These hilarious runners up will also “get the party started,” as I believe the kids still say!
“There is no world building in the Lockhorns. Rather, Leroy and Loretta are god-like creatures that can will people, places, and entire timelines into and out of existence for the sole purpose of annoying each other. Sometimes they use only their wit, in which case we see them against the tabula rasa of a formless void, otherwise they summon whatever they need to bring anguish to the other. This isn’t mere bickering; it’s a magical duel between two sociopathic gods.” –richard8
“Can you imagine pushing out that Daddy Daze kid? His head is some kind of non-Euclidian rectangle. Just sharp edges and volume. I guarantee that was a Cesarean.” –Jerp+Jump
“Pa Keane, you’re adding jelly to bacon and eggs. You aren’t in a position to complain about anything related to food here.” –Truckosaurus
“As much as I usually enjoy Rex coming out of the gate with a strong passive-aggressive flex before the coffee is even cold, I sympathize with June here. I’m sure ‘managing’ the online schoolwork of a child who has a famous children’s author begging for permission to plagiarize her work — a child already smarter than both of her parents and knows it — isn’t easy on a psyche as fragile from years of emotional abuse as June’s. Time and a place, Rex. Time and a place.” –Doctor Moreau
“For the birds of Shoe, a cat scan is when a cat looks at you and tries to work out if you’re weak enough to chase, catch and eat yet.” –Schroduck
“Dennis’ comment raises more questions that it should for someone his age. I mean, query how many ‘jazz lovers‘ Dennis knows, how many were open-minded enough to accept his musical ideas and how many have been merely bored with his output, leaving it to Mr. Wilson to actively disapprove. Dennis apparently has more background on this issue than anyone his age possibly could which in and of itself is pretty menacing.” –Deacon Blues
“I think I like this remake of La La Land even less than the original.” –TheDiva
“The woodland creatures are so traumatized by Slylock Fox’s investigations and deductions that they prefer just to plead guilty.” –Ettorre
“Are we seriously rerunning the ‘A dog helps an unlikable man get laid’ storyline but with a cat and Wilbur? Why can’t it be the ‘Aldo stalks Mary and drives off a cliff’ storyline but with a cat and Wilbur?” –Carsick Yankee
“It’s hard to be happy lately. There’s my breakup with Estelle, you know, due to me being a hateful crybaby piece of shit. And all my troubles with Iris. Sometimes it stemmed from me being a miserable fuck, sometimes a belligerent jerk; at times a shitty malcontent or insensitive twat or bitter SOB or angry drunken lout. Why is it so hard for me to find happiness?” –Violet
“Really excited to discover that the Milford High students have lapsed into a pre-Levitican form of worship, and are passing themselves through the fire as an offering to Molech. Looking forward to the fall plot where they set up Asherah poles in the high places! Will an eager young freshman challenge a senior to a contest of gods, and demand that next year’s bonfire be lit without human agency? What a time to be alive!” –fabiansociety, on Twitter
“Back in 1918, the title Gasoline Alley referred to the fact that the strip’s main characters shared their stories about automobiles. Today, the title suggests that the author is someone who huffs gasoline in an alley.” –Joe Blevins
“If the talking bear is God, that could make the theology of Gasoline Alley rather interesting. Jesus spoke to the crowd, and said unto them, ‘Woe to the one among you who has been sitting on my chair, and dining on my porridge, and sleeping in my bed.’” –Austria
“Everyone knows armadillos are an amazing lay, buddy — but they carry leprosy, which makes herpes look like a walk in the park.” –Old School Allie Cat
“Jeffy hasn’t got a chance. It’s not just that he’s too small; he also has arms that are so short he can’t reach the top of his head. None of these brats can. Why else would Dolly be stuck wearing that super-tight ponytail 24/7?” –made of wince
“There’s no way Jeffy is going to be able to climb out of the infinite blue void that surrounds the Keane Kompound. Prepare to meet Ahriman, little boy!” –But What Do I Know?
“lol, Chip’s friend is genuinely hurt. Friggin’ owned by a ten-year-old. Good luck with your band, maybe the first album cover can be a photo of Ditto on a date with your mom.” –Dan
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