Gasoline Alley, 11/24/15
“The turkey — ’cause it’s had all its organs removed and replaced with bread crumbs! Gobble! Gobble! I’m a walking corpse! Gobble! Gobble!” [audience continues roaring with laughter]
Judge Parker, 11/24/15
I’ve never read the Fountainhead, but this is pretty much what I imagine all the sex scenes are like.
Oh, do you think these Archie newspaper comics are just endlessly recycled reruns from the 1990s? Well, what about the dead-eyed teen girl in panel three with the current year on her shirt, huh? Checkmate, doubter!
Hi and Lois, 11/23/15
Awww, looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays, if by “a case of the Mondays” you mean “a nagging realization that life is an joyless cycle of repetitive, meaningless tasks.” I think that’s what most people mean by it, right?
B.C., meanwhile, reminds us that the Flagstons’ middle-class suburban ennui is itself a privilege, as many others see life not as a ceaseless loop of drudgery but a straight line that will be ending very, very soon.
Gasoline Alley, 11/23/15
That goodness, all that rude chatter is over and we can get what we came for: little kids telling weird ahistoric jokes on stage. Are the “!”s over our young Squanto and Pilgrim meant to represent solid, emotive method acting on their part, or are they genuinely surprised at Boog’s punchline? Is he improvising? Can you imagine children doing an improv Thanksgiving show? I can! It’d probably look a lot like this, to be honest. Maybe Walt and Skeezix missed the audience suggestions because they came in late.
Mark Trail, 11/23/15
Welp, seems like our no-neck Homeland Security goons had been following Ken and Mark all along by using drones to track Ken’s sweet skullmobile! They just figured they’d let our heroes take out the baddies on their own, without government agents getting involved unless absolutely necessary. They provide a better value to the taxpayer that way, you know?
Whoa there, random U.N. General Assembly delegate! You may come from a country with cool hats, but this is America and we don’t use imperious language like “Guards! Seize him!” Try some American law enforcement lingo instead. “Security, we need you to apprehend an Atlantean individual, behind the podium at this time. Suspect is weilding a trident-style weapon and is wearing a vest, repeat, vest.”
Mark Trail, 11/20/15
Good news for everyone who missed the entire plotline that led up to last week’s fisticuffs: some Homeland Security dudes showed up in a sweet hovercraft (not pictured), and now Mark and Ken are describing their adventures in detail in the breathless tones of very excited nine-year-olds.
Gasoline Alley, 11/20/15
Walt Wallet, having been refamiliarized with the identity of his descendents, is now just straight-up denigrating the sad state of modern education. In his day, everyone could rattle off the list of governors of Plymouth Colony before their eighth birthday! And what’s this garbage? A turkey? Everyone knows there were no turkeys at the first Thanksgiving! The cries of “Quiet!” and “Hush!” will just get more and more ineffectual as Walt finds his cantankerous groove.
OK, Momma, I know Room has won critical and commercial acclaim with this premise, but I think you need a little more nuance and character development and a lot less overt Oedipal horror to really make it work.
Apartment 3-G, 11/20/15
GREAT, MARGO’S NOT MARRYING GREG OR ERIC AT THE END OF APARTMENT 3-G, WE’VE GOT LIKE THREE DAYS LEFT, LET’S HURRY UP AND FIND OUT WHO LU ANN AND TOMMIE AREN’T GOING TO MARRY