The Advanced Archive found 6 posts!

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Dick Tracy, 10/10/20

Oh, I get it now! Hope, Faith, and Charity inherited money from their distant uncle, who otherwise would’ve left it to his “eccentric” vampire pals, who would’ve used it to upgrade their prototype fang and pump system; without that funding, the project still isn’t quite at production-level quality. Now the vampires are trying to knock off the sisters to get their hands on the cash; not sure why they apparently feel compelled to do so using their subpar blood-draining apparatus instead of just, like, shooting them or whatever, though I guess it’s probably the same reasons driving them to build such an device in the first place. Anyway, jokes on you, vampires! The surviving sisters just blew the rest of the money on a sweet car, plus that’s not actually how inheritance law works.

Daddy Daze, 10/10/20

You know who else wasn’t of royal birth? A guy who was born on a backwards Genovese island colony in 1769 and given the name of Napoleone di Buonaparte! I genuinely love that, as his father drones on with outdated ideas of who can and who can’t become king, this terrifying baby is performing his own coronation with a crown he made himself. I guess we’re all his subjects now?

The Lockhorns, 10/10/20

I mean … can he? Leroy’s facial expression really seems to be of a guy who’s been trying upwards of a minute to break that club over his leg, without success. He knows he looks more absurd with each passing moment, but he can’t back out now!

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Hello everyone! I’m back and very grateful to Uncle Lumpy for his guest-blogging prowess … and extremely grateful for everyone who donated to the Comics Curmudgeon fundraiser! Individual thank-yous are, per usual, coming your way in the next week or so. And now, tanned, rested, and ready to take on … Dick Tracy? Sure, why not.

Dick Tracy, 9/14/20

Brenda Starr and Little Orphan Annie, two iconic long-running continuity strips, sadly came to an end in the last decade, but that hasn’t stopped Dick Tracy from still plugging along (because America likes violent cops more than it likes newspapers or orphans!) and gathering up its syndicate’s intellectual property into a Tribune Content Agency Cinematic Universe. Now Brenda is going to teach Annie and Dick’s half-alien granddaughter Honeymoon to write a journalistically rigorous feature article on … vampires? Sure, why not. I’m honestly surprised that the head of the University of Neo-Chicago’s Department of Ghouls and Draculas they’re interviewing isn’t named “Professor Stakes,” as that’s the sort of on-the-nose nomenclature this feature specializes in.

Crankshaft, 9/14/20

It’s a difficult environment out there for indie booksellers — especially when they have to compete against nice old ladies who operate unlicensed bookstores over their garage, flouting the ADA and any number of fire safety codes and just daring the city’s toothless permitting apparatus to shut them down.

The Lockhorns, 9/14/20

A lot about The Lockhorns, especially the fact that they spend most of their time in a semi-featureless void space, can be explained if you imagine that they’re kept captive in some kind of containment field, possibly floating in a sphere high above the earth, and the rest of the world watches a livestream of their dysfunctional antics for entertainment and/or as a cautionary example. In this alternate universe, journalists like Jake Tapper (?) comment on major milestones in their lives, and presumably everyone’s focus on them brings us together as a nation.

Mary Worth, 9/14/20

I was pretty dubious about Saul Helps A Tween Heal, but I am cautiously optimistic about Saul Woos A Giantess!

Funky Winkerbean, 9/14/20

Honey, just because you’re saying it louder doesn’t make it true

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Metapost: Podcasted COTWs!

Hey folks! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first, a fun link: I was on the podcast of the great Nathan Rabin, an entertainment writer who you might remember as the guy who coined the term “Manic Pixie Dream Girl,” and we talked about two subjects near and dear to my heart: The Lockhorns, and the animated Garfield: His Nine Lives special. It was a super fun convo and you should check it out!

You know what’s also super fun? Your comment of the week!

“‘I’ll buy these NEW SNEAKERS and walk amidst the flora and fauna!‘ is a phrase that neatly makes it clear that Wilbur has never been outside before, or possibly even encountered a pair of sneakers? He’ll probably walk out of there holding a basketball.” –Jack Loves Comics

And your runners up! They too are enjoyable!

“I feel like this is the only place for me to talk about how uncomfortable that brush is making me. You can’t bring that type of brush into the shower with you! It will take forever to dry out enough to be usable and it will never dry out completely. Give it another couple of weeks and Wilbur will just be leaving a dusting of black mold on his scalp whenever he tries to fix his combover. This, more than anything else he has ever done, is clearly a cry for help.” –Tiffany StPeter, on Facebook

“‘Long before videos, folks spent an evening looking at exciting stereopticon slides in 3 dimensions!‘ Presumably, Walt is yelling this in the middle of a Starbucks where the customers are all on their phones.” –Joe Blevins

“‘Wonder eye’ certainly is today’s rage. Looking at it makes me absolutely furious.” –Hergen

“Rex is giving Justin that cup of water with the same heartfelt persuasiveness that the witch gave Snow White the apple.” –Pozzo

Just a sip of water … which you will earn once you pin me. Get up, barfy, this is for your own good.” –pugfuggly

“Ah, the two words Mary loves hearing the most: ‘You’re right!’” –Bryan J. Simmons, on Facebook

“‘Young man, you’ll sit in that corner until you learn to curb th’ wordplay!’ ‘Now I know why they call it PUNishment.’ ‘AAARGH!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Wilbur cried because he had no shoes. Until he met a man with no feet. Then he accosted the man with no feet to explain that his misery was greater, because his girlfriend left him just because of one little, look, it doesn’t matter why, the important thing is” –Dan

“I guess I tend to view Wilbur as rather a mopey sad-sack, but honestly, someone who looks like Wilbur — or just generally is Wilbur — yet doesn’t feel Mother Nature has played him very foul indeed must have a pretty positive outlook.” –Violet

“Is… is that poison? Maybe Billy is in a bad mood because the toxins are kicking in.” –Willow Jordan

N-No! Don’t want to fight! Only want to shove!” –Hogenmogen

“Just imagine if Mary Worth used the actual name of the sporting goods store. ‘Hey, Wilbur, good to see you here at Dick’s. Speaking of dicks, Zak sure has a nice one.’” –Andrew

“Not only is James Renner a real author, but ‘Ohioana Book Festival’ is a real event! This weekend! With Tom Batiuk in attendance, hawking the Lisa’s Legacy trilogy! Crankshaft has achieved Peak Tiresome. (James Renner won’t be there.)” –Uncle Lumpy

“Something this strip doesn’t get much credit for is its clever use of symbolism and hidden meaning. Today’s strip, for example, is actually an allegory for the history and consequences of the Industrial Revolution. Marvin’s friend represents the old artisan working class, as demonstrated by the block construction next to him. He is disturbed by the foul practices and pollution of Marvin, who stands in for new wave of production and power as suggested by the nearby locomotive. Marvin’s friend protests this unpleasant affront to his nostrils (which represent tradition, heritage, and comfortable nostalgia). In turn, Marvin speaks the prophetic truth of what the ‘nostrils’ of civilization must inevitably face in the course of progress, and then defecates in his own pants, representing the perils of arrogantly advancing without foresight.” –jroggs

“‘The general is mad as a hatter,’ said the men of Camp Swampy. They shook their heads ruefully as they sipped tea and brushed crumbs off tattered grey uniforms two generations out of date. ‘Thank goodness we’re still sane.’” –Escape Zeppelin

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