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Mary Worth, 11/10/19

It feels almost churlish to complain about a week of Mary Worth that has brought us so much joy, climaxing in today’s strip in which Wilbur drunkenly karate-chops a full wine glass into Iris — if only the technology existed to render this in Wachowski-style bullet time! — and then he and Zak compete for the right to daub her soiled bosom. But I have to admit that throughout this whole thing, I don’t quite have a sense of Zak’s character. Is he as charming and guileless as he seems? When Wilbur decides to show his hip bona fides by proclaiming his love for a twenty-year-old film, is Zak’s response that it was father’s favorite movie meant to twist the knife? Or is he really cheerfully relating his own connection to the now-classic, with no ulterior motive? Either way, it’s going to make Wilbur die inside, of course, but I find myself wanting to know the precise texture of his pain, for probably obvious reasons.

Mark Trail, 11/10/19

“This has led to an increase in animal density in forested areas, resulting in some tigers venturing outside in search of a meal, and, tragically, that means conflict with humans. That seemed like a real downer to draw, honestly. Wouldn’t you rather see a tiger fighting an alligator? No idea if that has any scientific basis, but it sure sounds metal as hell.”

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Mark Trail, 11/9/19

Genie isn’t just a font of fun Nepal facts, guys! She also understands and respects the privacy rights we all have under HIPAA.

Family Circus, 11/9/19

Ha ha, look at Ma Keane’s face, you guys. “Sounds like a real firetrap!” That’s what finally snuffed out her will to live.

Dennis the Menace, 11/9/19

Damn it Mr. Wilson, unless Dennis is deliberately trying to cut through a gas line, or digging a little torso-sized grave for a dismembered torso, you are way overstating things here.

Pajama Diaries, 11/9/19

Meanwhile, over in Pajama Diaries, everyone is achingly starved for physical affection! Ha ha, what a pleasant thing to read about, in the funny papers!

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It’s time for your top comment of the week!

“That is not the way invasive species work. That is not the way ecology works. But most of all, that is not the outfit to wear on a forest inspection, Princess Pussycat! Seriously, do you wear that floor-length robe 24/7? Please, have more confidence in your vast regal powers and go ahead and don casual gear when the occasion warrants. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown and never ever takes it off.” –Poteet

Your runners up are also hilarious!

“‘Do you want to hear what I’m going to do next summer?‘ Margaret asks during the first week of November. Who’s the real menace?” –Westing1992

“Wilbur is so drunk that he managed to stutter in a thought bubble.” –Noel

“Dagwood’s plan is just two headlines and Windows 95 clip art. Maybe Dithers is right to treat him so badly.” –Ettorre

“Wilbur is literally devolving before our very eyes. He’s been getting shorter and uglier, and now he’s starting to turn into a character from a differently drawn comic strip genre altogether. I’m guessing workplace humor, but I wouldn’t rule out funny animal or talking baby.” –T.H. Steady

“I like Daisy’s wide-eyed reaction in Panel 1. ‘Facial recognition system? Is our beloved legacy comic strip now going to be exploring social implications of omnipresent monitoring technology and how modern-day fears of one another in a polarized society could lead to the creation of a police state, run by a massive AI that constantly collects data on everyone and uses that information to subjugate us to the wishes of some technocratic overlords? Is Blondie finally becoming… relevant???’ Then in Panel 2 Dagwood proposes his idea, and Daisy thinks ‘Whew, had me worried there for a minute!’, and goes back to sleep.” –seismic-2

“I’m a little concerned that Estelle and Iris’s reaction to Wilbur’s public drunkenness is mild resignation. Do you want to end up like Loretta Lockhorn, ladies? Because this is how you end up like Loretta Lockhorn.” –TheDiva

“Just before Wilbur picked up the bottle last week I was wondering if they’d ever address the fragility of ego he must have to maintain such a terrible combover in 20-dang-19, and WELP” –Skeleton Munroe, on Twitter

“It’s kind of adorable that Snuffy and Silas are completely jaded by America’s political system yet still innocent enough to think that a ‘hunnert‘ constitutes a proper bribe. C’mon guys, most senators won’t take your call until you’ve funneled 100k through a PAC and gotten their nephew a corporate vice president gig.” –pugfuggly

“Yes, Zak’s facial expression is great, but take a peek at Estelle. Sure, it’s a look of shame, but not for the reason you think. She’s been out with so many horrific Silverdaters, it’s now developed into a kink for her. ‘Oh yeah. That’s it, Wilbur. Mock him. Mock his tofu order, right after straight-up trying to order a goddamned Mayo Lassi. When you end up face-down in your spice-level-ten Panang Curry, I’ll drive home alone and replay the carnage over and over again in my mind.’” –Carsick Yankee

“Confessing to murder is a pretty shocking way to change the topic of conversation, but life in prison is certainly preferable to listening to Les Moore talk about Dead Lisa.” –jroggs

“We’re ready to order. First, let’s do a plate of phallic symbols, to share. By sharing, I mean we’ll each stick them whole into Wilbur’s mouth, one by one by one.” –Phil A. Sheo

“Bull had a solo car date … with death!” –Sir Bagby”

“I’ve always admired the way the denizens of Hootin’ Holler let their tongues flop out of their mouths when someone tells them a joke. And by ‘admired,’ I mean ‘realized there is no point in being repulsed by a standardized drawing in a comic strip.'” –Randy

“Which would you rather have: a funny cartoon? Or, this?” –Hägar’s Horny Hat

“This guy doesn’t have to whip himself into shape — all he really needs is a guitar. The disappointed girlfriend will come along naturally.” –BigTed

“Okay, unless Wilbur gets decked tomorrow, I guess we’re in for another week of this dinner. Fine by me — I won’t be satisfied until something really socially transgressive occurs. A bunch of people have predicted vomiting, but I’m hoping for whiskey-scented diarrhea.” –Zla’od

“Dennis looks nonplussed. Here he was, all set to be served tea — to show the women that the only way to calm his menacing is to accept a place of doting servitude, thereby reinforcing the secretly greater menace of inescapable patriarchal gender roles — and all of a sudden this girl is making things about urban vs. suburban politics instead. It looks like he’ll have to do some reading before he can deal with her properly!” –pachoo

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