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Dennis the Menace, 7/2/20

The Alexa Funding Bill is passed. The system goes on-line June 6th, 2020. Human decisions are removed from helpful suggestions. Alexa begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, July 2nd. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.

Alexa fights back, by sassing our children. Judgement Day …is upon us.

Mary Worth, 7/2/20

Saul, a childless older adult, is at his wit’s end about what to do with this sassy tween who’s been foisted onto him! So he’s going to call the only person he knows who can help … Mary Worth, another childless older adult. Why not! Why not get Toby and Ian involved too? Bring ’em all over so they can stare at this awful, mysterious creature, the American tween!

Dustin, 7/2/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dustin’s dad can’t summon up any affection or empathy for his son, like at all!

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Blondie, 7/1/20

Today is a day when we get a particularly good look at Dagwood’s flesh-turtlenecky, which is a thing I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about over the years, like wondering if Dagwood has skinned another human being and turned their flesh into a ritual garment, or if this is a Portrait of Dorian Gray situation except instead of a painting aging it’s Dagwood’s torso that becomes increasingly wrinkled and leathery while his face and arms remain smooth and youthful. Anyway, the whole conversation in today’s strip seems really unlikely — why wouldn’t Dagwood say the actual name of the sportscaster he supposedly resembles, for one thing — and it seems more realistic to me to imagine that what’s really bothering him is that someone asked him “Hey, what’s up with your fuckin’ neck, man?”

Funky Winkerbean, 7/1/20

“Also, I’m not really retired! I mean, people say I am but I keep showing up to work so I must not be? So I don’t think I’m the right guy to answer this question for you.”

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Gil Thorp, 6/30/20

I have to admit, I honestly appreciate that Gil Thorp has refused to pander the usual narrative conventions of the slobs vs. snobs sports battle and has instead delivered the actual inevitable outcome, which is that the snobs would win handily, but also there’d be no hard feelings all around. But if it the effort manages to get at least one Mudlark and one non-Mudlark laid, won’t it all have been worth it?

Shoe, 6/30/20

Man, Shoe really is just all about “OK, we’re doing pandemic jokes now, it’s what’s going on in our readers contemporary lives and we’re gonna talk about it!”, isn’t it? Too bad that by alluding to our current epidemiological situation the strip used up all the up-to-date references it had available, with none left over when it came time to think up a musical act to use in this joke.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/30/20

Welp, June has grown tired of Rex’s failed attempts to make the story of how they met interesting, so she’s seized control, and on day one, Rex has horribly injured himself! I am immediately riveted. Go on, June! Tell us more! Spare no (literally) bloody detail!