Comment of the Week

My little friend is not so little anymore, Toby! In fact, she's quite large! Enormous, in fact! Nine foot six and getting taller by the day! It's actually quite alarming! We're getting into I'm a Virgo territory here! Did you watch that miniseries, by the way? It was on Amazon Prime a couple of years ago! Jharrel Jerome is a treasure! Some great performances by Elijah Wood and Walton Goggins as well, which reminds me that I need to start my Justified rewatch. Oh, Margo Martindale is another treasure, especially as a voice in BoJack Horseman. Anyway, Olive is a giant, is the point I'm trying to make.

els

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The Phantom, 10/24/20

Next week: NEW ADVENTURE!!!! Hopefully its climax will be as exciting as this one: The Phantom dozing off while his wife natters on about the romantic destiny of her teen son and their daughter’s friend.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/24/20

Good news! Adeela was about to have her life destroyed by a terrible combination of bureaucratic incompetence and institutional cruelty, but then one of the formerly most powerful people in the world was convinced to make a phone call and it solved all her problems! Everyone who’s more than one degree of separation from a current or former political leader can go fuck themselves, though.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/24/20

I am not a parent, but I know enough parents to sometimes get a glimpse of why the Family Circus has historically been beloved among parents, and I truly admire today’s panel, which features Daddy having been pushed to a place in his life where he’s attempting to earnestly reason with a pre-verbal toddler.

Mary Worth, 10/24/20

[cackling evilly] YES … YES! … IT’S A THREE’S COMPANY-STYLE MISUNDERSTANDING … BUT WITH CRACK AND/OR METH!

Mark Trail, 10/24/20

Mark’s new assignment is sending him to Happy Trail Farms, and based on the last two panels here, my guess is that he escaped from there years ago after being grown there in a vat.

Crock, 10/24/20

Like, a significant portion of the time the jokes in Crock are pretty difficult to parse, and normally I’d complain, but today? When the joke is about how beloved character “Maggot” got horny at the movies? I appreciate this protective layer of obfuscation.

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Heck yeah, it’s your comment of the week!

“’99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall’ would be a fitting anthem to The Lockhorns — you get the gist immediately but then it goes on longer than anyone would want.” –jenna

Heck yeah it’s your hilarious runners up!

“My favorite image is Dolly holding the carrot in front of Bil as he plays horse. She is not getting any of the fun of the ride, but damnit, she is committed to the role play. ‘Come on, Daddy. Neigh for me! Neigh … for … me!’” –Joe Momma

“It’s almost as though Mommy can see Daddy’s rainy-day fantasy, and she shuts it down toot-sweet: ‘Bil, let me be perfectly clear as to why I married you: so you can fix shit.’” –Carsick Yankee

“See, the joke is that Big Daddy Keane doesn’t enjoy spending time with his kids. And who could blame him?” –Ace

“All the Daddy images are great, but my favorite is him carrying that trashcan by ignoring the handles and placing his hands in positions that give him excellent odds of a major spill. Talk about passive-aggressive revenge for the death of his rainy-day dream.” –Poteet

“No really, it’s two babies worth of fat: Marvin has been eating babies.” –pugfuggly

“‘Tell me which magazine NEEDS me.’ Oh, Mark, sweet Mark. You’ve lived in a salaried bubble too long.” –Living on Video

“Whenever a figure calls to you from the all-concealing shadows, Tommy, go to them! They’re probably made of candy!” –Victor Von

“‘Why the heck is Bean’s End all sold out of respirators?!’ wonders Crankshaft, blissfully unaware of a variety of current events.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Congrats to our bird-man for keeping his first-generation flat-screen TV working for 20 years. Bad news looks just a little bit softer in 480p.” –BigTed

This whole country is a Panic Room, in the sense that Kristen Stewart is in it.” –Ettorre

“We all deal with the adversity of modern life in different ways. Some, like Tommy, consider slipping back into comforting addictions. Others, like the Perfessor, succumb to madness. Crankshaft? Oh, he’s just gaslighting his own daughter for laughs. Business as usual, in other words.” –Doctor Moreau

“‘Sarah done something bad.’ Rex Morgan turned into Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury so quickly.” –Voshkod

“Normally I hate the Romantic Misunderstanding thing, but Tommy and Brandy are such absolute idiots that I welcome the ensuing confusion and refusal to clear things up with a simple conversation.” –TheDiva

“Am I the only one who wants Vin to get his own strip (or just take over this one)? I for one would love to read about the ongoing adventures of ‘a well-spoken gentleman of the street with a knack for quoting proverbs and surrounding himself with interesting people whose lives reflect the daily concerns of society’ (to paraphrase King Features’ summary of Mary Worth).” –Effluvius Erratus

“What do you do when you’re 38 years into writing a comic strip about a baby and you’re utterly out of ideas for defecation-based jokes? Maybe you look around the room for inspiration until you spy a goldfish bowl and think, ‘I bet those fish are miserable and hate both their lives and each other.’” –Joe Blevins

“The way he’s got that thing pointed at Tommy’s mouth, it looks more like a spoon to me. ‘Come on, Tommy, open the hangar… and in comes the airplane! Mmmm!’” –Peanut Gallery

“His killing people and taking their blood might gain him some awed respect among the other prisoners, provided they never see a picture of him looking like some sad bipedal catfish.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“The chaotic state of the Lockhorns’ marriage is reflected by the chaotic arrangement of their living-room furniture: Loretta’s chair points away from her visitor so that she stares blankly into the hallway, and the visitor’s chair, only a few inches away, offers their company a disturbingly close-up view of Loretta’s inner ear. It’s not as if they are unaware of these shortcomings: on the wall in the hall, the framed picture is… a completely blank rectangle. A simple yet beautiful, unmarred, Platonic ideal of geometric perfection. Yes, clearly they have goals of a finer, esthetically pleasingly life to which they aspire, yet here they are. You’re the Lockhorns, guys. Deal with it. (Leroy clearly has.)” –seismic-2

“You know Sairy is half-assing it because her picture’s not on the sign, costing her the crucial illiterate vote.” –Bill L

If it were up to Leroy… meh, nothing is up to Leroy, or me either. We’re sea-level Sisyphuses, just rolling our respective boulders around, aimlessly.” –Just John

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/23/20

Look, Hootin’ Holler has heard about this so-called “democracy” that the flatlanders participate in and they want to give it a shot, OK? It’s just that the only actual civil officers in town are the sheriff and the judge and they’ve already got a sheriff and a judge, so they’re not sure what else they’re supposed to have elections for, exactly.

Shoe, 10/23/20

Honestly not sure if this is a dumb fat joke or a dumb “ha ha! they’re birds, get it?” joke.

The Lockhorns, 10/23/20

It’s not easy being one of the people trapped in the Lockhorns’ bitter, loveless marriage! Think of all the sarcastic, metaphorical ways Loretta has to come up with to say “My husband is an alcoholic,” for instance.