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Hagar the Horrible, 5/24/19

Shoutout to Lucky Eddie for understanding that “torture” goes beyond the usual cartoonish depictions. Hagar and Eddie’s fellow prisoner may not have been subjected to the rack, and may not even have any scars, but years spent chained to the wall in a forced “stress position” — and, more importantly, spent in isolation without meaningful human contact — have clearly reduced him to gibbering madness.

Crock, 5/24/19

What’s more unsettling here? The fact that Crock’s Wise Sage, whose “powers” as depicted in the strip are usually restricted to offering fairly pedestrian advice, is suddenly capable of transforming Captain Poulet into a car — presumably a car in which the Captain’s mind is forever trapped, and screaming? Or the implication that women everywhere want to own, or possibly fuck, the Batmobile?

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Dustin, 5/23/19

Wow, this is quite a turn in the depiction of the generational Boomer vs. Millennial battle in Dustin! Sure, the kids these days spend too much time on Twitter and are lazy to the point of narcolepsy, but check out this late-middle-aged criminal who’s shocked, shocked that he might suffer consequences for stealing! And check out Dustin’s dad, a high-priced defense attorney who cheerfully profits from white-collar crime whether he wins his case or not! If you need consolation, my silver-haired thief, maybe you should find it in the fact that you presumably came to court from your nice house, wearing a nice suit, rather than, just to take an example at random, spending three years on Riker’s Island awaiting trial for shoplifting a backpack. Presumably you’ll get to go back to your nice house and will have a leisurely month or two to talk to your broker and accountant about how to sell enough securities to pay that fine without unduly increasing your tax burden. The system works!

Funky Winkerbean, 5/23/19

It’s hard for me to admit that I have a “favorite” kind of Funky Winkerbean, but I do, and it’s this kind: the kind where the character delivering the punchline at least has enough self-awareness to look ashamed about it.

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The Lockhorns, 5/22/19

I gotta give The Lockhorns credit here: this panel contains a classic “male character is aroused by a sexy nurse character” scenario, but acknowledges that no actual medical professional has worn the stereotypical white “sexy nurse” uniform in decades. However, the direction they did end up going with it, where the nurse is wearing typically pastel scrubs but, like, form-fitting, short-skirted, sexy scrubs, is perhaps even more insane and unlikely, so I suppose I gotta give them credit for that too!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/22/19

Oh, huh, I guessed I called it correctly: it’s an armed robbery! I’m very intrigued to see exactly how Rex Morgan, M.D., will make an armed robbery boring.

Family Circus, 5/22/19

Dolly joined a cult because she thought it would finally make people pay attention to her! It isn’t working very well.