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Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/16/20

Wow, this is, uh, a little low-rent for Slylock and Max, isn’t it? Usually they’re off making arrests and solving mysteries to uphold the dignity of, and the monopoly on legitimate violence claimed by, the Glorious Animal Regime and its monarchy. But today they’re serving as chauffeurs for a bounty hunter, a sordid figure straddling the boundaries between public and private justice, and learning the finer points of how to sneak up on someone so you can drag them screaming from an abandoned house as part of some no-doubt extremely grim and depressing feud. Anyway, it looks like despite everyone’s best precautions, Slick Smitty has managed to escape, leaving behing poor Reeky Rat to take the fall, as usual.

Mary Worth, 2/16/20

Dawn is, of course, a perpetual romantic victim — two-timed by Dr. Jeff’s son, left near-comatose after being dumped by some guy named Dave, wooed by married men — and so I think we all assumed that when her long-distance relationship dissolved in acrimony and deceit, exactly as Wilbur predicted, it would be because Hugo was stepping out. But now it appears that Dawn is the one feeling “restless” and “alone.” Who knows what erotic temptations will await her at Tony’s? As much as I’m tired of Weston-related drama, I have to admit that I’m kind of interested to see Dawn dish out heartbreak instead of suffering from it.

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Crankshaft, 2/15/20

We’ve already seen the 10-years-ahead version of Max in Funky Winkerbean, still running the barely solvent Valentine, so I guess, despite the heavy air of foreboding looming over the final panel of this strip, that he isn’t going to die in a ditch on this dangerous night ride. I can’t remember if we saw Hannah and/or their future child during that sequence, though. Maybe she’s going to die in childbirth? Right there, in the theater? Because Crankshaft doesn’t care about his own safety or the safety of others? It would sure make the failure of the Valentine, his last connection to his dead beloved, all the more poignant!

Curtis, 2/15/20

The “humor” in today’s strip, which involves Greg making a joke, then Curtis getting that joke, then Greg making another joke, is barely worth discussing here, but I do want to say that the overarching plot of the past few weeks has been that Greg threw his back out and is in a lot of pain, and never has the art sold this concept more aggressively than today. The man looks properly miserable in a very visceral way, and I respect it.

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Enjoy your Valentine’s Day funniest comment of the week, everyone!

“‘I’m not a fan of corny piano singalongs!’ in the Mary Worthiverse counts as an absolutely SAVAGE burn. ‘Corny’ is like the F-word there.” –The Great Joe Bivins

Your runners up are also hilarious, and quite romantic

“Snuffy Smif has a tackle box? Does he tie his own flies? Does he visit Scotland in the salmon season and hobnob with lairds? Sorry, but real hillbillies fish with dynamite.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“The bindle has been comics shorthand for ‘running away from home’ since … well, since science first realized that children are really just homeless drifters at heart. So, is Daddy Daze a contemporary, minimalist approach to the daily comics, or the same old tropes with crappier art? Is this preverbal toddler going to get a forked-branch slingshot, is what I’m asking.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“It’s funny because Jess is justifiably angry at Darrin for making superfluous purchases with money they could have used for essentials, and now expects him to take responsibility for the situation.” –TheDiva

“He may be clean-shaven, but based on Slylock’s explanation, he certainly didn’t bring Ockam’s Razor in there.” –Weaselboy

“What do you fill chocolates with that can clog up a toilet? Surgical gauze?” –Curtis Adams

“As Slylock mauls the screaming Weirdly-bot, Deputy Duck stands there stoically, telling himself it’s just a robot, it’s just a robot, it can’t feel anything, that screaming and pleading is all just programming, and that blood, my Dog the blood, that’s just hydraulic fluid or something. Max just sighs and prepares for yet another civilian review board.” –Voshkod

“So, Genie is willing to partner up with a guy who is a bit delusional, but demonstrates a love of the outdoors and there is no sex involved. Should Cherry be worried?” –The Mighty Captain E

“Curtis’s father won’t be smiling for long when he realizes his son both violated HIPAA and that he’s losing his insurance when his bad back is considered a ‘pre-existing condition.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Elmo is calling seesaws scary. Maybe the issue isn’t actually what’s being done to protect kids today, it’s specifically what his school needs to do to protect him.” –pachoo

“Despite his menacing reputation, Dennis has very limited power. I mean, just look at this sorry display. He tells his parents not to look at him, and what do they do?” –Joe Blevins

“Really disappointed to see that this is a flashback, as I was really looking forward to seeing Dick Tracy kick the shit out of some fifth-grader.” –pugfuggly

“Little Shaky will grow up to be a devotee of dominatrices, but his tiny pre-pubescent brain doesn’t understand his twisted urges, so for now he just wants someone to beat him up. I mean, that is the Golden Rule, right? How frustrating that no one can rise to the challenge and administer the whipping that he so deeply desires. No wonder he grows up to take on Dick Tracy, the most sadistic cop on the force.” –JBoy

“Outdoor survival tip of the day: If a member of your party is caught in an avalanche, you should spend the next several hours talking about that member. Do not attempt a rescue; the snow will keep his body from decomposing. Once it melts in the spring, recovery will be easier. In the meantime, pancakes all around.” –ZeroWolf

“When your war games are being conducted in what is clearly a virtual reality space, in which all surfaces and backgrounds have been replaced by a featureless beige void, isn’t being a cyber-warrior equipped with a laptop basically cheating? Cpl Yo is clearly looking forward to the part where he gets to hack the Kobayashi Maru exercise!” –seismic-2

“Dawn, you absolutely do not get to take a high road of being opposed to anything ‘corny’ when things like ‘We’re in love and can wait!‘ are coming out of your mouth.” –jroggs

“And I’m not a fan of corny piano singalongs! I’ll spend my evening streaming Edith Piaf and weeping!” –Uncle Lumpy

“Does the Bumsteads’ marriage still pack plenty of pizzazz? Absolutely, if you divide the word into ‘pizza’ and the slang phrase for sleep.” –BigTed

“I enjoy the malevolent grin on nude trickster god Gnotmi’s face. ‘Ha! Now that I have marred every piece of chocolate in the box, NO ONE will be able to enjoy them!’ he cackles to himself as he flees the scene. Alas, he didn’t count on Jeffy. Poor, stupid, malnourished Jeffy, who moments from now will be digging them out of the trash and stuffing them into his tiny black maw.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I, for one, refuse to believe that Dagwood could put anything or anyone against his lips for that long without devouring it in a frenzy of viscera and gore.” –Dread

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