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Judge Parker, 12/20/18

I love how absolutely blasé Judge Parker Senior is about this whole scenario while Katherine freaks out. “Now, I know stealthily breaking into people’s homes and leaving expensive and no doubt extremely illegally obtained diamonds as a vaguely menacing gift is an very on-brand move for Norton, but Sam’s contact at the CIA said he was killed. When has the CIA ever lied to anybody? No, this must be from some other Norton. Maybe the anti-virus people? Do we get these with our subscription?”

Mary Worth, 12/20/18

Just to remind you, King Lear features, among other things, vicious intrafamily dynamics, betrayal, murder, a character’s eyes being gouged out on stage, poisoning, suicide — just bad business all around. But apparently hearing Ian describing it all is enough to get this lady horned up. Sure, STEM classes are more “practical” or whatever, but you don’t get this level of arousal from taking mechanical engineering, folks!

Dennis the Menace, 12/20/18

Mr. Wilson’s facial expression here is an unusual one that I would describe as “cruel triumph.” “Egads! This whole time, all I had to do to tame this monster was placate him with a series of cheap trinkets? Finally, I shall be able to bend his menacing to my own designs!”

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Dick Tracy, 12/19/18

“Someone has to pay! And it will be either a high diver or the general manager of the local Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum! Fate has intervened!”

Meanwhile over at The Dail[y…], some enraged managing editor is walking around waving this morning’s paper in the air. “Just two stories and one photo on the front page of the Entertainment section?” he shouts, livid. “A banner headline that only goes across three columns? Someone has to pay!”

Judge Parker, 12/19/18

I love the looks of delight on Judge Parker Senior and Katherine’s face as they open the extremely expensive gift that someone just left in their house. It’s a pair of gorgeous baubles, just for them, fallen as if from heaven, which they clearly feel they deserve! But wait, what’s that note? Are there possibly … consequences to this? Strings attached? NOOOOOOO, THIS IS A NIGHTMARE

Mary Worth, 12/19/18

Wait a minute … wait a damn minute … is the Cameron who’s going to be tempted by another in this storyline … Ian? Is this perfectly nice looking young woman going to throw herself at an unpleasant chinbearded academic blowhard, while Toby, toned and constantly lounging about in athleisurewear, remains un-flirted with? This will not stand.

Family Circus, 12/19/18

A spectre is haunting the Keane Kompound … the spectre … of Santa.

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Pluggers, 12/18/18

This is something you don’t usually hear me say, but I like the cut of this elder she-plugger’s jib! I particularly like that you can tell that her grandchildren left literally minutes ago and she’s already wining out. Is she going to bother picking up any of their junk before getting blotto? She sure isn’t! Is she worried about drinking red wine while wearing white pants? She gives not a single solitary shit! This ecstatically drunk grandma is definitely one of my top ten pluggers of the year!

Mary Worth, 12/18/18

It’s going to be fun seeing how close Mary can get to the question she actually wants an answer to — “So, are you guys still fucking on the regular or what?” — without coming out and saying it. In the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy the incredibly tiny plate that muffin is sitting on in panel two. You don’t expect Mary to just hand over a muffin without a plate, do you? She’s not an animal.

Crankshaft, 12/18/18

They say consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, but I’ve never claimed to be anything other than petty and small, so I’ll say this: it drives me crazy that the Funkyverse contains both weirdly named psuedobrands like “McArnold’s” but also actual brands like Amazon. It forces me to conclude that Amazon paid to be mentioned in the strip, or, more likely, that McDonald’s paid not to be mentioned.