9 Chickweed Lane
Flea track and field.
Better Half, 2/19/13
Hey, Stanley — send that app on over to the folks at 9 Chickweed Lane, wouldya? Save ’em some typing.
9 Chickweed Lane, 2/19/13
Thanks, Stan. I’m sure they appreciate it — just look at those big smiles!
Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/19/13
Oh, poo. Looks like Our Honey isn’t challenging any normative gender constructs after all; she’s once, twice, three times a — well, I guess lady isn’t quite right either. Anyway, she made quite an impression on Rex there: look at him covering the smoking socket of the eye that was exposed to her naked ladyparts, or maybe he’s trying to pluck it out per Matthew 18:9? Either way, if that image could be pasted over the first panel of every comic ever, this blog wouldn’t need to do much else:
Funky Winkerbean, Mary Worth, Judge Parker, Crankshaft, 2/19/13 (panels, modified)
UPDATE — Hey, check out Faithful Reader Druj Nasu’s Automatic Rexifier, which Rexifies many, many more strips, and Faithful Reader Nehemiah Scudder’s Rex Agony Blank, which lets you play along at home. Thank you, Faithful Readers!
– Uncle Lumpy
Sincere thanks to everyone who contributed to the Comics Curmudgeon 2011 Spring Fundraiser! In case you missed it, you can still use the “Donate” button on the left to make an online contribution, or drop me a line at email@example.com for Josh’s address — but no more organized fundraising for another six months or so. Thanks again.
Gil Thorp, 3/13/11
Hornéd Armani-lovin’ B-ballin’ “second-teamer” Lini Verde — rooted by a steamy wave 200-strong, Miss Ducey! Gil Thorp redefines “incomprehensible filth” for a new generation. Stand aside, Peter Greenaway!
Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, 3/13/11
“Trading wood” isn’t a thing now, is it? Somebody please tell me it’s not a thing. Because those smiles are creeping me right out, and I’m afraid to Google it.
Mary Worth, 3/13/11
Oh please for the merciful love of Heaven let them be talking about kites ….
9 Chickweed Lane, 3/13/11
OK, somebody’s got to get through to Team Chickweed that “portrays characters of diverse sexual orientations” does not mean “more opportunities for random couplings.” Well, that, but not only that.
Hey Pop, you got to put on the special glasses for that.
– Uncle Lumpy
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The comics celebrate Carnivale with a tedious procession of same-old same-old — so let’s dig in!
9 Chickweed Lane, 3/8/11
9 Chickweed Lane tries to balance weeks of yak yak gayification of Uncle Roger with weeks of dance dance straightification of Seth. It doesn’t work, but at least nobody’s talking.
Everyone in Ziggy enjoys his suffering as much as the universe does.
Mary Worth, 3/8/11
Warning: Frolic ahead! Escape, Dawn — only TV Tropes can save you now!
See? Nothing really changes except your car is cheesier, your mood surlier, the weather’s worse, you can’t afford as many flowers, and your beloved is long dead. Happy Lent, everybody!
Stave off the gloom with a generous donation to the Comics Curmudgeon! Just click here if you’d prefer to send your contribution by mail. Thank you!
– Uncle Lumpy
9 Chickweed Lane and B.C., 8/22/10
So it turns out that both humans and insects become disgusted and/or terrified when informed of the circumstances of their conception. But is their disgust and/or horror itself amusing enough to serve as the punchline of a syndicated comic strip? Based on these examples, I am going to go ahead and say “no.”
On the other hand, neither 9 Chickweed Lane nor B.C. tried to get a laugh out of bird anuses.
Mark Trail, 4/13/10
I can’t remember what task it was that Mark assigned to Ranger Miller while he took on the more dangerous and exciting job of tracking the Parker Brothers to their sinister poaching lair, but I’m reasonably sure that it wasn’t romancing bathing beauty Jan Harris. (As you can see from that previous strip, whatever sort of encounter the two had was so shocking that it turned the good ranger’s hair white.) And we can tell from Miller’s besotted blather that Jan is in turn just using her nubile body to influence the politically powerful ranger corps and keep the lake open for float-planing business. And then Mark has the nerve to suggest “a solution that will make everyone happy!” These people all disgust me, and they make the Parker Brothers, who just want everyone to be able to enjoy a delicious moose steak without Big Government getting in the way, look like heroes.
Apartment 3-G, 4/13/10
Wow, this is some serious anti-climax right here; even as he gently eases the gun from her hand, Martin can’t believe that he’s going to survive only because his estranged pill-crazed wife has been briefly distracted by a cell phone call from her boyfriend. This is extremely weak, and, just as many U.S. state legislatures are making it illegal to talk on a handheld cell phone while driving, so too should deranged would-be murderers everywhere make a pact to set their own mobile phones to vibrate, lest they lose their focus on writing a tale of vengeance using the blood of their enemies as ink.
Panels from 9 Chickweed Lane, 4/12/10, and Spider-Man, 4/13/10
There was a certain buzz in yesterday’s comments on the gape-mouth toothy horror in yesterday’s 9 Chickweed Lane, but for my money the looming, gnashy teeth of J. Jonah Jameson are much, much more terrifying. Maybe it’s a contest among comics artists? Whose teeth are you keen on not seeing? June Morgan’s? Les Moore’s? TJ’s? OH OH GOD TJ’S TEETH OH GOD OH GOD
Mary Worth, 3/22/10
Ladies and gentlemen, our long national frolic has ended, and just as we’d hoped — with a Charterstone pool party! Mary helpfully excuses Wilbur’s manic episode by reminding us his sensible lady friend Iris was out of town. But what can Mary mean by “returns”? Have her widows’ stocks declared dividends? Is Carlos Alora back on the job as groundskeeper? Dare we hope for Zombie Aldo? More likely, she just needs to get that copy of The Shorter Bartlett’s Quotations back to the library. Those fines add up.
9 Chickweed Lane, 3/22/10
One of the most annoying tendencies of serial strips is to sanctify characters until they lose all capacity for drama or comedy. Judge Parker‘s Sam Driver, Steve Roper, and Funky Winkerbean‘s bandleader Harry Dinkle has each in his turn been neutered, cast in plaster, and set up on a shelf for admiration in lieu of entertainment.
In its current story 9 Chickweed Lane — already in the running for most annoying strip in the history of ever — is going for a twofer. Mean-spirited bully Edna O’Malley (née Ernst) has already been recast as a dewy, chaste, ever-so-talented, misunderstood patriot. And here, in a single panel, her future husband is transformed from a lieutenant busted for a pointless and bungled espionage attempt into a noble set-upon war hero. Could we please have the cat back? I mean, if it’s not off in Africa curing malaria or something.
Herb and Jamaal, 3/21/10
Just when you think Herb and Jamaal has reached the top of its game, it breaks new ground. Generic dialogue? No dialogue at all! Bland characters? Unknown bland characters (Herb and Sarah’s flat-topped son Ezekiel, impy neighbor Willie, and Willie’s dad, um…)! Labored, arbitrary setups? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! And icing on the cake, a heartwarming Mary Worth-style quotation from Malcolm X. ‘Cause if that man stood for anything, it’s that it’s OK to let yourself be victimized, as long as you can be smug about it.
Gil Thorp, 3/22/10
Underemployed dropout Steve Luhm here puts right his slightly icky will-they-or-won’t-they flirtation with Milford B-baller Cassie Corman. Cassie has a well-established taste for older boys — they don’t even have to be much older, and from the look of Ray Richey there, just about any boy will do. Well, Steve’s having none of it, and oh hey look Milford’s closing in on the point spread and Kinsella’s still on fire. Excuse me, I gotta call my bookie.
– Uncle Lumpy