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Your comment of the week … has ARRIVED:

“Hoping for three solid weeks of Curtis trying to drum up a whisper campaign for what is clearly his webcomic. ‘Oh man, what will the daring, anonymous truthsayer behind Dear Ol’ Dad do next? He doesn’t care whose toes he steps on! And ha ha look at this, you can read all his in-your-face takes on modern parenthood at freewebcomichost dot com slash dearoldad, interesting! And it seems he has a Patreon?’” –Dan

As have your hilarious runners up!

“The fact that Jess is turning out to be a fellow super-nerd means that Dawn is in trouble. Well, ‘in trouble’ in the sense that Jared will soon break up with her. In other words, ‘lucky.’” –BigTed

“A lot gets made of ‘superhero origin stories’, so it’s nice to see that Sweepy keeps it pretty simple. ‘I dunno, I just started patrolling the streets and then everything went wrong.’ Excellent, don’t change a thing. No prequel required!” –pugfuggly

“‘What’s this?’ asks Mary as she sees Jared, who works in a hospital, conferring with a patient in that same hospital. It’s this kind of insight that keeps an old strip relevant in today’s world.” –Hibbleton

“Unfortunately unbeknownst to the cook, Poulet is a proud acolyte of the Priory of Sion. Tomorrow’s soup will be suspiciously chunky.” –Dunkelcopter

“Greg is confused, and rightfully so. How is it possible that Curtis know about webcomics, yet doesn’t understand that webcomics are for furries, not social commentary?” –pastordan

“When you want a ride, you’ve got to pay your way with gas, grass, or ass. At the loan office, it’s cred, head, or bread.” –jroggs

“I feel like Dennis and Joey will be having this same basic conversation for the rest of their lives. One day, it’ll be ‘I don’t feel so hot when I huff oven cleaning spray.’” –Joe Blevins

“You kind of lose some authority by saying that while your wife cuts your food for you, no matter how forcefully you point.” –Kevin On Earth

“It’s going to turn out that Jess is Jared’s long-lost sister.” –taig

“But … which arm? Look, I’m as disgusted as you are that I just went back to double-check the art in Rex fucking Morgan, but I did, okay? I did, and ‘that Snake guy’ hurt your left arm, it’s been your left arm this whole time, and now the White Lines of Ouchie are coming from your right arm. Sweep that up? (No.) Sweeper, sweep thyself? (NO.) Guess you’ve been rendered… armless. (There it is.)” –els

Did you really think we wouldn’t be covering the rear exit? Now go back in there and have your surgery. We’re really eager to see how this turns out.” –cheech wizard

“Why aren’cha usin’ yer hammer bone, Dad? Ya know, the malleus, or hammer bone in yer ear? Why aren’cha usin’ yer malleus? ‘Cause it’s called a hammer? Is this funny, Dad? Is this menacing? Is it? What, too academic? [slurps drink]” –Chance

“You know what you can plan using a computer? The layout for your comic strip so that you figure out where the ‘CAUTION PIRANHAS’ label will go and you won’t have to resort to making the bottom word way off center so it can be readable in the panel.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Typically, when I see a bathroom door that’s closed, I assume that someone is using it, but then I don’t live in a universe where everyone hates everyone else and only comic books are considered valuable.” –BeckoningChasm

“‘He was really confused! And he’s also very messy, the whole package of disaster!’ Few are brave enough to talk of the taunting side of police brutality.” –Ettorre

“After a quick and sloppy reading of today’s Gil Thorp, I was under the impression that Gregg’s dad used to be on the cover of Hot Guy Magazine, and was now trying to move on from that. All respect to Neal Rubin, but I think I like my plot twist better.” –Drew Funk

“Now that the potential for anything dramatic to happen has passed, I’m interested in seeing how this becomes a financial windfall for Rex. Maybe the Street Sweeper’s trial gets wildly publicized, and so Rex makes millions on the talk show and book circuits talking about how he once treated this guy for a rotator cuff injury and then told him over the phone that no known lobotomy cures crime. Or maybe it’ll be simpler, and the police will just drive a dump truck full of asset forfeiture cash up to Rex’s front door.” –Corynaut

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/17/22

Hi, guys. Happy Friday. It’s been a tough week and I hope you’re all looking forward to the weekend. To celebrate, here’s Funky Winkerbean’s ass! I know, you all probably assumed that if anyone was going to show an ass in this strip, it would be insufferable “protagonist” Les Moore. But I guess he shows his ass every time he discusses his literary career built on the remains of his dead wife, ha ha! Seriously, though, it’s nice for the strip’s oft-neglected title character to get his time to shine, isn’t it? And damn, that ass is round. Like, too round. I’m no assologist, but I’m not exactly sure with the left cheek there — like is it extending that far beyond his torso or what. Is this what a “Brazilian butt lift” is? Has Funky had a BBL? I hope this strip spends the next month on this and nothing else.

Gil Thorp, 6/17/22

In non-ass news, the revelation that Gregg’s dad isn’t on the run from the mob but actually just did some plagiarism a few years back and is real embarrassed about it now is like the opposite of a character in a long-running family comic strip showing their ass in a strip, in the sense that it isn’t a horrifying nightmare mistake, but also not very interesting and will be pretty quickly forgotten entirely, unlike Funky’s ass, which we’ll be thinking about for some time.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/17/22

“Which is ironic, because he was a janitor! I guess none of us like to take our work home with us. Anyway, that guy’s going to prison for a long time for his various crimes.”

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Dick Tracy, 6/16/22

Oh, right, I guess I never mentioned that the owl guy had, pre-owl-stuff, been seen using hypnosis (?) to convince people to hand over money they were taking out of ATMs, and is also a classic member of Dick’s rogues gallery named “Mr. Memory.” ATM-hypnosis is in the same bank-robbing ballpark as the stuff our heroes are investigating, but I appreciate Sam pointing out that it’s not the same thing as draining bank accounts via computer hacking, at all. I suppose he could’ve just used his hypnosis powers to convince a bank employee to do the bank account draining for him. Dick, however, is very set on this computer business being at the center of things, to the extent that he’s defensively claiming that Mr. Memory needs computers to “plan” his crimes, but while the flashback scene in panel two today is completely wild on a number of levels, at its heart it’s fairly standard tying-people-up-and-holding-cops at gunpoint stuff that doesn’t need, like, an advanced AI to pull off. Maybe Mr. Memory and his gang had a shared Google Doc that they used for brainstorming ambassador-kidnapping ideas, I dunno.

Dennis the Menace, 6/16/22

The thing about this panel is that what Dennis is saying is nonsense. What’s menacing is his attitude. Just standing six inches behind his dad while his father tries to do a little fixy stuff for once, casually sipping his soda from a straw, letting loose with some pointless advice. “You’re a dipshit, dad” is just kind of his whole vibe, you know?