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Gasoline Alley, 11/21/18

Gosh, it’s been [checks notes] six weeks since I’ve updated you on the endless, onanistic celebration of the 100th anniversary of Gasoline Alley, which for the record is still ongoing, but let me assure that nothing of any real interest has happened in all that time, a trend that continues more or less today. A seeming eternity ago (though it was probably only a few days or something, I am not going to look it up for the sake of this joke, I do not believe that it’s worth it on any level) the action got hijacked by Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, furious that their upcoming 100th anniversary was being ignored, and today, in this possibly non-canon episode, we finally learn from Snuffy exactly what the Code of the Hills entails: immediately responding to anything that might be interpreted as even a minor slight to your honor by shooting your antagonist in the head.

Family Circus, 11/21/18

Ha ha, it’s funny because Ma Keane is so, so lonely! Normally when I do the “Ha ha, it’s funny because…” bit on this site, I’m deliberately reading against the grain of the intended joke, or at least exaggerating it, but “it’s funny because Ma Keane is so, so lonely” is 100% what the punchline is supposed to convey here. It’s real dark!

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Mark Trail, 11/20/18

It’s no secret that I haven’t been a fan of this Mark Trail storyline as it drags endlessly along. But at least I had high hopes for Cool Motorcycle Guy. What twists did he have in store for us? Like, was he going to murder Rusty, or have some weird backstory with Mark, or what? And so, now that he’s on a roof, getting into an extremely petty verbal altercation with a toucan … well, I’m not going to say I hate it, because obviously I love it. But I did expect a more dignified denouement for our friend here.

Dennis the Menace, 11/20/18

Dennis, I am genuinely disappointed in you. This isn’t menacing at all. This is some sub-Jeffy Keane darnedest thing saying. Unless you have some sinister plan to accelerate the earth’s rotation so that, briefly, day and night alternately so quickly that the terms lose all meaning right before we all die in fire and horror. But that seems a little beyond your menacing capabilities, so I’m going to go with “oh, you’re just a moron.”

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Gil Thorp, 11/19/18

Ah ha, it’s classic Gil, expressing shock that a kid with a decent haircut and middle-class clothes might be connected to wrongdoing, somehow! Remember when a wholly legal tattoo parlor opened in Milford and Gil destroyed it for no good reason? Anyway, I’m enjoying the fact that we’re getting this exposition dump during Coach Thorp and Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp’s desultory countryside jog. And speaking of Mimi, isn’t there some girls’ sport that shares a season with football that we could be seeing her handle instead of dealing with this snoozefest? Gymnastics? Volleyball? I’d definitely enjoy watching how varying growth spurts between freshman and sophomore year affected the tactical and emotional dynamics of the Spiking Lady Mudlarks a lot more than trying to figure out what classic French New Wave film Kaz is going to try and fail to compare to Tiki’s residency situation.

Dick Tracy, 11/19/18

It has come to our attention that the previous twist in this storyline, which involved faxing, was deemed “dangerously exciting” by many core members of the Dick Tracy readership. We are pleased to announce that the strip will henceforth be focusing on the minutia of contract law, with a special focus on payment terms.

Mary Worth, 11/19/18

“You see, we’ve gotten reports of an older gentleman who’s been manipulating people into helping him adopt shelter dogs and then … well, there’s no easy way to say this … eating them. Short, wears a bow tie? Have you seen anyone who fits that description?”