Archive: Mary Worth

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/20/24

OK, look, I guess I get that there’s decades of aesthetic history built into Barney Google and Snuffy Smith and if you’re drawing it you feel like you have to respect tradition and depict Sparkplug and [sigh] Sparkplug’s Grandson Li’l Sparky as having feet that essentially look like potatoes. But these are animal characters that can also think and talk and make terrible, terrible wordplay, so if you’re introducing a new one, like [even heavier sigh] Spark Pug, it’s OK to draw him with hands, or hand-like paws. It’s fine! Nobody would really notice! What they will notice, on the other hand, is an autograph book and pencil that nobody in the panel could conceivably carry or use, just kind of propped up on nothing. Trust me, they’ll notice that, and they won’t care for it.

Mary Worth, 3/20/24

Yes, it’s true, you read about crazy events happening in the news, and realize that terrible things happen to people! But sometimes all it takes is a long walk in a carefully manicured garden with high admission prices in an idyllic setting in an expensive community to make you realize that it’ll all work out and that nothing bad will happen to you.

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Tina’s Groove, 3/19/24

Tina’s Groove is another new strip I’m getting into! Tina is a waitress and is friends with the other folks at the restaurant where she works, including the cook, who is … an alcoholic? That’s definitely what’s going on here, right? Anyway, let’s bring on the laffs!

The Phantom, 3/19/24

Huh, so I guess this Phantom arc is going to be about how the kids today are all on their phones, and that’s why you can’t get good henchmen help these days. Well, did you ever consider that henchmen are bad so it’s actually good that the Zoomers are bad henchmen? Look how much time this guy being on his phone has saved the Phantom! Even his dumb Zoomer son is up to speed!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/19/24

OK, I’ve come around on this plot, which has genuinely made the terrifying ordeal of aging into a nonstop thrill ride, where your biggest opponent is your own refusal to acknowledge that you need mobility assistance. Will the Count be able to steady himself after a few minutes of leaning on that table? Will this elderly cowboy convince him that the next time he wanders away from his station to go take a leak, he should take his cane with him? Tune in tomorrow, or possibly several weeks from now, to find out!

Mary Worth, 3/19/24

Oh, sorry, do you not want to hear Mary go on and on about her neighbor, Keith Hillend anymore? Well, what if we spend a whole week where Mary and Jeff talk about how their relationship is comforting but not flashy, like an old shoe? You’ll beg for more Keith content by Thursday, and for death by Saturday.

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Gasoline Alley, 3/12/24

The big news down in Gasoline Alley is that City Hall is finally compliant with the Americans with Disabilities Act! It also rejects the doctrine of the Trinity. First the town turns its back on fossil fuels, and now this????

Mary Worth, 3/12/24

“Keith has substituted one all-consuming obsession with another, and it doesn’t matter if he has to lie to himself or everyone else to achieve his goals. That’s the way!” –complete psychopaths