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Dustin, 5/17/20

Hello, fellow young people! Remember ringtones? Remember assigning specific ringtones to your friends? Remember talking on the phone? Remember when friends who were your age had both landlines and cell phones? TRICK QUESTIONS! You don’t need to “remember” any of these things, because they’re a part of your everyday life, here in the year 2020! After all, Dustin is a strip whose whole point is that it has its finger on the pulse of how young people behave, and it wouldn’t mislead us, would it?

Marvin, 5/17/20

A lot of people probably have a certain amount of contempt for the army of overeager intellectual property and trademark lawyers employed by Disney, but hear me out: if they keep the Marvin creative team in a state of panic that they’ll be sued if they even think the phrase “baby Yoda,” can they really be all that bad?

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Dustin, 5/16/20

Ugh, I spent way too much time trying to figure out what the context for this even is. Like, she met him at the Dollar Store, where she was disgusted by his economic prospects, and then she … agreed to go on a date with him? Invited him to this party, or perhaps accepted an invite to the same? Happened to run into him at a party and took the opportunity to talk smack about him within what is clearly earshot? Damn it I need the backstory here

Mary Worth, 5/16/20

We must truly be at the final, blessed end of the Dawn-Jared story, because we’re being shown the pinnacle of romantic love in the Worthiverse: Dr. Jeff and Mary, a happy, devoted couple, if you forget all the times that Mary rejected his marriage proposals, or the time Mary put the moves on a local city councilman at his own mother’s funeral, or the time she almost up and moved to New York to live with her handsome Broadway crush, or the time she conveniently forgot Jeff was allergic to cats. Truly, Dawn and Jared have such bliss to aspire to!

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What’s that? It’s your comment of the week!

“And I want to talk to you about what Don Henley himself did for the love of it. That’s right, cocaine, lots of it! That and treating his band mates like disposable hired help. But mostly, let’s talk cocaine! You need it, I have it!” –Rhino Sandberg

And holy cow, it’s also your runners up!

“Cayla smirks for the same reason we all do. Les is hateful and his suffering is delicious.” –T.H. steady

“It’s Lisa’s story, not the world’s. Everyone should pay me just for being me, not demanding that I provide them with some kind of product or service.” –Peanut Gallery

“It takes a truly mature comic to stop their own narrative and just say ‘Look, over the last couple weeks we tried to bring forth a thoughtful and poignant message through the medium of daily comics, but we failed. Why don’t you just look up this popular song instead? It’s actually does much better job of conveying what we meant.’” –pugfuggly

“‘This is still a traditional and still-warm power lunch stop.’ It’s way too early in the day for me to feel like I’ve had a stroke. Goddammit Funky, just use normal people words.” –jeltranksss

“Gasoline Alley has its finger right on the pulse of the zeitgeist as usual. If there’s one complaint Don Henley gets the most about his music, it’s that it’s too loud.” –Chance

“Wait a second … he’s your ‘friend’? Meaning he’s going to pine for you, act like a jealous jerk, and ultimately try to steal you away from your significant other? Because that’s my definition of how a friend acts. I may have whew’d prematurely.” –Jenna

“‘Lisa’s Story is about Les’ is the smoking gun we all long ago lost our will to care about.” –C Trombley, on Twitter

“If Halftrack would invest in a door, this strip would lose a good 20% of its opportunity for ‘humor.’” –Pozzo

“The elevator pitch? ‘Like Love Story, but with bigger assholes.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“At this point, I’m thinking Mason has arranged this whole trip as an elaborate ‘let’s humiliate Les’ exercise. The ‘producers’ they’re meeting with are actually just friends of his who are in on the gag, and they’re secretly recording all of the sessions and will distribute a highlights reel once this is over. It’s a lot of work, sure, but it’s for a worthy cause.” –Dmsilev

“A male plugger happily doing the dishes is difficult to believe, but his wearing an apron pushes it to impossibility. Today’s comic is going to provoke a bunch of protests at state capitals across the country.” –nescio

“Yeah, I thought Jared’s car would be held together simply by the sheer power of his overwhelming neediness.” –2+2=7

“Look, I may be bored as hell by the subject matter, or skeptical of Buck’s ability to unload Truck’s merch online — but I am amazed and impressed by the way these guys hold their cell phones. Do you smell something meaty with cabbage? Yeah, that’s right — it’s a Reuben.” –Old (Home) School Allie Cat

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