Post Content

Six Chix, 10/7/18

I get what this comic is going for here, I really do, but part of my job (“job”) as the proprietor and namesake of the Comics Curmudgeon is to spend more time than usual thinking about the premises of comic strips, and my friends, when you do that with this one it starts to get dark. Like, sure, it seems that your dog is sitting in your living room, watching squirrels scamper around outside for entertainment, and maybe at some level that’s true. But when you, a human, watch acrobats or lion tamers, you do it out of appreciation of their skills, and maybe get a thrill from imagining yourself in their place. A dog’s emotional arc in that scenario is very different, and when you factor that into the change of setting here — not one dog but a whole uncountable pack, not sitting in some domesticated space with a glass between them and the squirrels but out on the side of a country road in the middle of the night — well, you can’t help but wonder when the moment will come when, by some unspoken agreement, the audience descends on the performers in a howling frenzy and tears them to bits.

Dennis the Menace, 10/07/18

It’s pretty much absolutely necessary for the core Dennis the Menace shtick that he be allowed to wander around through the neighborhood unsupervised, as I’m given to understand that children of earlier generations were, so it can be difficult to remember that he is, canonically, five years old, and so probably in kindergarden. In the bygone days when five-year-olds were allow to roam freely and hassle the neighbors, were they also taught science and history in kindergarden? Anyway, another reason we often forget Dennis’s true age is because he’s so darn precocious, and you have to admit that telling your parents that your failure really represents their own shortcomings is some advanced-level menacing.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 10/07/18

Look at that pelican bait shop attendent, grinning like a big idiot! He doesn’t even realize that the only reason he isn’t being hauled away to an internment camp without trial right now is because Slylock happened to remember some nature facts about tides or whatever.

Post Content

Pluggers, 10/6/18

A good example of the stranglehold Baby Boomers have had on American self-image comes from the weird version of real-life Comic Book Time that defines the life history of people in syndicated newspaper comics: young-to-early-middle-aged adults who still have kids at home somehow went to Woodstock or enjoyed disco fever at its peak, despite the fact that real-life humans who fit that demographic were busy being born during those cultural moments. That’s why I have to give grudging admiration to today’s Pluggers, because however you define a plugger, you have to admit that they’re old. You’re old, Boomers! It’ll happen to me someday — some might argue that it’s already in the process of happening — but I just want to hear you admit it, and I will take this syndicated Pluggers panel as a confession.

Mary Worth, 10/6/18

Ahhhhh, it’s a strange little old man slowly loping down a condo complex hallway, past discount art purchased in bulk at Pier One, grouchily refusing Mary’s plea to engage in some emotional processing. Has a more perfect Mary Worth ever been created?

Post Content

Hello everybody! Your final reminder that tonight, in Los Angeles, I’ll be doing my first ever solo hour of comedy, as I bring together the best of my bits from the Internet Read Aloud as a one-man show!

If you’re in LA and have always been meaning to check out one of my shows because you enjoy my whole deal, let me recommend that you come to this one! Here’s the Facebook event, and here are some tips for finding the venue!

But whether you’re coming to enjoy my comedy stylings or not, you should definitely enjoy the comedy stylings of the comment of the week!

“The plugger paper shredder never gets jammed. It gets bursitis.” –nescio

And the runners up — also hilarious!

“Count Weirdly tries to pull an awful lot of scams with fake inventions, but it’s never really clear why. He’s capable of building convincing androids and time machines. I can respect his desire to keep his creations proprietary, but surely he can unload a few vampire pigs on the exotic pet market and finally move out of his motte and bailey slum housing.” –jroggs

“Ah, this brings me back to the wide-eyed optimism of my youth, when I had causes to fight for, like the purity of rubber and the protection of the global supply of yarn. Now I’m old and jaded and I can’t even be bothered to sigh when someone tries to flood the market with weirdly transfigured big rubber that they’re trying to pass off as normal rubber … but I used to believe in things.” –gkl

“Friggin sentient bat has one job: guard the window. Guess tech startups treat their workers like shit in Slylock’s world too, because my man clearly could not care less if Slylock busts this whole operation up with high school chemistry.” –Dan

“‘Ed Crankshaft. We haven’t seen you at one of our reunions in a while.‘ Why is she smiling, you ask? Isn’t she disappointed that Crankshaft isn’t dead? No, because this is the Funkyverse, where living is a worse punishment.” –Ettorre

“Did he choose his sweater to match her hair, or is the sweater made out of her hair? Discuss.” –JJ48

“I think we’re all missing the simpler explanation for what’s going on in today’s Dennis the Menace. After whatever catastrophe happened last time, Mr. Wilson is using the scale before and after his bathroom adventure, to find out how much that sucker weighed.” –Kytan

“The subtle differences between the two panels in today’s Slylock Fox tell quite a story. Slylock, Max, Deputy Dog and Deputy Duck loaded three prisoners onto the transport van. That much is clear. But at some point, they unloaded them, and something terrible happened. Something that would have been directed by Quentin Tarantino and set to an oddly upbeat ’80s riff. As they are reloaded into the paddy wagon, we see the dog prisoner has lost his teeth, presumably having them pulled out by the Sociopathic Shamus after he chewed off Slylock’s ear. The bird prisoner has been shaved, probably as retaliation for ripping off Deputy Duck’s tie. The rear view mirror is gone, I assume after a violent melee in the driver’s seat. And Deputy Dog has thrown away his badge. He’s seen too much, he can’t put up with this crap anymore. Just get these three to the station, and he’ll put in his papers, retire, go fishing, maybe get an RV and travel the country with Mrs. Dog. Anything to get away from that fox and mouse. As he starts the engine, he can’t forget Slylock’s face, impassive, as the Vicious Vulpine pulled out the dog’s fangs. He turns up the music, another upbeat ’80s song, to drown out the thumps and howls from the back of the van.” –Voshkod

“‘Remember when comic-book writers used to think that radiation could give people superpowers? Well, it turns out they weren’t scientists.’ ‘Batman’s a scientist.’ ‘They’re not Batman.’” –BigTed

“Thinking that Iron Fist should change his name to Canary Espadrilles.” –Fritz H.

“I almost have to respect the utter contempt that Gil Thorp has for the casual reader of their strip, as each day they present two incomplete sequences smashed together and just dare you to make sense of them. ‘Oh, did you not understand the context of the French movie comment? Too bad! Here’s a half-finished thought about another storyline already in progress, but if you want anything close to resolution on that you’ll have to wait until tomorrow, or maybe next week. Why do we do this? We’re Gil Fucking Thorp, that’s why.” –pugfuggly

“iPhone X: IP67 dust/water resistant (up to 1m for 30 mins) and HW5 impact resistant (withstands hitting supervillains in the face 5 times), glass front and back, blah blah blah.” –Baka Gaijin

“This guy’s from a broken home. He’ll be up for some law-breakin’. I also have a guy whose parents were lax churchgoers and another guy whose mother was the household’s main breadwinner.” –Jenna

“The only missed opportunity here is that she didn’t yell, ‘DO IT FOR THE ’GRAM!’” –Joe Blevins

“So, Iron Fist really loves yelling his own name. It makes sense — you’ve got to build a brand, especially in this day and age — but he’s going about it all wrong. He should be talking about ‘the Iron Fist’, to make clear that he is unique. Saying ‘an Iron Fist‘ suggests it’s a generic name, and could potentially cause him legal problems with trademark dilution. If he insists on the indefinite article, he should least yell ‘an Iron Fist™ brand fist’”. –Schroduck

“She’s got shelves and shelves of actual reading material behind her so it seems unnecessary for her to be reading a pretend book. That said, her object work is impeccable; those Second City extension classes were money well spent.” –Shoe Substitutes

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!