could’ve guessed? Not Hank Sr., he’s not going to the concert because he clearly hates that shit, but he’s making nice to keep the pancakes coming.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 10/16/22

No real notes here, just want to say that I am in love with Koppy’s sarcastic greeting here. They might not have invented a Bill of Rights for animals yet, but nothing can stop Koppy from firing off the subtle yet sick burns! Except getting punched in the mouth by Slylock, probably.

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Hi and Lois, 10/15/22

My first thought reading this was “Wow, who funded this strip?” because I refuse to believe that any ordinary person would just place pro-in-person-banking propaganda in dozens of newspapers just on a whim. It’s certainly not the banks themselves, who have been trying to shed the labor and facilities costs associated with bank branches since the ATM was invented. My guess is that the money trail either leads back either to the Communications Workers of America, the union that has organized tellers at bank branches in a number of cities, or some lobbying group of old people who absolutely refuse to figure out how to set up direct deposit for their Social Security checks.

Marvin, 10/15/22

So some guy who’s never been in the strip before? Just came out of the bathroom at Marvin’s house? And I guess he had never even heard of the concept of a bidet? So he just disassembled a fairly substantial plumbing appliance?? In somebody else’s house??? This is definitely one of the more puzzling ways for the great Marvin bidet caper to wrap up, and I must reluctantly respect it.