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Marvin, 1/31/21

I feel like I’ve touched on this in a few recent posts, but I want to talk about it in slightly more detail today: I have become somewhat worried lately about coming across like one of those people who do ninety-minute YouTubes where they dissect all the “mistakes” in a movie, intending to “prove” that the filmmakers are idiots but mostly proving that they’re focused on minutia and not really taking in the big picture. Like, with today’s Marvin: I feel like before I go in on how weird it is, I need to establish that yes, I’m 100% aware that the idea that these characters are sort of like adults with adult worries and problems but are also babies isn’t something that’s wrong, in the sense of an IMDB “goofs” entry for Looks Who’s Talking that says “The movie depicts talking babies, but all these characters are far too young to be capable of idiomatic human speech.” I’m fully aware that the they’re-babies-but-they’re-not tension is itself the joke-radiation in which this whole strip is bathed. I’m just saying, if you’re inviting us to imagine babies who are capable of thinking, in very adult ways, about their future, and one of those babies is stressed about her parental expectations about her future education and extracurricular activities, and the other one is apparently planning to keep on shitting his own pants well into junior high — well, the “error” you’ve made is one of judgement, not world-building.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 1/31/21

The text of the solution to this crime sort of implies that Slylock has set up this mystery to teach these animals about the complex web of institutions and processes that make up the industrial civilization they’ve taken from the humans — that cans of pea soup don’t just grown on trees, but must be purchased from a store, where someone places the can on the shelf, and someone else drove the can there in a truck from a warehouse, and it got to that warehouse from a factory, and so and and so forth back up the supply chain. But the drawing makes it seem like he’s mostly saying “See this guy? This is Count Weirdly. You see him, your job is easy. If he’s one of the suspects, he fuckin’ did it, man.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/31/21

Obviously I know that, in this fallen, degraded age, newspapers feel free to print unspeakable filth in the comics section without shame. Still, even I thought there were some limits; but now that we see a proper Hootin’ Holler matron depicted in fully color without her kerchief, hair all exposed — well, now I know there truly is no depravity to which these people won’t sink.

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Apologies for giving you a double-dose of Funky Winkerbean today, but sadly I need two days’ worth of strips to provide the proper context for today’s commentary. Pretty amazing that I’m a guy who has to provide multi-day context for today’s Funky Winkerbean strip, as a job! Ha ha, a lot of choices have been a made that cannot be undone anymore, much to think about, etc., but the point is that this week’s strips take place at a band teachers’ convention and much of the content has involved band-themed puns on signs that characters gently smile at, as in yesterday’s strip:

Funky Winkerbean, 1/29/21

But not today! No, today’s strip is about band-themed puns on signs that character gently frown at:

Funky Winkerbean, 1/30/21

Why is the first pun smileworthy while the second is frown-inducing? I feel like this is the Rosetta Stone that, if I could just crack it, would allow me to truly and fully understand the Funkyverse. Furthermore, I assume that if I could achieve such a state of Funkyligthenment, I would be free of my compulsion to read and analyze the strip every day. Sadly, full understanding is still beyond my grasp, leaving me doomed to continue to gawk at Funkyworld in half-comprehending rage for the indefinite future.

Mary Worth, 1/30/21

Oh, it turns out the source of Eve’s anxiety attacks is PTSD from an abusive marriage, which isn’t very much fun at all! We’ll let you know when this strip returns to a more enjoyable level of wacky interpersonal drama.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/30/21

“I decided that risk was a lot of trouble for not a lot of payoff for me personally, so I stopped taking it. Guess you’ll be seeing a lot more of me around the office than you probably want to, ha ha!”

Crock, 1/30/21

They could’ve just ended this strip after the first panel. Get it? Because Crock sucks ass and is never funny! I alone have the guts to say this, no matter how much abuse I take for daring to speak the truth!

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What’s that, kids? You want your COTW? Well, you’ve got it!

“God damn Rex must love everyone wearing masks. No need for facial expressions or warmth or reaction of any kind. ‘Noted.’ Bam. Crushed it. Are you smiling? Far as she knows.” –Dan

And your runners up are also hilarious!

“One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, eh? Sounds like my love life. I mean my dinner selections! Jeez, can we just start over. Don’t move, kid. Just stay right there.” –Voshkod

“Catsmo has articles like ‘How to service your partner with your tongue,’ but they’re about basic hygiene.” –Ettorre

“‘Cassandra Cat is the jewel thief.’ Wait. Nothing in the setup mentioned anything about jewels, only that the museum was robbed. Only Slylock knew that there were jewels — therefore Slylock must be the thief! I knew he would finally trip up. How many others have been wrongly convicted, I ask you?” –Just John

“I like how between panels 1 and 2 Hi escorts Lois into the ‘negatorium’, the special dark room he had constructed to provide the proper setting to air his grievances about the world.” –pugfuggly

“I know there are valid artistic reasons to have a character break the boundaries of a panel, but I’m not sure that ‘I need more room for the copyright notice’ is one of them.” –Mr. A

“How dare you try and experience joy!” –Lord Flatulence

“Aging is mandatory, maturity is optional, dementia is inevitable.” –Pozzo

“I’m fascinated by the way Harry’s interlocutor goes from polite attention to withering contempt in a matter of seconds. This is known as The Dinkle Trajectory, and poor Harry just thinks that’s how all first meetings between people are expected to go.” –Violet

“Harry: ‘I can see you’re a band director because you speak in measured tones.’
Other guy: ‘Oh, I thought you had figured it out because this is a music educators’ conference where most of the attendees are band directors.’” –Joshua K.

“Those are either slippers or knockoff Crocs and I hope the next three weeks covers Eve trying to file a personal injury suit against Amazon.” –Donny Ferguson, on Twitter

“Some parents tip toe out of the room after putting their child to sleep. Marvin’s parents talk loudly over their son’s crib. Because they hate him, you see, and they also hate themselves.” –Ace

“Gosh, Rex Morgan, M.D., I don’t like Buck, but I don’t want him to die.” –Chyron HR

“In one strip, an elderly woman gets dragged to her death by an out of control dog. In another, two schmucks sit around a desk blabbering. One of these comics is about gentle meddling, the other is about two-fisted action. Which is which? The answer may surprise you.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Enjoy these grade school years with Sarah, but don’t enjoy your sons’ grade school years. Just hate every day of those years. Then, when Sarah is a teenager, hate those years. When your sons are teenagers, enjoy those years. When they all have become old enough to go to college, alternate between hating and enjoying those years. Got it? I can help you set up a schedule, if you’d like.” –made of wince

“Admittedly, though, this is a dumb question. It’s cheesecake, sir. It comes with a plate. A plate you have give back, by the way.” –Joe Blevins

“Shoe is really banking on the idea that if he continues to read the newspaper he edits in public, someone will think, ‘Who is that unpleasant, bitter bird and what is he reading? I’d sure like to get my news from the same source as him.’” –jenna

“In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the walking path was where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’, all mondo
And all walkin’ my dog outside of the condo
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started selling men’s suits in my neighborhood
I had one little stumble and my mom turned pale
She said ‘You’re movin’ in with Mary Worth down in Santa Royale’
I whistled for a cab and in the front seat
Was a medium sized dog that was dressed like me.
If anything I can say that this cab is bad to the bone
But I thought ‘Nah, forget it. Yo dog, to Charterstone!’
I pulled up to the place about four or five
And I yelled to Saul Winter ‘Yo, your pet still alive?’
I looked at my kingdom
I could finally tell
That this would be my throne as the Queen of Santa Royale.” –jroggs

“Sad Level 1: You dress your twins in identical outfits.
Sad Level 2: You dress your non-twin kids in identical outfits.
Sad Level 3: You and your kids dress in identical outfits.
Sad Level 4: You and your dog dress in identical outfits.” –Truckosaurus

“I like the new, genteel Hagar. On his next raid, he’ll say to his victim, ‘Good day, sir. Would you prefer to be gored or beheaded? I must give you fair warning, they are both a bit messy.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Eddie? Yeah, Eddie, listen, there are people who check up on lies now … yeah, I know … I KNOW! Get back to the monastery in England and make it look like 50 suicides, okay? Yes, I know that will take months. JUST DO IT!” –Dread

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