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Mary Worth, 10/27/17

Hey, guys, it’s Zak! Zak’s back! Remember how Iris dumped Zak, partly because she couldn’t stop thinking about Wilbur, but also partly because he was too young for her and also kinda dumb? Welp, ever since Wilbur dumped her, Iris has had some chances to re-evaluate things, and here comes Zak, waltzing back into her life! And he got a haircut and a fancy job, or at least some reason to wear a suit, which means maybe he’s matured a little bit. Still got that sexy stubble, though! Everything’s coming up Iris!

Gil Thorp, 10/27/17

I feel like the Gil Thorp powers that be vaguely got wind of an ongoing controversy involving the national anthem and football, and decided to rip it from the headlines but also massage it into something as inoffensive as possible until it becomes this: Rick Soto’s Uncle Gary is putting together an astroturfing campaign to try to trick the school into letting Rick sing the anthem before the next home game, in an attempt to get him to “go viral.” No matter what our political beliefs, I think we can all agree that Uncle Gary should get off Rick’s back, jeez.

Family Circus, 10/27/17

That’s right, Dolly knows the truth: The government makes you get vaccines full of chemicals that keep you docile so you don’t question their authority, WAKE UP SHEEPLE

Six Chix, 10/27/17

Soooooo, are Dracula and Frankenstein gonna … eat those ghosts or what

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Spider-Man, 10/26/17

Aww, isn’t that poignant — Spider-Man wishes he could use his superpowers to win battles against not just mutants and space aliens and mad scientists, but against sadness. If it makes you feel any better, Spidey, most of us don’t actually call you a super-hero.

Hi and Lois, 10/26/17

Ditto often strikes me as the happiest member of the Flagston clan, and today’s strip offers great insight into his secret: he keeps his expectations extremely low.

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Dennis the Menace, 10/25/17

There are no recurring adult characters in this strip other than George and Martha Wilson. Instead, we see an endless parade of one-off adult visitors to the Mitchell home, with the implication that Henry and Alice are desperately trying to normalize their lives by making friends more or less their own age, only for Dennis to alienate them by saying the darndest things — or, more often, repeating a darndest thing that one of his parents said behind their acquaintance’s back. If that’s starting to give you a picture of the real reason for the Mitchells’ stunted social life, consider today’s installment, where Alice, hungry to sup on human misery, has brought Dennis to some random new mother’s house, so he can make fun of her parenting skills just because her little kid does what little kids do. And sure, Dennis is kind of a dick about it, but whatever! He’s, what, five? Look at Alice in the background in the second panel, a subtle but cruel smile on her face. The menace doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Marvin, 10/25/17

Like many sassy cartoon characters, Marvin goes through life with a heavy lidded expression meant to convey detachment and ennui. In panel two, we learn what it takes to snap him into a state of alertness: the possibility of being prosecuted for war crimes.