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Mary Worth, 1/12/18

Aww, isn’t this nice? Father and daughter are really relating to each other as adults and supporting each other emotionally! Say, also, unless I missed something, Dawn has neglected to mention to her dad that she made out with a married dude at her summer job, just like Wilbur never brought up the fact that he was grifted by a statuesque beauty in Colombia right before he came home. Just a happy father-daughter pair keeping deep secrets from one another and chowing down on some muffins, in other words!

Hagar the Horrible, 1/12/18

I have several questions about what’s going on here. The first is about the tattoo on this bar lady’s hand. That definitely looks like a prison tattoo font. Did she get that tattoo in prison? Was she in the least bad-ass prison ever, where that would be considered a cool prison tattoo? Did the fact that the tattoo is on the palm of her hand, a very sensitive part of the body and therefore an extremely painful one to get a tattoo on, make it seem slightly more bad-ass?

Perhaps more relevant: how exactly did Lucky Eddy come by his extremely non-specific knowledge of this lady’s tattooed status? Hagar’s smirk implies that he was the one who set up this little farce, but I’m not sure that really works with his canonical illiteracy.

Mark Trail, 1/12/18

One giraffe in Lost Forest is a bizarre, inexplicable freak of nature. But two? Two means that the forest land should be opened to responsible hunting by outdoorspersons who want to harvest delicious giraffe meat and keep local populations in check and avoid the tragedies of “nuisance giraffes.” This will be a profitable year for Doc’s side business selling individual pancakes off his cabin’s front porch!

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The Lockhorns, 1/11/18

I’m assuming Loretta is leaning on the life here for effect, because Leroy is dead. It’s unclear if Loretta murdered him or if he just passed away peacefully in his chair, but clearly she’s getting as much joy as she can from parading her friends through to gawk at his slovenly corpse before finally calling the coroner to come collect him.

Family Circus, 1/11/18

There’s nothing I enjoy more than seeing a Keane Kid sweating desperately in the certain knowledge that their God has abandoned them.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/11/18

So poor addled Bull and his pal are out to reminisce on the football field and have brought a snow … shovel? Wait, that’s not a shovel for snow. That’s a spade, for dirt. They’re planning on digging a damn GRAVE for SOMEBODY

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Mark Trail, 1/10/17

Hey, remember four and a half years ago when Rusty dozed off and had a vivid dream about dinosaurs? Well, now he’s out picking apples for his pancakes (don’t ask, man) and has suddenly encountered … a giraffe!? [record scratch noise] I’m assuming the whole apple-picking sequence was a dream to start with, or maybe he ate some “bad apples” (ha ha, get it, wait, no I mean it literally) and is hallucinating, but maybe … this giraffe escaped from the circus? Or from Africa? Maybe it’s an agent of Chris “Dirty” Dyer, recently resident in Africa himself, as part of the sport of hunting down Mark Trail? I imagine this majestic African herbivore would appreciate being the hunter rather than the hunted for once. Shoe’s on the other hoof now, H. sapiens!

Shoe, 1/10/17

The Perfesser’s extreme depression is of course legendary, but let’s not neglect the sad state of his nephew/ward’s emotional life. He should be at least a little gleeful at the prospect of subverting the banal expectations of his teachers, but he’s clearly crushed by the burden of coming up with yet another quippy answer to his test. “Is this … is this what they want?” he seems to be thinking, as he slouches down into his desk. “Is this all there is?”